What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
The hooker will stop fucking you once you're dead.
Two lawyers are walking along the beach in Florida when they spot a nude blonde model drowning. Both of the lawyers decide to be chivalrous and swim out to rescue her. When they get her back to the shore, they notice she has since passed out. The first lawyer looks at his buddy and says, "Hey, let's screw her!!" The second lawyer asks, "Out of what?"
Did you hear about the lawyer who would get turned on by the law?
He got off on a technicality.
I know these are terrible, but if you've got more, post 'em in the comments.