Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Devil Is Special ... Not Riding The Short Bus To School Special


A very special Gemini

Cincysundevil is as bright as a button and as sharp as a blade. If there's ever anything you need to know, Cincysundevil is the person to ask. Chances are he will know the answer already. If not he will go and ask someone else and he will keep asking until he gets an answer. Cincysundevil simply cannot stand the idea of a question that has no answer, so if he cannot get a satisfactory explanation he will invent one. A good one. He is after all as bright as a button. There are though, some questions in life which are best left unanswered. The rest of us know to leave them alone. Cincy cannot resist the urge to explore them. He is drawn to such questions, like, well, like a button to a button hole! Cincy answers these questions cleverly because, after all as sharp as a blade, but then you know what they say about people who are too sharp...

Cincy can be very cutting sometimes. He doesn't mean to be. He just can't help it. Cincysundevil can't stop himself from daring to say what other people hardly dare to think. This is why Cincy often gets himself into trouble but it is also why Cincy is such an interesting person to know. Life with Cincysundevil is never dull. There's always an adventure, a challenge or a deal to be done. Cincy loves to do deals. The word 'no' is not in his vocabulary. When he hears it Cincy is immediately tempted to reply "Is that 'no' as in 'maybe', 'no' as in 'I need to be persuaded,' or 'no as in 'not quite yet?' Luckily Cincy gets clean away with this kind of attitude. Cincysundevil, at least when it comes to the unanswerable question, is living proof of the old adage "Who dares...wins".

So, what does your name say about you? Go here to find out. Thanks to Lindsay for this one.

Monday, May 30, 2005

A Touchy Devil On This Day Especially ...

If you're offended by swearing, you might want to just skip this entry. You see, Memorial Day has been a touchy day for me the past couple of years. As a veteran, I'm the guy who loves his country so much that I'd rather go off to fight for this country and get spit on when I get off the plane because I know that it's a free country and that people can express their anger against the government (hopefully not directed at me in this way). You see, I've been to countries where they don't have that freedom of expression. I've seen skin nearly peeled off of college students in South Korea when they're blasted with water cannons for protesting against the government. I've been to Riyadh, Saudi Arabia and have seen first hand how oppressive a government run by any religion can be. If you ever want to see me shed a tear, let me hear some old veterans tells stories about WWII and what happened to their buddies at Iwo Jima or in Normandy; take me to the VFW where a Vietnam vet is telling me how his buddy was blown up by a shoe shine boy who had a claymore strapped to his body; play taps ... I swear, I'll break down and sob. To this day, my heart beats like a bass drum everytime I hear "And The Army Goes Rolling Along" and I still get chills when I hear the National Anthem.

Right now what is going on in this country that disgusts me more than anything are these chickenhawk cocksuckers sending off our finest to die in a war predicated on bullshit, corporate greed, and flat out lies. Watch out folks ... I'm the last of the raging liberals and I'm building up a head of steam.

You see, I've had the honor, the blessing, and the privelege of leading some of those men. I cannot express the love, respect, and admiration I have for those fighting right now. To be sure, when these men and women screw up like some have in the P.O.W. camps, I'm the angriest and most hurt. Why? Because (no offense to anyone out there) I hold them to a higher standard because they are better Americans than most.

And yet tomorrow, the Anti-Christ and his chickenhawk cabinet will go around, kiss babies, wave flags and then propose cuts to the Veteran's Administration (VA) hospitals when everyone is lulled back to sleep. Tomorrow there will be parades with people waving flags and the mantra of support the troops. They'll buy some cheap fucking magnetic yellow ribbon or some American flag ribbon made in China whose purchase goes to help no one but Wal-Mart, hold their hands over their hearts and shed a tear for a moment. They'll drive off with their Bush-Cheney stickers on their cars and proclaim how this nation needs to support this war.

There will be some piece of shit 29 year old guy driving a BMW, listening to Rush Limbaugh, watching Sean Hannity, reading Anne Coulter bad mouthing those who speak out against the war. This same piece of shit could enlist but he won't. He "believes in the war" but he is just like so many of those other fucking cocksuckers ... "let's go to war as long as I don't have to fight in it". This is how Bush and his buddies see it ... "war is good as long as I nor my kids have to fight it".

The cartoon above really illustrates what I fucking hate most in this world. People who will criticize those who speak out against the war. In my final year of law school, I was clerking at a downtown law firm. Because parking was a bitch, we had to ride a shuttle out to the parking lot. So this one day I get on and there is a group of protesters banging drums in front of the courthouse and chanting "No war". This piece of shit across from me, about 30 years old, mumbles, "Look at those idiots. They don't even know what they're protesting about." as if I'd be sympathetic because I was wearing a suit. I looked him dead in the eye and told him, "I'm glad they're doing it. You see, I did five and a half years in the Army and I've been to places where you get jailed or beaten or executed for doing what they're doing. I think its great that they're exercising their Constitutional rights." I said all of this with my voice barely under control because I feel my anger getting the best of me, but with a smile that said "top that". That sack of shit sat there quiet, his eyes never meeting mine again because he knew deep down inside that he was a fucking coward.

How dare this piece of this shit say this to me. How dare this fucking right wing cocksucker complain about people exercising their rights under the banner of freedom that I and so many others provided willingly with our lives if need be. How dare anyone say this war is a good thing. If it is, then get your worthless fucking asses over to a recruiter today. I'm sick and fucking tired of people in this country willing to send poor kids off to fight a war for the rich man who wraps up his greed in God and country and then tells you you're un-American if you don't do what he says. All I can is to these people is FUCK YOU!!! Fuck all of you who sit there in your suburban homes, your fucking lazy rich asses basking in the freedom and security that I and so many other provide!!! Get out of the LazyBoy and go down and enlist if you believe this is a righteous war and you really believe in the lies that our cocksucking president has fed you!!! Even better, send your kids off to fight the war you believe in so much!! I'm sick of you fucking assholes sitting there on the sidelines, driving your gas guzzling SUV which necessitates invading some 3rd world country so that you can gas for under a $2.oo a gallon!!! Fuck all of you when you listen to that fat tub of shit Limbaugh, that schizo idiotic bitch Coulter and that fucking pussy Hannity ... they spoon feed you propaganda and you're too fucking dumb to even question anything they tell you!!!! Did any of them serve in the military? How many of you chickenhawks have put your asses on the line to fight?? You fucking people rattle the sabers, beat the drums, let loose the dogs of war but you're gonna cut funding to help the G.I.'s when they get home and need help from the V.A.!!! Put your money where you mouth is and enlist ... but I know you won't ... because you're cowards hiding behind the flag .. you figure if you sing "God Bless The USA" enough times, wave enough flags, put up enough yellow ribbons that you've done your part!!! You fucking lazy sacks of shit!!! The war machine that the Anti-Christ and his buddies have awakened needs bodies ... not useless symbolic actions!!

Nothing in this world make me sicker than watching rich folks send off poor kids to fight in a war so that their stock portfolio can get a little fatter. Do you fucking idiots think that G.E., Haliburton, and all those other greedy corporations really want to capture Osama? Isn't it in their best interest to keep the war going? Isn't it in their best interest to have the military order another couple thousand smart-bombs at a couple million a piece? Isn't it in their best interest to keep government contracts going so that Haliburton can make a few billion more?

Guess who?

I'm sorry I've ranted and raved ... I just get disgusted by the hipocrisy that runs rampant in this nation. This nation used to be about people who were willing to step up when the situation called for it. Now we just wave a damn flag and quit questioning our leaders because it's too much work. We've become a lazy nation of sheep. We're being led to the proverbial slaughter all the while smiling and waving flags. All I'm saying is that if you really believe in this war, if you really believe this war is the right thing, then go and enlist. Those guys have been there a long time. Most of them were told they were coming home after a year only to be extended time and time again. The more of you that believe in this war and enlist, the more of them can come home ... simple as that.

If you really wanna do something to support the troops, go beyond the empty gestures of tomorrow. Visit a V.A. and talk to the vets there. Organize a drive to get local troops care packages. Write letters to the troops. Write your Congressional representatives telling them to bring our troops home and to increase V.A. funding. As someone who has been there, doing those things will mean so much more than simply sitting around tomorrow and waving a flag.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

My Dating Questionaire

Well Modigli and August Lioness asked for it ... so I'm attempting to put together a questionaire for us men. Hopefully Ruben, Evil, and Yourname will contribute some additional questions as well.

1. Will she sympathize with me when (insert team name here) lose while my buddies taunt me? Does she truly understand the importance of sports?

2. Will she keep wearing sexy underwear after 6 months of dating?

3. Does she really cook or is her idea of a homecooked meal the same as yours? (i.e. Hamburger Helper or one of those frozen skillet meals you simply warm up; and yes, I can actually cook ... I make superb green chile, cheese, chicken enchiladas; great lasagne; I'm a whiz on the grill as well)

4. Is she going to flip out at the drop of a hat and not tell you why she is mad because "you know what you did"? (which equates to alot of little things that I did that I didn't realize would bug her and have now boiled over into one big blow up)

5. Is she going to get pissed off when you say something that you think is completely innocuous such as "Is that a diet Coke?" or "Hey,is everything ok?"? (the infamous ML actually got pissed when when I asked her the 2nd question when she had called me like 4 times in one day while I was at work; I was seriously concerned and yes, she got ticked off)

6. Is she a cultured lady who will not be sighing the entire time in a museum or at an art gallery? Or is she a hood rat (chav for my UK readers) who doesn't like "that Shakespeare guy 'cuz he don't speak english" or makes comments at galleries like "I could paint that" or at a nice restaurant snipes "You all got nachos up in here?"?

7. Can she drink wine on one night and then down wings and beer the next?

8. Does she understand that as men we are much better with actions than with words?

9. Does she truly understand that sometimes the guys just need to go out with the guys so that they can be guys? Will she realize that sometimes we need to laugh at some vulgar humor?

10. Will she think I'm ridiculous because I still feel the need to go the Warped Tour or punk shows at my age? Would she maybe even accompany me? Will she listen to my somewhat poor renditions of songs as I attempt to play to my guitar?

Just a few of the questions I might ask once I didn't get shot down after approaching a woman and actually started dating. Of course you could list references on a seperate sheet and submit a statement of intent. This would be a decent resume for my dating approach. Anyone got any other questions or answer these?

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Puppy Love

Remember as a kid when you had your first crushes on celebrities? They gave you that strange feeling that you couldn't quite figure out. That feeling that you wanted to kiss her and make her ... heaven forbid you say it .... make her your girlfriend. Well, after lunch with co-workers on team building day, I was inspired to list out my first 6 child-hood celeb crushes

Dana Plato
Aaahh yes, Different Strokes. I watched that show religiously and couldn't figure out why I would watch more intently when Kimberly was on the screen. Sure she became a drug addict and did some porn, but she will always be Kimberly to me.

I remember getting to watch The Bad News Bears and it was a big deal. There was swearing in the movie and any sexual reference I didn't quit get. I played little league soccer and distinctly remember thinking that I wish we had a girl as cute as Amanda on our team (we probably did but I just didn't realize it). To top it off, this hottie later went on to make Little Darlings. I remember getting so excited when she wore a bikini. Definitely a high point for a young guy my age to see a girl in a bikini.

Catherine Bach
I loved the Dukes of Hazzard as a kid. It had everything ... car chases, explosions, and of course, Daisy Duke. I now know why my old man would watch this show with us kids.

I never watched any of her other films as a kid except for a couple that for whatever strange reason at the time cemented my crush on her, Freaky Friday and Candleshoe. Little did I know that she'd develop into the super intelligent hottie she is today.

Kim Richards
Another one of those girls whose films I watched as a kid. She was always a cutie and even did some horrible 80's movies. But it was her roles in Escape To Witch Mountain and No Deposit, No Return that I'll always remember her for. She still looks great and little did I know that her nieces are none other than the Hilton twins.

Molly Ringwald
OK now, everyone thought she was the coolest. I still do. I still think she looks great as evidenced above. We all loved her in Sixteen Candles.

Now, sit down and tell the Devil whom you had crushes on!!!!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Such A Geek As I And Why I'm A Corporate Whore

I was talking to my family last night. You know the usual weekly phone call you make where you talk about small things going on in a big family like who's pregnant, who's fighting, etc.. I never vent to my family for some strange reason. I always keep in all of my frustrations and fears as if telling my mom and sisters will lessen the mystique that I've tried to build up (a mystique that is probably in my mind only).

Now it's no secret that I hate my job at times; well ... in fact, at most times. Don't get me wrong; I'm glad to have the income. I'm paid fairly well for doing what I do. The problem is that it just gets old .... fast. You get tired of people with attitudes because they've gotten their ass chewed and need to take it out on you. You get tired of assholes who've waited 'til the day they're due to appear in court to do their work and now expect you to shit out the perfect case for them. You get tired of the guy with the smallest plan giving you absolute hell because he needs to research something outside that plan that is going to cost like $200 for each search all the while squealing like a stuck pig "can't you just give me a sample ID so I can research it?" You get tired of being someone who volunteers to take on additional projects that keep you after work and busy on your own time while others simply do the bare minimum. You get tired of getting your dick slammed in the door with the smallest screw up because you were being pro-active at the time. But all in all, it's a fairly easy job that if I chose to skate by, I could do with no effort. BUT that isn't me. I don't just want to get by; I want to excel; I want to do things that matter; I want to be the best I can at whatever I do.

So I was venting all of this to my mom and sister this past week. BOTH of them surprised the living hell out of me when they said "Well, what is it you think you really want to do?" I sheepishly told them I think I would like being a teacher or a professor. Both pretty much said "Well, what is it you need to do to make that happen?" I was shocked. Not because I think they're not supportive. Mind you, I had been in school within one month of getting out of the Army (Jul 1996) to graduating law school (May 2003). I just thought they both might be of the mindset "Well, aren't you done with school yet?" Not at all. My mother was especially supportive. She was telling me that "if you're not happy, why are you doing this then?"

I didn't have the heart to tell my mom after my first semester of law school I sorta knew something was wrong. I just wasn't enjoying the subjects like I did in undergrad. I mean, I genuinely enjoyed most of my Sociology classes. I enjoyed discussing race and ethnicity and Marx and Durkheim and social movements and class warfare and so on. I enjoyed reading about ethnic groups struggling to integrate into mainstream society such as the Mexicans, the Chinese, the Italians, and the Irish. But reading about Contracts and Civil Procedure just didn't do it for me. After my first year of law school, I was completely despondent. I began to gather up applications from grad schools and started looking into GRE courses. But being my father's son (which means I am stubborn as all hell when I want to be), I decided to stick it out. For a short while, Intellectual Property (Copyright and Trademark) fired up my imagination. But it was always the lure of teaching that got me the most excited.

Perhaps its just that whole "grass is greener" thing. I always admired teachers, professors, or those that work with kids. They make a real difference in this world. They guide the future, bear a great burden, and yet politicians and parents shit all over them. You always remember your teachers, especially those that made a difference for you (Thanks Mr. Mardis, Mrs. Brooks, Mrs. Worrell, Coach Severson, Sister Francis, Mrs. Tabb, Mrs. Roberts, Pedro, Prof. Nelson, Prof. Torres, Prof. Gonzales ... each of you never let me get away with doing the bare minimum; you pushed me because you believed I could not only do the work but excel at it). They are truly building people and teaching them work ethics, trying to keep their minds sharp, and trying to get them to believe that all things are equal. Truly an admirable job. And thanks to Modigli for taking care of our most important future resources.

I simply work at a job where 90% of the people who call are looking for a way to circumvent the law so that their clients don't have to pay taxes or can make securities trades that are only a shade above immoral. I don't mold minds; I don't develop strong open minded people.
I contribute nothing to the future of this country; I assist law firms whose clients are looking for ways to raid their employee's pension funds without any repurcussions. Needless to say when I get the phone call for assistance from a public defender or legal aid, I'll bust my ass until we get something that will help their clients. After assisting some of those big law firms looking for ways for their clients to get around laws that you and I have to follow, I feel so dirty that no shower in the world could clean me. I once helped someone representing a pharmaceutical association who wanted help to find a statute that prevented people there from buying drugs from Canada and Mexico. Knowing that the majority of those buying from Canada or Mexico are elderly and or low income, I felt so fucking dirty ... like a piece of my soul and dignity had died. At that moment, I truly felt like a corporate whore.

Yet I digress. I was amazed that my family would still be so supportive after 7 straight years of school. Not one of them think that my considering going back to school is wrong; quite the opposite. They think if that is what it would take to make me happy, then that is what I should do. I can always go back and take a bar in the future anyways. And to top it all off, Pedro sent me a draft copy of his first book to review. The thought of a book .. hell, even a draft copy ... with my name across the front is just way too cool. Maybe the big Jefe upstairs is trying to tell me something.

So I was charged up by this conversation that the next night I looked up all the schools I'm interested in. Of course, I'll have to gear up for the GRE and start practicing. I worked at Kaplan for years, so I have an idea of what I'll need to do to gear up for the test. I'll have to write a statement of intent which I think might give a clue as to what I'd be interested in writing about. But they also want a writing sample. Now most of the papers I wrote in undergrad were written under the gun between studying for the LSAT and finals. I have a paper from law school which I can hopefully work into quite a jem. The next night, I ran over to Barnes & Noble, grabbed an iced almond latte from the Starbucks within, and started editing it. I printed off a bunch of related articles and started doing some additional research. And you know what .... I really enjoyed reading these obscure articles on such minute points of history, law, and the social movements around them. Reading articles that maybe 50 people or so have ever read; dusting off books that haven't been checked out in 10 years just to find a paragraph or line worth quoting. I loved it .... yeah .... I'm a huge geek.

Hi. I'm here to pick up your roommate for our date. Whatta ya mean
she locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


Well, I just got tagged by the lovely and talented Modigli. She knew that Tuesday was all about Los Mexicanos. Viva Mexico y Viva La Raza! This is all about my musical tastes, so here goes .....

1. Total Volume of music files on my computer:
Well, let's see .. hopefully I get this right because most of my MP3's I transferred onto compact discs so that I could free up some room on my computer (old piece of shit). I should have roughly only about 600M of music on my computer. BUT ... I do have everything backed up onto MP3 CDs, each holds about 140 songs, I have about 20 of those .... so roughly about 2800 songs.

2. Last CD I bought was:
Wow ... this one is tough because I either use iTunes or Napster. The last physical CD I bought was a special order from Amazon.com, Jarabe de Palo "Bonito". Great Spanish band; if you love DMB, this is essentially the Spanish/Latin music equivalent. Check out the sound bites. You might like this track and this one especially.

3. Song playing right now:
Courtesy of my Launch station; "Seed" - Sublime; great song and great melody.

4.Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me (in no particular order):
Wow .. only 5? That's damn near impossible; I'll try to do it within reason.

Yeah, I know the poster is for a different song, but it's still BOB

"No Woman, No Cry" - Bob Marley
When I was in the Army and my ex-fiance had broken off our engagement, I was a mess. I became the biggest asshole on the face of the earth (yes, even bigger than the one I am now ... heh-heh); I was bitter, hurt, and just moped about. Luckily, we had a 24 hour gym on post and I was working out at nights. So after working out I went for a run in that cold Korean fall. This song was playing on my Walkman as I ran ... and when that chorus hit ".... everything's gonna be alright .... everythings gonna be alright now ... ", I just felt the weight of the world gone for a few fleeting moments. Now whenever I get too down, I just listen to the whole song and all is good.

"Volver Volver" - Vicente Fernandez (I prefer the Los Lobos version)
This song is my grandparent's song. My abuelito (grandfather) loved Vicente Fernandez, a mariachi/ranchera singer who is a living legend in Mexico. This was his and my grandmother's "song". At their 50th anniversary, my aunts and uncles threw them a huge party and a band of mariachis serenaded the two with this song. My abuelito passed away that year at X-Mas, so whenever I hear this song, I think of him. If you're curious, the lyrics and translation are here.

The ever cheerful Robert Smith of The Cure

"Just Like Heaven" - The Cure/ "Bizarre Love Triangle" - New Order
Probably 2 of my fave songs ever. I grew up in a small hicktown in eastern New Mexico that had an air force base. One of my friends grew up in California before her folks were stationed at the base. She always swore she would turn me on to "new wave" or "alternative" music and I vowed to resist. We started college together at the University of New Mexico and when I heard these 2 songs at a dance/party, that was it. Eating crow never tasted or sounded so good.

"Puto" - Molotov
My only real spring break is when I was at ASU. We all headed down to Mexico for a couple of nights. In Mexico, they'll show Americans the way to nasty, dirty, hole in the wall clubs but won't clue you in to where the nice clubs are. Well, we went down, met some girls who clued us in, and went to a great night club. They played this song like 4 times that night while my friend DR and I got lit on free tequila, Coronas, and Carta Blancas all the while singing this at the top of our lungs. Driving back the next day, we must've played "Let Me Ride", "Ants Marching", "What's My Age Again" and "If I Had A Million Dollars" a hundred times.

"Love Train" - The O'Jays
If you've read my post about Motown and bleach, you'll know that Motown and 70's R&B remind me of my good ole' mom. So this song, which is in every other commercial it seems, reminds of her.

SOOOOO ... now I get to pass this on to 5 people ... we'll see if they still read me!!!
Pirate Bride: She's always posting lyrics to great songs on her blog, so hopefully she'll regale us with some of her musical taste here.
Trixie: She listens to the greatest internet radio station in the world, www.woxy.com, so I know she'll have some great music.
Barb: Having lived in Colombia and faced guerillas, Barb definitely will have a hold on some great world music. So Barb, let's have it!
NML: Just a sweet Irish lady trying to make it in the world today. Between her skirt blowing up and the odd lad leading her on, she still manages to keep her chin up and all of us laughing. Plus, her mom totally played Motown growing up as well.
Cammie: My fave Tennessee lady. An artist and one of the funniest people in the world out there. She says she in sort of a funk lately, so hopefully she'll snap out of it with this.

Hey .. why stop at 5?

Alan: This guy has a great blog. Seriously, one of the best out there. He's up on his music so any insight he gives will be smart and witty.
Mark: This guy is a hilarious Brit. Hopefully he'll update soon and get back around to reading blogs.
JHD: Hilarious lady here. She hasn't updated in a while, so maybe this will inspire her! She is always good with the lists!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Thoughts On Getting Older

I know I'm getting older ... last night I was actually concerned about getting to bed early since my work schedule changed. I'm becoming my parents who never wanted to go anywhere during the week ... and I hate it!!! Next thing you know I'll find a grey hair or I won't be able to recover from hangovers after a few hours sleep, a huge Denny's breakfast, a couple of quarts of Gatorade, and 3-4 ibuprofen!!!

I'm just a bitter little cuss, aren't I? .... LOL

Sunday, May 22, 2005

The Ideal Life .... If You Can Get It

One of my friends asked me the other day if all things being equal and money wasn't a factor, what would I do for a living. The answer is easy for me: being a college professor. Now I know some people who are studying for their PhD's right now might look at me as if I'm crazy, but let me tell you about the life of one of my professors back at Arizona State University. Pedro is one of those people that I know no matter where I go in this crazy world that I will always keep in touch with. He will be the first to admit he has got a great gig.

Pedro's typical office hours ...
(and no, that isn't Pedro; he's not very Pedro looking)

I envy his life. He gets to teach a subject he thoroughly enjoys and has spent years researching. Unfortunately, he won't be teaching this fall because the entire department erupted into a chaotic mess of back stabbing, half truths, and disfunction. The entire fiasco got so bad that the president of the university decided that the entire department would simply go away and merge those profs into existing departments. So now ASU will have no Sociology department.

On top of that is the constant pressure to publish. Pedro could care less about seeing his name in some big name soc. joural; all he wanted to do was teach. He was often stuck with "Introduction to Sociology" classes which are like 300 students and just a pain in the ass to teach. But he was still happy to just teach. Unfortunately, the department kept pushing the whole publishing thing and became sort of a persona non grata with a few of those who wanted to see their names in lights along side with the greats like Cornell West or Henry Louis Gates.

Overall though, Pedro will always say he has a great gig. He teaches a few days a week (typically 3-4 classes a semester and usually on M,W, F). He goes to class in shorts, short sleeve shirts, and Birkenstocks. His office hours are usually dead because most students are simply taking the class as a requirement. Evenings he spends in the library going through some obscure articles and writes a bit each day. I know Pedro has spent years getting to where he is and I completely appreciate the work he's done to get there since I have a J.D. myself. But the fact that he gets to research topics he's interested in, write articles on them, design classes around the way that he likes, and gets to dress down is not a bad gig ... if you can get it.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

The Devil Is Cheap And Easy .....

Lists are cheap and easy .... sorta like the Devil on a date, heh-heh. So here is a list of movies for guys who like movies according to the Devil .....

The Shawshank Redemption: I've never met or heard of a guy who didn't like this movie. Definitely an American classic and always on TNT reruns. This is one of those ultimate guy movies.

Red and Andy checking out the ladies (on the screen of course)

Dumb and Dumber: A touching piece of cinematic history. Touching and tender, nothing is more touching that watching 2 guys take a cross country trip and grow closer. And as wrong as it is, I laughed like a madman when the blind kid was petting the parakeet (which had it's head taped back on with duct tape .....)

Toe nails suck!

Tombstone: This is a great just a simple revenge story. You kill my brother and I'll hunt down each of you and make you pay. Historically inaccurate as hell (I'm sorta of an Old West history buff ... no reenactments thank you very much), but still good fun.

These guys are going to see a man about a horse ... literally!!

Fast Times At Ridgemont High: In high school, I wanted to be Jeff Spicoli.

My high school hero .. Jeff Spicoli
Every redblooded (not a reference to the GOP) guy in the world has watched this for one scene. Phoebe Cates gave me those "special feelings" when I was still in junior high and saw this the first time. Her husband is a lucky fucker and a great actor as well!

This scene still gives me those "special feelings"

Young Guns: Do you think I like westerns? I saw this in college the first time and proceeded to see it like 5 more times at theaters across Albuquerque. The fact that it was about Billy The Kid made it all the more appealing and filmed entirely in my home state made it even more appealling.

Pre-coke/hooker Charlie and Pre-24 Keifer

Goodfellas: Oh yeah baby. This one is fucking awesome. Nothing is more awesome than when Ray Liotta confronts the 3 pricks that fucked with his future wife and beats the one guy down with the butt of his pistol. Oh man, this movie is awesome beginning to end.

I'm funny how? ....Like a clown funny?... How the fuck am I funny Henry?

Jackass: I've said enough about Knoxville and this movie. It is an American classic.

New environmentally friendly nipple clamps from the Eco-Hustler store

Any Cheech and Chong movie: From Next Movie to Up In Smoke, these guys are still hilarious after all these years. Stoner/slacker humor is always funny.

The original Los Guys

The Blues Brothers: This is about the only musical to ever make a list of guy movies. Awesome movie with great music and Belushi was a master of making the small things funny as hell. Ray Charles and even John Lee Hooker are in this movie as well.

Two whole chickens and a Coke and dry white toast

Smokey and the Bandit: Another movie that for some reason, the guys still love. If this is on TV, I'll find myself watching this even if I catch it halfway through it.

Homeland security cuts by the Bush administration have really hit hard

Animal House: Anyone who's been to college and especially if you were in a fraternity, this is required viewing.

Why isn't everyday life this much fun?

Black Hawk Down: One of the best war movies ever. As soldiers would say, this shows you what "being in the shit" is like. Fast, furious, confusing.


Saving Private Ryan: This was the first war movie to really show what war is. As a former soldier, I know that it is not glorious. War is ugly; war is guys shitting themselves; grown men crying for their mothers as they lay dying. I think the Anti-Christ and his chickenhawk cabinet (most of whom NEVER served in the military) need to rewatch this movie to remind them of what war truly is.

Anticipation is a bitch

Old School: Great movie here. Nothing is funnier than Will Ferrell running naked down the street and asking if KFC is still open!!!

Kerri Strug has really let herself go

High Fidelity: Any single guy over the age of 30 will go through the whole "what is it all about" thing. This movie is the perfect vehicle for capturing that male angst.

Cusack's t-shirt is awesome! Why would I think that ... heh-heh?

Of course, this list isn't all inclusive. Feel free to add your nominations for guy's movies.

Friday, May 20, 2005

All The Other Kids Are Doing It ....

Ruben and Modigli have both taken this quiz and posted it. So I figured why not?

Your dating personality profile:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Funny - You laugh often. People never accuse you of lacking a sense of humor. You don't take yourself too seriously.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Your date match profile:

Funny - You consider a good sense of humor a major necessity in a date. If her jokes make you laugh, she has won your heart.
Intellectual - You seek out intelligence. Idle chit-chat is not what you are after. You prefer your date who can stimulate your mind.
Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Your Top Ten Traits

1. Liberal
2. Funny
3. Big-Hearted
4. Intellectual
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Athletic
7. Practical
8. Traditional
9. Romantic
10. Adventurous
Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Funny
2. Intellectual
3. Practical
4. Conservative
5. Traditional
6. Adventurous
7. Athletic
8. Shy
9. Religious
10. Romantic

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

It's On Like Donkey Kong

It's been a whirlwind couple of days for us guys. All 3 major video game manufacturers announced and gave demos of their new systems this week.

And to top if off ... the trailers for the movie that will solve world hunger, bring world peace, make us all remember the more noble qualities of humanity, and unite all of mankind in the pursuit of the fine arts .... yes my friends, the movie trailers are now available here. Our 2 heroes will make us better for having shared time with them .... I should go into politics with the crap I can shell out... I sound like a Republican dishing out this crap ...... they'd probably hire me as a speech writer to justify invading some 3rd world country with a marginal military and vast natural resources all in the name of some corporation trying to trademark "freedom".

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Living Here Sux .. But This One Apt. Is Nice

So on Sunday afternoon, I had a meeting with my leasing office at my apartment complex. You go through the usuals: the fake smile; the disingenious concern about their lack of having seen you around the complex ("Gosh, you must be working like crazy. I haven't seen you around in ages!"); the seeming innocuous questions that simply point to the fact that they have no fucking idea who you are ("Now you have a small dog, right?" ... "No, I've been here 2 years but no dog."); and there there is the offer that is in your best interest ("Well, your rent is only going up by $20 a month, so we definitely need to get you locked in at this rate as soon as possible.").

Well, sitting there completely disgusted with my complex and their lack of building maintenance, I was somehow moved to start asking about different apartments. The leasing officer's face lit up like a 100 watt bulb at this point.

"Well what are you looking for?"

"Something where I get a bit more sunshine and with a washer/dryer."

"We do have these units that are one bedroom and equipped for a washer/dryer or we can equip them."

This was up my alley. She walks me over to an apartment within the same area as mine. It's a 2nd story which is fine with me because there are no neighbors overhead fucking like banshee which only serves to remind me that my shift under the bridge is upcoming. But the difference between my hovel and this new apartment is apparent. This place is huge and it's airy. It faces south so there is a ton of sunshine on the patio so that my skin tone might begin to faintly resemble my ethnicity. The front room is a lot larger than my current apt. and it even has a fireplace. The balcony isn't surronded by 5 pine trees that are nice in the summer but end up with their branches all over my railing in the winter. Plus I could finally get my DirectTV so I can watch my Spanish TV channels to bone up on my espanol.

The problem? Get this ... my complex wants a $250 transfer fee!!! And with a W/D hookup, it runs another $50. So my rent would be $649. The more I think about it, the more I think it might be time to move. But, I did love the apartment, but the transfer fee and nearly an extra $70 in rent might be motivation to look elsewhere.

Monday, May 16, 2005

It's Ruben's Fault For My Train Of Thought Here!!!

If anyone gets the chance, there are some outstanding blogs listed on the right hand side there. I've added a few recently including Modigli, Ruben, and yournamehere. If you guys get the chance, please check them out. They've got some great stuff going on in their blogs.

Now Ruben has gotten me thinking ... and not in a good way. He has a post which had me laughing so hard, I thought I'd piss myself (in of itself a gross thought, but pretty funny when you think about it). But now it's got me thinking ... who at MY job is having sex? And where would they be having sex????

So as I walked around today, I was completely trying to read faces of people when they talked. Could the old guy and the young TECH girl be fucking over someone's Dell monitor? What about the guy and the gal who locked themselves into one of the key card access rooms the other night alone only to reappear later looking as if the room was a bit warm (or was I imagining that)? What about the folks down at the company cafeteria? Are any of them having gratiutous sex over the cabbage rolls? Is that why you never seen them eating anything they've cooked? What about the cleaning staff at night? Is that guy not only waxing the floor, but waxing that ass as well?

And all through the office, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
well, maybe a rabbit ......

And other than on cabbage rolls, where would one have sex in my building? I guess there are some darkened rooms and small cubbyholes here and there. I will now spend the next week or so examining my co-workers to see if I can trace the hint of sexual impropriety anywhere! But then again, I do work with nothing but lawyers who are way too conservative and uptight. Their idea of flaunting it is unbuttoning the top 2 of 3 buttons on a polo. I'm sure Modigli has some wild teacher stories. I know NML will have some crazy office hijinks there in London probably involving some cohorts and the boss' desk. Maybe I'll be able to give you some wild story .... but probably not. Ahh, the things I do to pass my days by.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

An Additional Bit of Advice

Yournamehere had this great post about graduation. This is a super post filled with they type of advice that most of us wouldn't give recent graduates who are starry eyed and wanting to change the world. It's great that he makes you see through some of those iconic images we are all so familiar with and essentially reduces them to .... well .... whores. Now he has done a much better job than I have of putting some advice out there. But, the Devil has a bit of advice for you recent graduates himself. Some of these are those cheesy things your folks tell you, but maybe if a bitter recent graduate tells you, it might sink in.

1. Keep in touch with your friends from college.This is obvious because you never know when you might need a reference. Of course, there is the whole speel about friends forever and so on. BUT, there is nothing worse in this world than having to go back over a bridge you have burned down. When you fuck someone over, memory is a bitch.

2. Believe in something. I don't give a damn if its God, Buddha, fairies, imps, the X-Men, etc.. Just have something to guide yourself on the path of life. Remember, what works for you isn't what will necessarily work for me (yeah, I see the irony of giving advice with this line of thought). There is an old Zen saying .. "There are many paths to the mountain's summit; yet the same moonlight shines over each one."

3. Leave things a little better than you found them. A simple creed, a simple thought. Everywhere you go, everything you do, everyone you meet ... leave that place, that activity, or that person a little better for having had you around. No, that doesn't mean putting up a new Gap or Banana Republic or Starbucks. Volunteer to do something that doesn't benefit you directly. You'd be amazed at how much you might enjoy it.

4. Find what makes you happy and do it. I went to law school hesitantly. Do you know a big part of why I did go? Because I didn't think I'd be able to make a living if I would've went after my PhD in Sociology. Now I work a job where I'm miserable from time to time. The money is decent, but everyday I have to swallow my pride a bit more, help out some of the sleaziest characters on the face of the earth, and hate what I do a bit more almost every day. If you find what you truly wanna do, you'll find a way to make money doing it or a way to keep doing it.

5. As Public Enemy once said, don't believe the hype. When somone tries to convince you of something that you don't believe in, have a debate. Don't sit there and let someone browbeat you into their point of view. Don't believe it when someone says "Well if you don't think/agree with me, you must be against God/country." Intelligent debate and open questioning are the keystones in any democracy. Right now more than ever, we need that in this country. Stand up for what you believe, but always be prepard for someone to put up a good argument.

6. Quit giving in to paranoia and question everything. You have a college fucking degree now ... question everything!! Especially when it comes from a brain dead fuck in D.C. who has whored out freedom so that a few companies can boost their profits. Ask the who, what, why, where, and when for EVERYTHING. You might not like the answers, but you just might clue someone in to what is going on in the world. You might begin to figure out that almost no politicians really give a fuck about you (sorry Nonamehere; I'm kinda reiterating your point here). Question why is it that everytime there is a scandal involving the Anti-Christ (W) or his cabinet, all of a sudden there is a terror alert. Question why is it that the government is proposing cuts in VA benefits, but giving Haliburton a bonus despite it's accounting irregularities. Questiong the Anti-Christ, the conservatives, the liberals, the evangelicals, the GOP, the Dems .... just question everything and everyone. That is what makes you a better person in the long run and if you get fed up enough, you just might do something to make a difference.

Fucking Whore

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Lazy Customers, Bowling, and Bad Food

So Friday night, I was excited to head over to do my part bowling for a good cause. So how did the Devil bowl? Did he break the elusive 100? Is he going to be in one of those terrible ESPN bowling programs during the summer when sports news is slow? Not quite, see what had happened was ....

With my new shift, I figured I would be done about 7:30 or 7:40 at the latest. This would give me over an hour to get home, get changed, throw a burger down my throat and hit the bowling alley. Sounds like a good plan right? Wrong. See, I work in a customer support job and we have these certain accounts that if need be, we'll wipe their ass for them. So, I get this lazy fuck on Friday night a little before 7 who calls in. The gist of my job is that you call in for some legal research help, I help point you to some relevant code sections or cases, and then you at least get an idea of what to do from there. My job is not to be a free clerk for some lazy fuck on the other end. So I get this lazy fuck on Friday night, 7 P.M.. Here's how it goes. He gives some very scant information and I start my search. I keep asking his questions about what he is looking for to clarify things. I say things like "Is this the sort of thing we're looking for?" to which he replies, "I dunno .... maybe." So I spend 40 minutes with this lazy sack of shit who won't help me find stuff for him. So I offer to call him back because everything I am seeing is saying the opposite of what he wants. I work for another 20 minutes on my own and find 2 laws that explain the process for what he wants to do.

So I call him back with what I've found only to have him say "No, that isn't quite what I'm looking for ... see, what I need is this ... ". He actually changes what he wants. So when I ask "O.K., so we need things that say "X" instead of "Y", right?" He again replies, "I dunno ... maybe." So I spend another 40 minutes with this brain dead fuck reading him anything and everything I can possibly come across. I put my phone on mute and I am swearing like a sailor because this guy won't work at all with me to help him. I felt like Jerry Fucking Maguire begging him "Help me help you." Nothing. This guy is making 6 figures a year and is sitting there dumb as a fucking doorknob not giving me any information other than "maybe". So after 40 minutes of reading everything I have come across, telling him that the things I am coming across are the exact opposite of what he wants, or that the 2 laws I spoke of earlier appear in every fucking thing I have come across, he finally just decides to keep searching on his own!!!! I will probably get fired because someone probably heard me swearing like a sailor and will turn me in. I have NEVER in my life came so close to quitting or telling someone off. Part of my problem is that I take way too much pride in my work and I am tenacious about getting the right information. I just wouldn't quit because he wouldn't say anything. So later this week, you'll probably read a post from the Devil saying that I got my ass canned.

Find the Devil
So, I don't leave work for a full hour after I was supposed to get off of shift. I get to the bowling alley and walk through to find my team of bowlers. Guess what? Like the dumbfuck I am, I got the wrong bowling alley. I run back to work, download the flyer only to discover that the bowling alley is a good 30 minutes from work. I don't have anyone on my team's phone numbers. I've got one friend, SD, meeting me at the wrong bowling alley, we meet up and head to the other bowling alley. Long story short, I don't get to bowl.

Now mind you, I haven't eaten to this point since lunch. So I start drinking pitchers of beer. After 2 hours of watching others bowl, SD and I decide to hit another bar which JHD and some others agreed they would meet us at once they've finished. SD and I go and end up having a decent time at the other bar and decide we'll definitely head back. The others did not show and I'll be curious to hear why since the bar we went to was their recommendation.
Now, it's 2 AM and I need food bad!! So the only thing near my apartment open is Taco Hell. I go through the drive thru and pick up a 1/2 lb. combo burrito, nachos supreme, and a mexi-melt. I get home and start eating only to realize that I shouldn't have been driving in the first place. I scarf my food and start to doze off on the couch. Bad idea. I haven't drank enough water to rehydrate my buzzing ass, so naturally things begin to fell a bit queasy. I get up, down a quart of Gatorade and a quart of water along with 3 ibuprofen. The only problem is that the Taco Hell isn't settling all that well either. So I end up, passed out on my couch reclining against the arm rest for the evening (or what's left of it). The Devil had a good night in all even though he'll probably get his ass canned!!!

Friday, May 13, 2005

The Work Is Killing Me

My new shift is killing me folks. I've finally managed to work my way down in time. I was working from 12 to 9, but after a year, I've gotten down to 10:30 to 7:30 which is actually perfect. I miss morning traffic and I miss evening traffic.

The problem is that for a year now, I've been 12 to 9. My body is still in that mode for now. It's amazing how long it takes your body to adjust to something like this. Also, parking is now a problem. When I went in at noon, I had my choice of spots because everyone goes to lunch between 11 and 1. So I'd cruise into the parking lot directly in front of my building and pull in .. no problems. Now, I've got to drive to the backside of the building. That may not seem like much of a problem for most, but you've got realize we have like 4000 people working in our buildings. The campus is like the size of a junior college. So now I'm parking way way way on the backside. It's taking me 10 minutes just to get inside the building now!!

BUT, it is great getting off of work when the sun is still out. I can now go to the grocery store when all the single people are there and think of a new excuse why I don't talk to the single women.

The Devil is going to a bowling fundraiser, so we'll see how that goes and we'll see if I can crack 100. Don't laugh; I'm the world's worst bowler. I can send a ball down the lane straight up the middle only to watch it veer at the last second into the gutter. My co-workers who have bowled with me are astounded by my ability to miss the pins in those 2 or 3 feet before contact should be made. Wish me luck!!

No, that's not me ... but that is how I look during lunch at my desk everyday

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Dave Attell On Late Night ...

My fave comedian, Dave Attell, was on Conan the other night. Conan is great and of course, if you need a Triumph fix, just go here. To give you a taste of Dave Attell's comedy, I've tried to give you a bit of what he said ....

"Stoners, quit making your dog live the stoner lifestyle. They put a bandana and sunglasses on him and they're like "Look, he's stoned." No, he's not stoned. He's embarrassed to be seen with you. I'm an alcoholic. I dont make my dog live the alcoholic lifestyle. I don't make him pick up fat dogs because he's drunk and doesn't know any better."

"I hate when potheads offer me pot. It's like this big overblown deal. They like .. "Psst, want some weed?" Its pot; it's not even that illegal. If you're gonna make a big deal about something, make it really illegal. "Psst ... wanna eat a bald eagle?"

"We were popeless there for a about a week, people. It was like Catholic spring break. I was having sex ... with a condom. I was teaching evolution .... to my husband."

On being a comedian: "
Well, if you want to spend your life going from airport to club to strip club to ATM back to strip club and then masturbating in a hotel room, then this is the career for you."

"I used to be on drugs, but that was way back .... over there."

On going to Pamplona for the running of the bulls: "So the bulls got the guy pinned down and rips his pants off .. just with his horns!! Not with ... cocaine or ... promises of acting work. Just the horns God gave him."

"Summer isn't fat man weather. You ever seen a fat guy at the bus stop in the summer? He always looks like he's trying to remember something .... (sighs) ... "Oh yeah, I'm fat."

If Dave Attell ever hits your town, GO SEE HIM. You will laugh your ass off, I guarantee it.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Wrong House Dude

All of Earth Girl's drinking stories about her friends got me thinking about some of my exploits back in my good ole' frat brat days at Sigma Phi Epsilon. This one involved 3 of my fraternity brothers: B-Dub, Sloppy, and Lance.

A little background would be good here. B-Dub is a huge black guy who has the most serious "I'm gonna kick your ass look" on his face if you don't know him. At the same time, he is one of the most mellow guys in all of the world as well as being one of the funniest fuckers I've ever had the privilege of calling my brother. Sloppy is a spoiled rich kid from Dallas whose father is on some board of directors for Dr. Pepper He got his nickname because that is the type of drunk he is: sloppy complete with slurred speech. Lance is a guy from Kansas who wore a cowboy hat all the time, even with shorts and sandals.

Now, every year in the southwest, Nike sponsors a flag football tourney. At each major university, the team that wins intramural flag football gets to go to Tempe and compete in a tourney on the campus of Arizona State University ("ASU"; where I later transferred to). Every year for about 4 years straight, Sigma Phi Epsilon ("Sig Ep") won the cup and this particular year was no exception. So they get the honor of getting drunk in Tempe, playing a few games of flag football, and crashing at the ASU chapter of Sig Ep in the game room.

So after losing the first 2 games, the guys are out of the tourney and decide to head out. They hit the bars on Mill Ave. (the bar district next to campus) and proceed to get plowed. All the guys except B-Dub, Lance, and Sloppy head back. They hit Hooters 'til close, drinking, flirting, and eating. On the way back to the house, they decide it's time to smoke a little, toast the season they've had in flag football, and do some male bonding. They head up to the roof of the house. After about an hour, Lance decides to turn in and Sloppy tells B-Dub that he has some beer left so he'll grab it and be right back up.

So B-Dub is baked and sitting on the roof for about an hour. Then he realizes that Sloppy probably fell asleep. He gets down from the roof and goes to the front room. He sits on the couch and grabs the remote and starts to watch a bit of T.V. when a couple of guys enter the room.

Guy1: Can I help you??
B-Dub: Naw man; I'm cool ... just watching some T.V..
Guy 2: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
B-Dub: I'm just watching some T.V., man.
Guy 2: Who in the fuck are you?
B-Dub: I'm one of the guys from New Mexico.
Guy 1: We don't have a fucking chapter in New Mexico.
Guy 2: You're in the wrong fucking house, guy.
B-Dub: Man, this is so fucked up. This is because I'm black, isn't it? We're all fucking brothers and I can't believe you're gonna pull this shit on me. That's fucked up. We're all part of the Golden Heart; we're all Sig Eps ....
Guy 2: You're in the wrong fucking house, dude. The Sig Ep house is next door.

Official Rush Photo

Needless to say that "Wrong house dude" became an unofficial calling card for B-Dub. To this day whenever I visit Albuquerque, we meet up to have a few too many beers and I'll always ask him to tell that story because it never gets old.