Friday, September 15, 2006

This Is One For Deeesguy

Ever since the lovely NML decided to post her pic on the web, I've been torn. Not having my pic up leaves that sense of mystery. Anonymity also gives one the chance to rant and rave about work and friends.

However, things have been decent lately and I enjoy my job. I'm making friends here and there and I'm moving into my own place in ATL. And I did promise to show my ugly mug sooner or later. So be kind and try to keep the bile from rising in the back of your throats when you view the monstrosity that is my face. Without further delay, I give you the elephant man .... errr, Cincysundevil .... well, me that is.

While I do love the Irish, my maroon ASU cap is what I'm normally wearing. So I have to post one of both up here.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Carl from ATHF a.k.a. Cincysundevil

I've determined that I will probably be alone the rest of my life and die one of those horrible deaths you read about on the back page of your local paper or in News of the Weird where I kick the bucket and my pet ferrett has to eat my carcass to survive until someone at work notices that the tubby Latin guy hasn't been in for about a week.

Why yes, I do have a penchant for the dramatic.

See this handsome fella to the left here. Yeah ... him. See, that is what my future revealed looks like. This all came to me this past week when I was driving in to work. It had rained like hell the night before and the roads were a little damp. I'm hauling ass like in the left lane LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD WHO DRIVES IN THE LEFT LANE ... ahem. Anyways, I'm driving in when the jack-fuck in front of me decides he needs to slow down ... very quickly. I hit my brakes and my car starts to hydroplane. In an instant, my life flashed in front of my eyes. Know what I saw? A gray patch ... literally a gray plane with nothing significant happening. It was this big void of nothingness and just sheer panic.

I didn't hit the car and I have to admit that I was crushed that my life didn't flash before my eyes with a host of milestones.
As I started driving again and pulling my boxers out from the inside of my ass (thus giving a nearly literal translation to the term skid mark), I realized that currently the things I look forward to are quite pathetic.

Is the fact that the cafeteria at work is serving tacos on Thursday really something to look forward to? Should I really be crossing my legs in anticipation and bouncing like a little school kid waiting for the new Jackass movie to be released? Just how much excitement should building your Friday evening around a trip to Barnes & Noble really garner? It was as if Dean Wormer were speaking to my life when he said "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son".

So I've decided to embrace my inevitable fate as a single curmudgeon by looking forward to those things that will make me so. For instance, I have decided that I will now give myself permission to wear black dress socks with sandals since there will be no wife yelling at me to not do so. I will buy the top-of-the-line garden hose to spray on small children and dogs daring to cross my lawn. I will refuse to update my wardrobe more than once every 5 years since I will have no one to impress. I get to let my ear hair grow wildly a la Yoda. I resolve to keep all stray baseballs, frisbees, and footballs that accidentally get tossed into my back yard.

Yes my friends ... while I may end up like my friend Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with my Coors Light cut-out of Pam Anderson being the only thing resembling the female form to grace my bed, I will have a damn good time becoming the curmudgeon I am inevitably fated to be.

Now you damn kids get off of my blog!!!!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Adios Mate

I know you're going to think I'm full of shit for this post. But I'm dead serious. I'm really bummed about this. The Crocodile Hunter is dead. Steve Irwin was killed doing what he loved best in this world and that is certainly the way to go. Truly, not many of us in this world can ever say that we are doing what we truly love and better yet, died while doing it.

I'll admit, the Crocodile Hunter was always a guilty pleasure of mine. I always was amazed watching this cat grabbing a rattlesnake by the tail and expounding on the virtues of how gorgeous this animal is whilst dodging certain death from a bite. I loved watching this guy jump over a fence as a croc chased him. I loved watching this guy travel to remote corners of the globe grabbing every sort of animal with the same glee that I had as a small boy picking up lizard or
horned toads (or as we called them, horny toads). It was exciting to see someone who had found his calling and was truly enthused about it. Enthusiasm is infectious, as is a negative attitude. Mr. Irwin had enough enthusiasm for us all.

I'm a huge softie (which I'm sure some of you have figured out by now) and I really have a soft spot for animals (excepts for a rat which invaded the Marmot house I shared with Deeesguy down in the 'Nati). Irwin went to zoos and helped gather money to rehouse some animals in need of larger facilities. Hell, we can't even get Americans to shell out money for a homeless shelter much less for animals. Yet this guy would hit 3rd world nations to help care for animals and solicit money for their upkeep.

What Steve will truly be remembered for is the effect he'll have on the environment for decades to come. Kids of all sorts watched his show and he always made his commentary on the need to save our environment. I know this will have a positive influence on so many of those kids (except for those whose parents might actually believe the "intelligent design" is different from creationism and that global warming hasn't been proved yet). I'm only hoping that these kids who tuned in to watch him dodge crocs will not give in to corporate interests (enrich the shareholders or save the planet? Easy call if you ask me ... fuck the shareholders!) and do what it takes to save our planet where my generation has so miserably failed.