Thursday, January 11, 2007

Americans Fall For Anything

We live in a nation ruled by those who can scream the loudest and make you the most scared. Don't believe me? Look at these jackfucks to my right; do you really think they're all that smart? Don't you think that they really believe that Cheney-Bush-Nazi message that if you don't vote for the Darkside, the other guys would just allow terrorists in at every port in this nation?

Of course, this is all the fault of Beverly Hills 90210. This is the show that started all of this bullshit with superlatives. Superlatives have ruined America for anyone who can think beyond a Toby Keith commercial. You see, it was this "program" that always ran this promo:

"Brenda must decide what to do after lunch while Dylan combs his hair so as to not look so old. On a very special 90210."

How in the fuck can every episode by a "very special 90210"??? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of special, meaning that it is out of the ordinary? If every episode is very special, then it's commonplace and it's not fucking special!!!

This goes on all the time. With everything from Victoria's Secret to American Karaoke. If you want these slogans to have some meaning try this:

90210: Kelly gets a train run on her at a house party on a pool table while frat boys take their turn with Brenda. On a Very Special 90210.

Now, wouldn't you watch that one? Hell, you'd TiVo it for posterity! That would be a very special 90210; just like that special 90210 I left in the bathroom at Jethro's Deli in Alabama after all you can pork sphincters and chicken innards (why hell, in Alabama there there is fine dining!)

Victoria's Secret: Come to Victoria's Secret at 11:38 AM on Thursday morning for our biggest sale ever.

Is it bigger than the last "biggest sale ever"? To compensate, Vicky's should insist that all sales people look like they should be in Hustler and they have to try on all items for customers. Biggest sale ever? I don't know about that one, but I'll sure have my biggest chub ever.

America Fuckstick: Watch this week for the Most Important American Idol ever!

I forgot, the welfare of the free world depends on whether the Wal-Mart crowd can punch their cell phones with their fat fingers enough times. I've got an idea to make it really important: the bottom two contestants each week get sodomized by Ron Jeremy on Pay-Per-View. They get a dick the size of a freakin' Pringles can up the wazoo.

Maybe I should become a reality show creator. Whadda ya think?


Lindsay said...

That picture is hilarious. You know, if all those college republicans who were advocating for the Iraq war actually signed up for the military themselves, we might have had enough boots on the ground to win this thing (or not). But no, it's more important for them to fight the "war of ideas" at home. effin wankers

Cincysundevil said...

Isn't that the way with the GOP always? Send those with the least wealth to fight for those with the most to gain, then demonize anyone who disagrees?