No relationship is a waste of time if you learn something from it. Even my time with ML as bad as it turned out was a learning experience. I've noticed some folks like NML or Elena Mary will list out what they want in a significant other or ground rules for dating. I think I will do the same because it's important to take stock of what you want and don't want. By putting it into words, it will help crystallize those concepts in my mind.
So, here are my rules for dating me or in the alternative, what I'm looking for:
1. Be compassionate. Yeah, I'm of those bleeding heart liberals and I believe in the basic capacity of all people. ML didn't see it this way; she considered most poor people lazy. In law school I was asked to name a lawyer that I admire. I said Atticus Finch from To Kill A Mockingbird. Why? In the book, he takes the case of a man who can't pay him with money. So Atticus lets him pay in ways that he can such as bringing firewood by the house or leaving bags of acorns on the backporch. Atticus let this man keep his dignity when so many other people in this world would've made him feel like less of a man sine he was unable to pay his debts with money. To me, this was truly compassionate. This same quality in someone I date is very attractive.
2. She can't be a self-centered, "it's all about me" person. When I start talking to about some things in my past that went pretty shitty, don't start in with the "that's nothing; I've had it worse" stories. She can't be a "one upper".
3. She has to be considerate. Nothing is worse than dating someone who gets into your car and turns off your stereo immediately. I'm not saying she has to like Jack Johnson or everything I like, but respect my likes and dislikes because I'll do the same.
4. She has to have a mind. I don't mean just simply that you have a college degree. What I mean is someone who can carry on intelligent conversations, debate, think rationally and objectively without letting her emotions rule the conversation.
5. A modicum of culture is a good thing. Nothing is worse than going to an art museum and noticing that your date is bored because she can't understand why people make a big deal about that Picasso guy or some dude named El Greco. Reading subtitles in a movie about some French chick named Amelie is not a hassle.
6. Must be ladylike when the situation calls for it. If you're out with the gang and she wants to let out a belch at the pub, that's fine. However, don't pass gas in bed with me while I'm still awake and talking to you (yes, this actually happened to me; I can overlook a lot, but when the sheets fly up like Marilyn Monroe's dress, something bad has happened).
7. She must be firm, but not bitchy. I like women who will stand their ground with me and not let a man run them over (it's very sexy). However, if she calls me at 4 in the morning and I refuse to drive 45 minutes to her place when I have to be up in 3 hours, don't pout. No one gets their way all the time; no one is right all the time; it's a fact of life, accept it.
8. Must be classy. Airbrushed, corn-chip like nails that render you unable to type or dial a phone without using a pencil are not classy. An airbrushed license plate is not classy. A picture where your image is superimposed on a wine glass or a rose is not classy. Just because you have the money to shop at Neiman-Marcus doesn't make you classy; you're just a hoodrat with more expensive clothes. Please don't wear a gold necklace with your name in some sort of script; I know your name or I wouldn't be dating you.
9. Fights or disagreements are not the occassion to say anything to hurt the other person. These should be times when you genuinely try to see the other person's point of view. It is not an excuse to start talking shit about my mother simply because its the best way to piss me off.
10. No right wing conservatives. If you think Bush is a great leader, just turn and walk the other way. Triple down economics failed miserably before, why would it work now? Tax cuts for the wealthy isn't economic stimulation; it's class warfare.
11. Must want kids. I totally can't wait to see an obnoxious 7 year old version of me running around the house chasing other kids with a roach taped to a shoe (see my last post).
12. Share equally. I'm willing to put up with Lifetime movies or reality TV shows as long as you're willing to put up with my Saturday Sun Devil football games. Don't tell me I'm an idiot when I start to yell back at the TV during political discussion programs. Likewise, I'm willing to go to dinner at that swank little eatery she's had her heart set on for a while now as long as she doesn't turn up her nose when I'm ready to hit that little hole in the wall, Texas style BBQ joint.
13. Be able to put up with my crazy friends and family. They're important to me. My sisters and mother will definitely want to size her up if she ever visits my family with me. They'll do this by taking her out for some shopping. Once they get to know and like someone I date, if i should ever fuck up, I'll get it not only from the girl I'm dating, I'll catch even more hell from my mother and my sisters. I've seen my mom tell my brother's ex g/f that she shouldn't take shit from any man, even if that man is her own son.
14. Be appreciative. It's funny because ML knew that someday I'll finally take the bar, start practicing, and make some righteous money. She would make comments like "I expect a huge ring when you propose". This made me never want to do anything for her because it was expected. On the other hand, if I grab a box of a girl's favorite candy or treat on my way over to watch some TV and she is really happy or grateful about it , I'll want to do even more. Yes, that would include Tiffany's someday for an appreciative person.
15. Must be artistic or be creative in some manner. I find artistic people super sexy. If she writes, paints, takes photos, or even decorates her apartment tastefully, she'll have me wrapped around her finger. One of the best gifts I ever received was a bulletin board that had all these great wood cutouts of my fraternity letters and symbols on it; it wasn't expensive at all but it took thought and that meant the world to me.
16. Accept my little obsessions. No, I'm not some nutcase who collects Star Trek figurines. But like all men, there are some things that reveal the big lovable kid that I am. I still think Jackass, the Simpsons, Chappelle's Show, and Family Guy are the funniest things in the world. I always go through the toy section in a department store. I love Guitar Center, plugging into one of the amps, and playing a few chords. Also, count on going to like 2 or 3 Dave Matthews shows a year.
17. Like to cook or at least be willing to accept my cooking. I'm a damn good cook and I seriously want to take some cooking classes sooner or later. So she must be willing to either accept my cooking (and like every man I love to grill out) or at least take some cooking classes with me.
18. Be clean and take care of yourself. I have a friend from work who is an odd sorta girl, but she could definitely be a cutie. The problem is that she is a slob; I mean a horrible slob. I once got drunk and had to crash at her place. Her apt. was so disgusting that I am now incapable of having a sexual thought about her (being male and I can't do this gives you an indication of how gross it was). Also, I want someone who is healthy and who can get me to go to the gym more often. I like to work out but when I get out of the groove, it's so hard to get back in. Someone who could kick me in the ass and get me going again is way cool.
19. Have a sense of humor. I joke around alot to lighten the mood. I am the butt of most of my jokes in fact, but I will never say anything intentionally to hurt someone's feelings. If she can make me laugh or she likes to laugh alot, we'll get along great.
20. Love animals. I love animals; I can't watch Animal Cops without getting pissed off that some asshole would have a pet and treat them so horribly. I love dogs and will have one (I can hear NML already snickering since she has already predicted that single men get dogs as a form of compensation for not having a g/f) as soon as I can, so be prepared.
21. Avoid situations where I (or most rational human beings) might get the wrong idea. I dated a girl who had all sorts of guy friends. This in of itself is not a problem, in fact I encourage it. However, I did have a problem with her crawling into bed with one of these "friends" wearing nothing but Victoria's Secret bra/panties that left nothing to the imagination and then telling me that this was nothing for me to be uncomfortable with. I'm not the jealous type, but I wasn't comfortable with this situation. I have female friends, but you can be sure that I'm not crawling into bed with them for a sleepover ... and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't hop in wearing nothing but see through boxers.
22. Have a life outside of me. It's important to have something other than me in her life. I may be fun to be around, but I'm not that fun.
23. Ambition and goals aren't optional. It's terrible to say this, but I want someone who understands what I've sacrificed to get to where I am and appreciates this. I want someone who can take care of themselves but who chooses to be part of my life. I did date a girl who after two dates asked me if I was going to be a man and take care of her, her kid, and pay her bills ...... not fucking cool and there was no 3rd date! The goals need not be financial, but having some ambition and an idea of where she wants to go is crucial.
Maybe these criteria are why I'm still single ... maybe I'm too picky? Any thoughts?