Male Bonding And Old Men

About the only redeeming quality of being sick is that I get to watch alot of movies in my time lying about on my couch. I watched a couple of movies, one of which was truly dull and horrible. I speak of the attrocity known as Ladder 49. This movie was about as trite as giving a single red rose to one of those contestants on those Bachelor/Bachelorette reality shows (I have always maintained that the woman should give the guys gifts they'd appreciate as the show progresses, i.e. for the first round, give the guys a six-pack of beer for the guys that make the cut; second round, Sony Playstations or X-Box; third round, Bar-B-Q grills, etc..). Anyhow, the movie is dull and so formulaic that it was almost unwatchable (I actually started thumbing through a book from law school while watching).

The main point here is that there are several scenes of male bonding which the movie only has partially right. This group of firefighters gets on stage at a wedding and sings "Fire" by the Ohio Players. There was no reason for them to do this in the movie other than for the writers to imply "Look ... look at how carefree and whimsical these guys are!!". I have never in all my life seen guys get on stage together to sing unless it is in someway involved in a sporting event (guys gettting together to sing "Rocky Top" for Tennessee Volunteer football ... yes; guys getting together to sing "Oh Canada" during the Winter Olympics hockey games ... yes; guys just randomly getting together to sing a song karaoke style ... NO). It's the same formula that happens in every Julia Roberts type movie where the mom and daughters sing some old Motown tune with hairbrushes or where the whole room erupts into a song .... yuck!! I think overall I'm just bothered by pointless singing in movies!!

What male bonding does involve is pranks or punking your boy in public. Pranks are great because they're just fun. I had one fraternity brother, BB, who was terrified of roaches, I mean literally would scream like a little girl if one was near him. So being the good fraternity brothers that we were, we waited until BB got into the shower at the fraternity house. He left his shower shoes outside the shower stall (why I don't know), so we found two huge roaches outside by the dumpster. We took some duct tape, doubled it up, stuck the tape to the shoe, and the roaches facing up. So BB finishes his shower, wraps a towel around his waist, and steps out, and puts one foot into his shower shoe .... crunch!!! He looks down and freaks the fuck out. BB steps out of the shower to see us laughing hysterically when one of the guys grabs the other shoe with the still living roach attached. So my fraternity brother starts backing out of the bathroom unhurling a stream of curses that would make a sailor blush. BB starts up the stairs and actually heads out of the house (because we cut him off at his room). We end up chasing BB for a block down the street wearing nothing but a towel while his glory was darting in and out from under the towel. Now, that my friends is male bonding.

Male bonding is also about punking out your friend. Cockblocking just for fun is the best example of this. I'd go out with my friends from the Army to bars or clubs. As soon I start talking to a girl, my friend RMc would walk over and say something like "Hey, did you tell her about your herpes yet?" (No, I don't have herpes). Of course the girl would recoil in horror and I couldn't be mad because I was laughing too hard on the inside (I'm laughing now just remembering that story because it was funny as hell). Male bonding is being in line at the supermarket with your friend buying beer and you say just loud enough for everyone around you to hear, "Dude, get your hand off my ass." Male bonding is making a comment about your friend's mother like "Dude, your mom is hot" or "Think your sister would do me?". It's a ton of joking around saying the inappropriate things that make you laugh. It's walking by your friend and giving him a quick backhand to the balls and then laughing your ass off.

Male bonding is also knowing when its time to not fuck around and just listen to your boy. Its that time when you tell your boy "let's go get a beer and bullshit about this". Actually Shaun Of The Dead did this rather well when Sean's g/f broke up with him and his best friend took him for a pint at the Winchester. While his friend was upset, he ended up making him laugh at the same time. They played music loudly all night and had a blast.

Why do I tell these stories? Because male bonding is about men. Young men become old men. What do old men like to do? They tell stories. These stories remind you of what you've been through and the shared experiences you've had with the guys. I'm on my way to becoming an old man some day and I love to tell stories already. I could do nothing but come up with a different funny story every day of some crazy adventures I've had. The stories endear those friends with whom we've shared those crazy times with and in that way, we're bonded to them forever.