Monday, June 06, 2005

Why I Might Want A Girlfriend

Our wee Irish lass, NML, has bestowed upon the world why she would want a boyfriend or a significant other for that matter. I've compiled a list of some of the advantages of having a girlfriend within the everyday life of the Devil .....

1. People are starting to eye me suspiciously when I'm talking to myself in the grocery store. At least with someone, I'd have an excuse.
2. Someone to share a pizza with so I quit making a pig out of myself. Nothing worse than eating cold Dominos the next morning. I know ... no one likes Dominos and neither do I.
3. The guys are Blockbuster know me all too well. They're always like "Hey, that weird foreign movie where the girl walks around half naked for the entire film is in. That one and oh yeah, someone finally returned Spongebob." Plus, it gives me an excuse to watch sappy movies.
4. I cook way too much for one person; I end up with leftovers for days. Re-re-heated chili is only good once.
5. It's too much work to make up a bed everyday if you're the only person sleeping in it. OK, so I don't make it every morning. Having a g/f will give me an excuse.
6. I've already been trained to put the toilet seat down.
7. When I'm yelling at the TV or radio, having a g/f will make me look less like that crazy guy talking to himself, babbling on and on about conspiracies in the news ... oh wait, that's Tom DeLay.
8. I would like a date for special occassions now and then. I have to go to my friend Edel's wedding next summer in Ireland and it's kinda lame showing up with your brother. Plus, if I get smashed, I can't very well try to put my hand up my brother's skirt can I?
9. Companionship would be nice. No ... going to the pub with the guys and ending up talking to Ethel who is chain smoking Pall Malls doesn't count.
10. It would be nice to have someone who thinks I'm cool besides my nephews. Sooner or later, they may figure me out!! Egads!!
11. It may be time to quit "accidentally" coming across porn on the internet .. "Seriously, I didn't think clicking on the pop-up that read "Hot Sleazy 18 Year Olds" would give me porn. I thought it was an ad for aged Scotch."
12. Having an intelligent conversation would be nice. If I ever get into another argument with someone who's only defense to any political question is "What, do you hate America/God?", I may have to go postal.
13. It's nice to have someone to do thoughtful things for and to have thoughtful things done for me. Remembering that I love Sweettarts while a g/f is at the grocery store is the greatest thing in the world. And I'll always remember how much she loves the "dutch oven" .....
14. A miniature copy of me with some traits would be great. Imagine, a mini-devil running around spouting obscenities at the right wing ... sniff, brings a tear to my eye.

There are a ton of good reasons for me to have a g/f. Hey, I'm great b/f material, trust me!! I'm only giving a few of the ones I could think of in one sitting.


The future Mrs. Devil offering jello-shots for the kiddies out there....
Yeah, I know ... she/it is a hottie

5 comments:

Elenamary said...

i am all about jello shots.

you are in the middle of nowhere ohio. good girls aren't there...i know this because i am not there.

Ruben said...

Reason 6 will be very helpful in the hunt for a girlfriend. Women hate it when you leave the toilet seat up.

Cincysundevil said...

Elena-
Jello shots are great! Yeah, this is the middle of nowhere Ohio. If I ever get to party in Columbus, I'll give you a call!
Ruben-
That was thanks to years of training with my mom and 2 sisters.

NML said...

#8,11, and 14 were my favourites! I worry about your bro wearing a skirt though........
Cincy, I have no doubt that you will find a lovely lady soon. You're such a sweetie and as long as you don't go for someone like your ex, I think your future is looking bright!

Cincysundevil said...

NML-
Thank ya darlin'!!