Saturday, May 14, 2005

Lazy Customers, Bowling, and Bad Food

So Friday night, I was excited to head over to do my part bowling for a good cause. So how did the Devil bowl? Did he break the elusive 100? Is he going to be in one of those terrible ESPN bowling programs during the summer when sports news is slow? Not quite, see what had happened was ....

With my new shift, I figured I would be done about 7:30 or 7:40 at the latest. This would give me over an hour to get home, get changed, throw a burger down my throat and hit the bowling alley. Sounds like a good plan right? Wrong. See, I work in a customer support job and we have these certain accounts that if need be, we'll wipe their ass for them. So, I get this lazy fuck on Friday night a little before 7 who calls in. The gist of my job is that you call in for some legal research help, I help point you to some relevant code sections or cases, and then you at least get an idea of what to do from there. My job is not to be a free clerk for some lazy fuck on the other end. So I get this lazy fuck on Friday night, 7 P.M.. Here's how it goes. He gives some very scant information and I start my search. I keep asking his questions about what he is looking for to clarify things. I say things like "Is this the sort of thing we're looking for?" to which he replies, "I dunno .... maybe." So I spend 40 minutes with this lazy sack of shit who won't help me find stuff for him. So I offer to call him back because everything I am seeing is saying the opposite of what he wants. I work for another 20 minutes on my own and find 2 laws that explain the process for what he wants to do.

So I call him back with what I've found only to have him say "No, that isn't quite what I'm looking for ... see, what I need is this ... ". He actually changes what he wants. So when I ask "O.K., so we need things that say "X" instead of "Y", right?" He again replies, "I dunno ... maybe." So I spend another 40 minutes with this brain dead fuck reading him anything and everything I can possibly come across. I put my phone on mute and I am swearing like a sailor because this guy won't work at all with me to help him. I felt like Jerry Fucking Maguire begging him "Help me help you." Nothing. This guy is making 6 figures a year and is sitting there dumb as a fucking doorknob not giving me any information other than "maybe". So after 40 minutes of reading everything I have come across, telling him that the things I am coming across are the exact opposite of what he wants, or that the 2 laws I spoke of earlier appear in every fucking thing I have come across, he finally just decides to keep searching on his own!!!! I will probably get fired because someone probably heard me swearing like a sailor and will turn me in. I have NEVER in my life came so close to quitting or telling someone off. Part of my problem is that I take way too much pride in my work and I am tenacious about getting the right information. I just wouldn't quit because he wouldn't say anything. So later this week, you'll probably read a post from the Devil saying that I got my ass canned.

Find the Devil
So, I don't leave work for a full hour after I was supposed to get off of shift. I get to the bowling alley and walk through to find my team of bowlers. Guess what? Like the dumbfuck I am, I got the wrong bowling alley. I run back to work, download the flyer only to discover that the bowling alley is a good 30 minutes from work. I don't have anyone on my team's phone numbers. I've got one friend, SD, meeting me at the wrong bowling alley, we meet up and head to the other bowling alley. Long story short, I don't get to bowl.

Now mind you, I haven't eaten to this point since lunch. So I start drinking pitchers of beer. After 2 hours of watching others bowl, SD and I decide to hit another bar which JHD and some others agreed they would meet us at once they've finished. SD and I go and end up having a decent time at the other bar and decide we'll definitely head back. The others did not show and I'll be curious to hear why since the bar we went to was their recommendation.
Now, it's 2 AM and I need food bad!! So the only thing near my apartment open is Taco Hell. I go through the drive thru and pick up a 1/2 lb. combo burrito, nachos supreme, and a mexi-melt. I get home and start eating only to realize that I shouldn't have been driving in the first place. I scarf my food and start to doze off on the couch. Bad idea. I haven't drank enough water to rehydrate my buzzing ass, so naturally things begin to fell a bit queasy. I get up, down a quart of Gatorade and a quart of water along with 3 ibuprofen. The only problem is that the Taco Hell isn't settling all that well either. So I end up, passed out on my couch reclining against the arm rest for the evening (or what's left of it). The Devil had a good night in all even though he'll probably get his ass canned!!!


MoDigli said...

"I felt like Jerry Fucking Maguire begging him 'Help me help you'."

That line CRACKED ME UP! Seriously. I cackled out loud.

Here's what I used to do when I was a customer service rep at (anonymous) car insurance company, but you gatta save this for extreme cases like yours. Using the technique too much is too obvious.

First you just keep being your chipper self. Very happy to keep doing whatever rediculous request the asshole on the line is asking. Then, after a bit (or whenever you reach your breaking point), put the sucker on hold. While on hold, ... ooops! drop the call. (How did THAT happen?)

When they call back, the odds of getting me again were the same as winning the powerball.

THen again, it seem he did have your direct #.

Cincysundevil said...

LOL .. Oh, I think I know the insurance company because I believe I have my insurance through them still.

It would be great to do that, but we're told (and I don't know how true it is) that they can track that sort of thing because everything is controlled by computer. Even answering and hanging up phone calls. BUT a great suggestion nonetheless!

Ruben said...

I really enjoyed your blog. You didn't pull any puches. I look forward to tomorrow's post.