My fave comedian, Dave Attell, was on Conan the other night. Conan is great and of course, if you need a Triumph fix, just go here. To give you a taste of Dave Attell's comedy, I've tried to give you a bit of what he said ....
"Stoners, quit making your dog live the stoner lifestyle. They put a bandana and sunglasses on him and they're like "Look, he's stoned." No, he's not stoned. He's embarrassed to be seen with you. I'm an alcoholic. I dont make my dog live the alcoholic lifestyle. I don't make him pick up fat dogs because he's drunk and doesn't know any better."
"I hate when potheads offer me pot. It's like this big overblown deal. They like .. "Psst, want some weed?" Its pot; it's not even that illegal. If you're gonna make a big deal about something, make it really illegal. "Psst ... wanna eat a bald eagle?"
"We were popeless there for a about a week, people. It was like Catholic spring break. I was having sex ... with a condom. I was teaching evolution .... to my husband."
On being a comedian: "Well, if you want to spend your life going from airport to club to strip club to ATM back to strip club and then masturbating in a hotel room, then this is the career for you."
"I used to be on drugs, but that was way back .... over there."
On going to Pamplona for the running of the bulls: "So the bulls got the guy pinned down and rips his pants off .. just with his horns!! Not with ... cocaine or ... promises of acting work. Just the horns God gave him."
"Summer isn't fat man weather. You ever seen a fat guy at the bus stop in the summer? He always looks like he's trying to remember something .... (sighs) ... "Oh yeah, I'm fat."
If Dave Attell ever hits your town, GO SEE HIM. You will laugh your ass off, I guarantee it.