Monday, December 18, 2006

"Tis The Season For Shitty Movies

Well folks .. it's been a while. But let me just say that things are back on track. As embarrassing as this is, when I first moved down this way, I let ML use my computer. I figured that I was living with family and that since she was in school, she'd make better use of it. Since we're no longer on speaking terms, I figured the thing was shot and it didn't make any sense to get it back (besides, it was a Compaq ... that's all that needs to be said with that). But I just scored a new laptop so now I plan on getting back on track ......

Now for the rants!!

What the fuck is going on these days with shitty movie after shitty movie being released? It's as if Hollywood figures that everyone will be sick of hearing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by that crazy chick from "Glitter", so they'll put out all of the shitty movies they've shelved for the past few months.

Like this piece of shit in the pic. It's amazing that this was even made; it went directly to DVD. This movie will rank right up there with any Lorenzo Lamas production.

Who in the name of all that is holy is going to rent this or better yet, buy this? It's the same guy who actually paid to see The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift on opening night.

The first two of the American Pie movies were decent ... but now it's just fucking stupid. One of the clips that I've bombarded with this week has this line that is sure to elicit thunderous laughter has Eugene Levy saying in his most incredulous tone "You're a Stifler and a virgin?" I threw up a little in my mouth as I was typing this ..... But seriously, we all know that extremely hot sorority girls couldn't wait to get naked in front of pale, skinny guys with all the sex appeal of Crispin Glover so they could streak across campus.

As if this wasn't bad enough .... we also get "Rocky Balboa". Who in the fuck thought this was a good idea? Who was stupid enough to say "You know ... audiences at Christmas just might pony up $10 to see a 60 year old man get his ass kicked in a movie. Let me pony up millions of dollars on this one."And it only gets worse from here on out. No doubt Vin Diesel or Jennifer Lopez will have a movie out in the next few months .......

I've got a great idea for a movie: why don't we watch a guy eat six apples and shit out a fruit salad. Oh wait .... apparently that show idea was taken already and packaged as "American Idol".


Lindsay said...

You are finally back!

I saw the commercial for American Pie whatever a few nights ago and was like...WTF

It was soon followed by a commercial for Rocky Balboa...WTF, isnt Stallone, like, 80? What effin idiot is sitting in hollywood greenlighting this shit? And he's probably getting paid A LOT, too...ugh

Chelle said...

You are alive!!

Thanks for letting me know that I am not going to see any Christmas movies. Does Deja Vu count?

I think whoever thought Rocky 60 was a good idea was probably the same guy, or related to said guy, who thought OJ should have a book deal.

sonrisa morena said...

"shit out a fruit salad. Oh wait .... apparently that show idea was taken already and packaged as "American Idol"...i had forgotten how funny you are!!!!

nice to finally have you back :-)

Cincysundevil said...

Yes, I'm back. Someone paid Sly to do this movie, can you believe it??

Cincysundevil said...

I'm barely alive ... lol. I wish I could've caught up with you when you were done here; I'll make it up to you when you visit next time.

Cincysundevil said...

It's nice to be back!