Friday, December 22, 2006

Johnny Knoxville Is The Anti-Christ

You know, with the holidays finally here, you would think that the holiday spirit is in full effect. You might think that people will relax and just focus on their families and worry about what is really important in life. You'd think that and so would I .... but we'd be wrong.

Apparently because a movie, which according to most reviews is actually really dull, didn't become the biggest movie of the year, some have determined that Hollywood is work of the Devil.

As absurd as it sounds, the Christian Film & Television Commission chairman declared that because The Nativity Story failed to rack up nearly every dollar spent at the movies in the past few weeks, it represented " a serious setback for people of faith who were hoping that Hollywood would produce more films for them". He further noted that Hollywood generally makes "extremely bigoted, anti-Christian movies" since they make big money and he cited Borat and my beloved Jackass. According to this crackhead chairman, it is the studio's fault for not marketing the movie to every church in the world.

Now, I understand that some people aren't the sharpest tools in the shed. I know that some people are about as useful as a two-story outhouse. But this is the most absurd explanation I think I have ever heard for a movie's shortcomings. So somehow, it is the studio's fault that they didn't market a movie called The Nativity Story to churches? It's has the fucking word NATIVITY in the title. What else could this fucking movie be about? Does some couple from Piglick, Arkansas see commercials for this movie and think it's a coming of age sex romp story a la Porkys?

Plus, why call out Jackass and Borat? Sure Borat has the most uncomfortable masturbation scene in movie history and Johnny Knoxville's infamous drivers license photo is of him dressed as a Catholic priest. But how are these movies anti-Christian? Is it simply because these movies aren't stuffed with that crappy music that makes old people with too much makeup and big hair close their eyes and raise their hands to a generic beat? Is it because they don't follow a story from the Bible word for word?

Personally I think it is a sign of the new divisive politics of the right-wing. You see, religion is like patriotism. All it takes is for someone in a position of authority to wrap themselves up in either God or the American flag to declare "Either you follow my point of view or you're against God and/or you're unAmerican". If you can't create the "us vs. them" mentality, you could lose control of your flock. They might actually begin to think for themselves ... and you can't have that if you're leading sheep or they might become rams.

No comments: