I Ruined My Parents!!!

Once you get older, you may come to a strange realization that I recently had. See, I was given 6 months of free HBO due to the fact that Comcast is a joke of a cable service since they can't connect cable during the 6 hour range that they promise. So on HBO this month is Walk The Line.

All of sudden I realized how really kick-ass Johnny Cash is. I really had no idea that he rocked that much!! I remember all too well how much my folks liked him. Strangely, this is not the first time that this has happened.

You see, this happened with the movie Ray. My parents dug this guy too. And this other crazy old guy named Willie Nelson .... and this other cat named Waylon Jennings ..... and Sam & Dave ... and John Lee Hooker.

Sinbad mentioned this phenomenon: Your parents used to be cool 'til they had you. The sad thing is that it's true!! Hell, my folks had an SUV long before legions of useless soccer moms lined up at the Ford dealership so they had buy more useless shit at Sharper Image at the expense of plunging our nation into war. Don't worry; my folks actually made use of the SUV: we would go on family camping trips; the dirt roads leading to one of the family's ranches are not paved and rough as hell.

This old '76 Chevy Blazer had an 8-track that my folks would torture us with playing all of the aforementioned ad nauseam. Now, of course, everyone digs Cash and Willie and Ray and Sam & Dave. I can't help but remember how much I hated that music growing up. When I bought my first walkman, I listened to that thing for hours on car trips ... anything to avoid those 8-tracks. Now, if I hear Sam & Dave's "Soothe Me", I stop everything and become instantly mesmerized.

But just think: someday you'll have kids and you'll be as uncool as your parents are now. I guess that is the curse of having children. Someday you'll be watering your lawn wearing sandals and black dress socks ... heh-heh.

I'm A Lazy Ass Who Takes Forever To Finish Meme's

Jen tagged me with this one and I've been a lazy lout and never finished it. I'm as slow as George Bush is smart. So here are my answers .... Book Meme

1. One book that changed your life: The Cathcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I know, I know .... it's so cliche. But I challenge you to find a book that sums up a cynical teen's view of the world much better. I remember reading this and it was as if I had an epiphany.

2. One book that you've read more than once: To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Such an obvious choice, isn't it? For some crazy reason, I keep coming back to this book in my life. In law school during my ethics class, our prof asked us to name an attorney, real or fictional, that we admired and why. I chose Atticus Finch for how he treated the Cunningham family (remember the family that couldn't pay him money, so they would leave chopped wood, roasted chestnuts, and food on the back porch?). I always found it so powerful that despite a client's inability to pay, he let the man keep his dignity by paying back in any way he could.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island: A complete collection of Pablo Neruda's poetry so I could sit and really absorb it.

4. One book that made you laugh: Lies by Al Franken. Amazing that a book chocked full of facts and figures can still make you laugh. But then again, he was a skit writer for SNL.

5. One book that made you cry: La Maravilla by Alfredo Vea. I had to read this while at Arizona State in my Chicano Lit class. Part of the story is about an old couple that reminded me of my grandparents. Naturally, one of them dies and you are reduced to tears everytime this cantankerous old lady recalls her husband.

6. One book you wish had been written: Love In The Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I really consider this one of the most perfect books ever written. But if you know me personally, you'll know I should have written Everyone Poops.

7. One book you wish had never been written: Anything by that raving cunt Anne Coulter. It's one thing to completely come up with bullshit that you claim is based on facts (just like that cocksucker Bill O'Reilly), but at least try to prove it with some actual facts. Al Franken has called her out on this so many times, it's like calling false start on a retarded kid during a flag football game!!

8. One book you're currently reading: Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich. I know I'm behind the power curve on this one, but I am finally getting to it.

9. One book you've been meaning to read: I've started Don Quixote at least 2 or 3 times and have never finished it. It's a bit intimidating seeing how thick the book is and you can read for a few hours and only read a fraction of it!!!

10. Six people to tag: Let's see, we definitely need Lindsay, Chelle, Joel, JHD, Sonrisa, and Andi. These kids are great with the books. And if any of you other kids want to do this meme ... please by all means.

Fade Away Or Become A Haven For Ashlee Simpson?

Actually this post idea came from Chelle (a.k.a. Mariemm), but I wanted to expound on it a bit longer.

CBGB's shut its doors this weekend closing out what was basically the Holy Land for punks.

So is it better to fade away hanging onto the vestiges of what you once were or morph into some trendy temporary thing devoid of any true soul?

I'm glad CBGB's took the fading away route. The landlord decided not to renew their lease, so it really wasn't a choice. BUT it's the principle I'm referring to here.

See, the club had enough street cred that it could've lent some of that to some really ass-clown performers looking to get some credibility. I'm sure someone like Ashlee Simpson would've loved to perform there so that she might be able to wear the shirt in the pic without Sid Vicious rolling over in his grave or having Joe Escalante use a 3-syllable word that would send her bird brain into complete convulsions. I'm quite certain some dude from some fucking teen-angst drama like The O.C. with his faux-hawk would try to put on a show trying to show just how "punk" he really is.

Instead of going that dead end route, they chose to put real punk bands out there. While I'm nowhere near being a real punk, I do love punk music and what it represents. Sure I love Blink 182, Alkaline Trio, and Green Day; but I also love The Ramones, Generation X, and of course, the Sex Pistols.

See the difference between these bands and the likes of some piece of shit from Malibu is that being a true punk is about more than wearing a fucking sparkly t-shirt that says "punk". It's more than a faux-hawk. It's more than a nose-piercing. It's about completely spitting on the establishment, not just a fashion trend. So if you ever see some kid wearing a shirt with the word "punk" scrawled across the front shopping in a Macy's at a suburban mall, you have my permission to rip the shirt off, march the kid to Sam Goody, and have him listen to "Never Mind The Bollocks".

Another Shitty Season

(Sigh) ... Once again, I have waited all year long for college football to start only to be disappointed by my alma mater's team.

Yes, once again my beloved Sun Devils have broken my heart. The ineptitude that embodies the head coach only adds to my heartbreak.

It's pathetic really to wait so long with anticipation only to have your season over a few weeks into the season.

But this has been the situation all too often with the ass-clown known as Dirk Koetter. This guy gets nearly $900K a year to produce sub-par football teams with all of the resources known to the college football world. Even Jake the Snake, complete with his new porn-stache, threw some dinero at the program to improve it's weight room.

So there it is .... I'm a 36 year old man who pathetically spends the entire year looking forward to college football season only to have his hopes dashed yet again. I truly am the defintion of schizophrenic: I keep doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.

What the school doesn't realize is that, as pathetic as it might sound, college sports rankings do have an effect on how well the school is ranked in US News. While I was in law school at Cincinnati, we slipped a few spots in the rankings. Apparently had our basketball team finished better in the NCAA tourney, we would have received more applications from more students which leads to a school being more selective. If you're a school that only has 100 applicants for 90 seats, you're not that selective. If you have 150 seats and you receive 2200 applications, you're very selective. The more applications you receive, the more academically inclined your student body will be.

Look at this pic of the stadium at half-time vs. Oregon last week. WTF??? It's 3/4 empty!!! Mind you, this isn't a pre-game ceremony or a post-game cermony. This is fucking half-time!!! This is not going to help rankings of any kind!!!

So my only hope is that the idiot will be fired at the end of the season. I've been calling for this since the talentless ass-nugget was hired 6 years ago, so I can say I've hated this guy from the start. So I'm hoping for this and I'm quite sure that once again, ASU will let me down by letting this moron coach another season.

This Is One For Deeesguy

Ever since the lovely NML decided to post her pic on the web, I've been torn. Not having my pic up leaves that sense of mystery. Anonymity also gives one the chance to rant and rave about work and friends.


However, things have been decent lately and I enjoy my job. I'm making friends here and there and I'm moving into my own place in ATL. And I did promise to show my ugly mug sooner or later. So be kind and try to keep the bile from rising in the back of your throats when you view the monstrosity that is my face. Without further delay, I give you the elephant man .... errr, Cincysundevil .... well, me that is.

While I do love the Irish, my maroon ASU cap is what I'm normally wearing. So I have to post one of both up here.

Carl from ATHF a.k.a. Cincysundevil

I've determined that I will probably be alone the rest of my life and die one of those horrible deaths you read about on the back page of your local paper or in News of the Weird where I kick the bucket and my pet ferrett has to eat my carcass to survive until someone at work notices that the tubby Latin guy hasn't been in for about a week.

Why yes, I do have a penchant for the dramatic.

See this handsome fella to the left here. Yeah ... him. See, that is what my future revealed looks like. This all came to me this past week when I was driving in to work. It had rained like hell the night before and the roads were a little damp. I'm hauling ass like in the left lane LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD WHO DRIVES IN THE LEFT LANE ... ahem. Anyways, I'm driving in when the jack-fuck in front of me decides he needs to slow down ... very quickly. I hit my brakes and my car starts to hydroplane. In an instant, my life flashed in front of my eyes. Know what I saw? A gray patch ... literally a gray plane with nothing significant happening. It was this big void of nothingness and just sheer panic.

I didn't hit the car and I have to admit that I was crushed that my life didn't flash before my eyes with a host of milestones. As I started driving again and pulling my boxers out from the inside of my ass (thus giving a nearly literal translation to the term skid mark), I realized that currently the things I look forward to are quite pathetic.

Is the fact that the cafeteria at work is serving tacos on Thursday really something to look forward to? Should I really be crossing my legs in anticipation and bouncing like a little school kid waiting for the new Jackass movie to be released? Just how much excitement should building your Friday evening around a trip to Barnes & Noble really garner? It was as if Dean Wormer were speaking to my life when he said "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son".

So I've decided to embrace my inevitable fate as a single curmudgeon by looking forward to those things that will make me so. For instance, I have decided that I will now give myself permission to wear black dress socks with sandals since there will be no wife yelling at me to not do so. I will buy the top-of-the-line garden hose to spray on small children and dogs daring to cross my lawn. I will refuse to update my wardrobe more than once every 5 years since I will have no one to impress. I get to let my ear hair grow wildly a la Yoda. I resolve to keep all stray baseballs, frisbees, and footballs that accidentally get tossed into my back yard.

Yes my friends ... while I may end up like my friend Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with my Coors Light cut-out of Pam Anderson being the only thing resembling the female form to grace my bed, I will have a damn good time becoming the curmudgeon I am inevitably fated to be.

Now you damn kids get off of my blog!!!!

Adios Mate

I know you're going to think I'm full of shit for this post. But I'm dead serious. I'm really bummed about this. The Crocodile Hunter is dead. Steve Irwin was killed doing what he loved best in this world and that is certainly the way to go. Truly, not many of us in this world can ever say that we are doing what we truly love and better yet, died while doing it.

I'll admit, the Crocodile Hunter was always a guilty pleasure of mine. I always was amazed watching this cat grabbing a rattlesnake by the tail and expounding on the virtues of how gorgeous this animal is whilst dodging certain death from a bite. I loved watching this guy jump over a fence as a croc chased him. I loved watching this guy travel to remote corners of the globe grabbing every sort of animal with the same glee that I had as a small boy picking up lizard or horned toads (or as we called them, horny toads). It was exciting to see someone who had found his calling and was truly enthused about it. Enthusiasm is infectious, as is a negative attitude. Mr. Irwin had enough enthusiasm for us all.

I'm a huge softie (which I'm sure some of you have figured out by now) and I really have a soft spot for animals (excepts for a rat which invaded the Marmot house I shared with Deeesguy down in the 'Nati). Irwin went to zoos and helped gather money to rehouse some animals in need of larger facilities. Hell, we can't even get Americans to shell out money for a homeless shelter much less for animals. Yet this guy would hit 3rd world nations to help care for animals and solicit money for their upkeep.

What Steve will truly be remembered for is the effect he'll have on the environment for decades to come. Kids of all sorts watched his show and he always made his commentary on the need to save our environment. I know this will have a positive influence on so many of those kids (except for those whose parents might actually believe the "intelligent design" is different from creationism and that global warming hasn't been proved yet). I'm only hoping that these kids who tuned in to watch him dodge crocs will not give in to corporate interests (enrich the shareholders or save the planet? Easy call if you ask me ... fuck the shareholders!) and do what it takes to save our planet where my generation has so miserably failed.

It's Official ... I'm Out of Compassion

Yes true believers, it's finally happened. The bed wetting liberal has finally reached his limit of compassion. It's a sad state of affairs and to an extent I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. But I think I have just hit that brick wall that sociologists has termed compassion fatigue.

It really hit me yesterday morning. I spent the weekend with another damn cold and I had to take Monday off so that I fulfill my lifelong dream of filling Kleenex with snot. So Tuesday I'm on my way to work and as per the standard in the South, it's as hot and sticky as Paris Hilton's thong after a night out. I was in the last throes of a nasty cold which always seems to hit me when the weather is at its worst and the air in the ATL is as thick as pea soup. Breathing is pretty much a chore on these days. And to top it off, I have to walk about 7 blocks from the parking lot to work which leaves me sweating like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

On my way in, a homeless guy starts to bug me for change. I'm already feeling like shit and the hour and a half ride to get downtown is already just too much. So I tell him I'm sorry that I don't have any and start to walk away. Then he asks me if I'm sure that I don't have any change. Once again, I reiterate that I don't have any. Herein lies the rub.

The problem is that this isn't a once a month or even once a week occurrence. Nope. This is getting to be a twice daily assualt as I walk from to and from work. I consider myself compassionate, but if I gave change everytime I was asked, I'd seriously be broke.

I hate to think I'm not compassionate which would make me feel guilty as all get up. Hell, I'm Catholic; I've got nothing but guilt. Everytime I throw away a bite of food I remember all too well the Catholic school nuns telling us that whenever we "wasted" food, the angels in heaven cried. So now everytime I don't polish off that last bite of an ill-gotten Big Mac, the choir of angels are bawling and I'm to blame.

BUT how much is enough already? I know I'm only human but I've actually gotten to the point to where if I have money in my wallet that I really need but don't give to that guy sitting on the front steps of the church smelling like 3 days of urine that has dried in the sun, I actually feel bad. AM I crazy or just Catholic?

P.S. The pic is one I've taken with my new digital camera. Actually, this lady is always nice and never bugs anyone. She always says hi and wishes you well when you walk by.

How The Anti-Christ Stole My Morning Walk

Note: As per usual, Blogger is having problems loading pics or just having problems so the pic I had for this is not uploading .... just go here for a pic of what I was going to load up.

This morning I got to work way early. For whatever reason, there must be some sort of virus that infected all of the useless housewives whose only purpose in life is to breed spoiled rotten crumb snatchers and to clog the main traffic arteries in this city. There was absolutely no traffic today. Normally, I spend at least an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic. Today? I was in the parking lot in 45 minutes. It was incredible; it was as if all the braindead fucks stayed home to watch more Jonbenet Ramsey news coverage.

Since I had a good 1/2 hour before I had to clock in, I decided to walk over to Obesity Central (that being McDonalds) and get a drink. In downtown ATL, this will mean a McD's where a homeless guy who smells like cat urine is screaming obsenities at a streetlamp. Undetered, I turned on my Gigabeat, set it to shuffle, and proceeded on my merry way.

On my way there, I passed one of the federal buildings. As I approach the building, Guster's "Manifest Destiny" is working its magic and setting my mind alight. The closer I get, I hear these lyrics:

You and I could quit this scene
Build a town and then secede
Like an Adam and an Eve
'Cause to the dreamers go the dreams
But the leaders have the lead
It's a frightening, frightening thing

Born to the land of opportunity
Of manifest destiny
Do you want to change your mind?
You can always change your mind

Outside the building, there is a line of people wearing their best outfits. I thought this strange until I realized that this was where immigration hearings were held. However, this was also the place where immigrants had their citizenship ceremony. It was one of those perfect moments. It's where the music is so perfect and so right for the moment. Throngs of people ready to swear allegiance to this great nation are outside, passing through a doorway only to emerge later through that same doorway as an American citizen. My heart was swelling with pride and affection for my country because here it was opening its door for the poor, the tired, and the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. This was a perfect moment that I wanted to capture, so I go into my backpack to pull out my digital camera (yes ... I finally got one and yes, I will post of a pic of my ugly mug once I can get a pic in which I don't look like the Michelin Man). And then George W. Bush's "safer world" ruined my perfect moment .........

One of the rent-a-cop security guards starts talking but I've got my headphones on. She starts motioning and yelling for me to stop taking a picture outside. There is not one sign in the area that states "No Photographs" and I'm on a public street on the sidewalk. This $6.50 an hour rent-a-sitting-on-her-ass-doing-nothing who has spent more time working on her corn-chip nails in one sitting than she has ever spent reading the manual that the "Rent-A-Cops On A Budget" has provided her. I yell back:

"You're a fucking rent-a-cop. You have no idea about the Constitution or my civil rights as an American."

And with that, I turned around and walked away.

I start asking myself how did we come to this? How did we get to the point that taking pictures could be seen as a security risk? And I remembered a speech that the Anti-Christ gave a while back declaring that we are in a safer world because of the "War on Terror". What a bunch of bullshit!!

Oh really? Safer? I guess next time I go to Egypt, I won't have to worry about some fucking radical offshoot of Islam bombing a hotel or disco because the world is safer. I guess next time I go to the Phillippines I won't have to worry about being kidnapped by terrorists in the jungle because the world is safer. I guess next time I ride a train in Spain I won't have to worry about explosives being set off because the world is safer. I guess next time I take a double decker in London I won't have to worry about having my asshole blown off and onto the side of a financial district building because the Anti-Christ and his minions have made the world safer for us all. Gee, thanks FOX news for proliferating the message that the world is safe because your keeper in the sullied White House has now declared it so.

Random Thoughts From The Devil

If I had breasts as nice as ScarJo, I swear I'd never leave the house.

Salma Hayek is hot as is Kate Winslet. What makes them both super hot is that they wouldn't put up with male macho bullshit (of which at times I can have just a touch of .....)

Atlanta is way too humid for human habitability. As stupid as it sounds, Phoenix actually was way more tolerable.

In Georgia, you can actually get an Auburn University license plate .... which is strange considering that Auburn is in fucking Alabama!!! I'm waiting for Ohio to put out University of Michigan plates.

Everytime I think I've heard of a great new band, Deeesguy already has the CD or is past them and on to something new.

Does anyone besides porn bots still use chat rooms?

MTV has officially become the wealthy, spoiled, high-school aged fuckstick channel (as if I'm revealing anything new)

Rae Carruth's head has a weird ass shape.

I actually respect Chappelle for walking away. I've read that one of his skits actually pushed him over the edge and that he felt he was only perpetuating a stereotype, not lampooning it in an intelligent way.

Dharma & Greg is still the most painfully unfunny sitcom in history.

I fucking hate the New York Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, the Philadelphia Flyers, Brigham Young University, and the Los Angeles Lakers. I might even throw in Ohio State just to get Deeesguy's goat. I hate goats too ...

I'm A Child Of The 80's Who Pays Attention To The Lyrics In Songs

Now, I'm like many of you and I'm a child of the late 70's and 80's. The picture to the left should be an indication of that (how many of you really remember this shirt?). I always liked knowing the words to songs so that singing along (and yes, I sing poorly) was more fun. I've spent a road trip in college trying to learn all the words to REM's "It's the End of the World As We Know It" while driving to the location of my liver's beatdown. As I've gotten older, I'm especially intrigued by lyrical workmanship. I have always maintained that Robert Smith of the Cure is not a songwriter, rather, he is a poet. Therefore, trite and thin songwriting is a pet peeve of mine.

Monday night, I’m working out at Gold's gym and I'm watching the chachs go to town lifting obscene amounts of weight. They're flexing and strutting trying to woo the 22 year old ladies each of whom probably refers to herself as "a young professional" when in reality all she does is answer the phones at a dentist's office. In the midst of this testosterone and fake 'n' bake induced mating ritual, Gold's has this "video music" system going on in the background. I put the phrase in quotes to signal my obvious dismay as to what they're calling music. It's a mix of bad pop music a la Ashley Simpson and terrible Euro-trash so called techno. It reeks of cheesiness and poor taste. What amazed me even more was watching the chachs really start getting worked up to some of the music.

Now I know most of us listen to music for the rhythm and not for the lyrics. I'll grant you that. But if you start lip-syncing the lyrics, then you've crossed the line and now you're squarely in my realm. Here are these chachs listening to a band that should be playing Six Flags and they were getting into it. It was as if it inspired them; like the insipid and trite lyrics were speaking to them. Let me give you a sample of the pseudo mook rock I'm referring to:

When The world keeps trying to drag me down,

Gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.

I say, hey, Have A Nice Day-ay-ay.

Have A Nice Day-ay-ay

Wow. Those lyrics are inspiring … sorta like the inspiration you get when you see someone puke in public when you can taste the bile rising in the back of your throat. They lyrics are so … well … so bland, so common, so everyday. But these mooks at the gym were getting pumped up by this. It was as if Bon Jovi (whose initials, B.J., are what you should get if you actually buy one of their CD's) wrote this piece of shit in preparation for their secondary career of playing county fairs alongside Nickelback and Loverboy. It was as if the mooks were saying to each other "Yeah, that's right. If I'm having a shitty day, I'll just tell the world to have a nice day. Fuckin' a right!"

Now compare the lyrical larceny that is Bon Jovi with Mike Doughty's "Madeleine and Nine":

Slave to the inside light

My world is burning on eternally

For the fire I lack

This flame is feeling fine
Give my eyes just for your intentions

Risk my back to impress you now

I am so joyful that I have found you

Alls I need is to see you now

It's like watching the Gore - Bush debates where the Anti-Christ had that look on his face like a homecoming queen caught dropping ass at prom. The words are crafted so much more artfully and flow so much easier with great indie songwriters. It doesn't just extend to indie rock vs. mook/chach/county fair/mainstream rock. Nope, this phenomenom extends even to rap. Check out the monotone 50 Cent's "Wanksta":

Shorty she's so fine, I gotta make her mine
ass like that gotta be one of a kind
I crush 'em everytime

punch 'em with every line
I'm fucking with they mind

I make them press rewind

Hhhhmmm ..... quite sad and dull and trite if you ask me. It's as if he didn't even really try to spend more than an hour writing this song. I can see 50 writing these lyrics on a napkin in front of McD's while Eminem is ordering an Egg McMuffin. Now, let's get to a truly great rap artist, Common, with his tune "The Light":

It's important, we communicate

and tune the fate of this union, to the right pitch

I never call you my bitch or even my boo

There's so much in a name and so much more in you

Few understand the union of woman and man

And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it land

But that's fly by night for you and the sky I write

For in these cold Chi night's moon, you my light

Damn, how can poor 50 even begin to compete with that. It's like magnificent vs. monosyllabic. So next time you make a music choice, please don't go with what you'll hear on one of those fucking Clear Channel stations or anything with "power" in the nickname of the station. Hunt and peck a bit and try some lesser known artists and you'll be alot happier.

Truth in 6 cartoon panels

This cartoon perfectly sums up every supporter of the Anti-Christ or Conservative I know ....

The Republicans Eat Their Own Young!!!!!

The clown whore who delivered this nation into the hands of the most vile Anti-Christ was today officially kicked in the teeth by the Nazi Party, a.k.a. the GOP or the Republicans. The party of Pure Evil sent Katherine Harris a letter simply stating that she had about as much of a chance of winning the Congressional race in Florida as Toby Keith has of nailing Natalie Maines before a Dixie Chicks concert. With such long odds, they decided to withdraw their support from her campain.

We all remember Harris as that young upstart elections official who committed election fraud and all but reinstated Jim Crow laws in Florida to ensure the Dark Side would win the election. She was supposed to be the close minded answer to Hilary. Now, she's just that tramp with bad makeup.

Such is the way of politics but all this does is serve to remind me of the shit that the Bush crime family in the White House has perpetrated on this great nation. Clinton made like $36,000 from Whitewater; Cheney will reap untold millions, if not billions, from his stock from Haliburton. The right-wingers will tell you Cheney divested himself of any stock he had in Haliburton ... true, but he did not divest himself of stock options. Clinton got a knob-job in the Oval office and the fundamentalist "Christians" were calling for his head for being a "bad example" in the White House. The Anti-Christ blatantly manipulates intelligence to start a war where 1000's of young American GI's die and tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians will be murdered and not once have those jackoffs who bemoan the "sanctity of life" raised their voices in opposition to the war.

Gone are the reminders from the "liberal media" when W the Jackfuck and Dickhead Cheney professed that they knew where the WMOD were located. The "liberal media" hasn't so much as even sniffed at the Downing Street memo which spelled out that the Anti-Christ was going to manipulate intelligence to start the war. They've all but glossed over that. All that brain-dead conservatives hear from the FOX propaganda channel is that the public is not hearing enough about the good things the troops are doing. Now, as a former GI, I can tell you .... passing out stuffed animals and bags of candy to Iraqi kids may be a nice thing to do. But if an IED kills 40 people in a market in Baghdad, guess what the more important story is? No matter how good your intentions, you cannot force democracy at the end of a rifle. You don't win a war by winning the hearts and minds of the people. Apparently the Anti-Christ forgot that lesson since HE NEVER FUCKING WENT TO VIETNAM and has failed at everything he has ever done (look at the oil companies he started and the Texas Rangers before he sold the team ..... all of them complete and utter failures).

So Katherine Harris is getting her comeuppance and seeing what the Grand Old Party is really about ....... and it ain't good.

Graduating In 4 Years Is A Miracle At Gold's Gym

I love going to my gym. I really do. I have gotten past that point where you look for excuses not to go and I now feel completely guilty if I don't. I drink diet soft drinks exclusively. I actually watch what I eat now (I know Deeesguy is having a fit over his cup of coffee or is spitting out his Coca-Cola Classic since I swore I would NEVER become one of those Diet Coke drinkers ... does Coke Zero count??). Yes, I'm becoming a semi-regular healthy person. I say semi-healthy because I still slip a few times a week and hit Sonic for a Cherry Limeade … which is like manna from heaven.

So I go to my gym which happens to be named after a precious metal (as if that wasn't enough of a hint) about 4 to 5 times a week. I like to go in, do my workout unimpeded and get out. I'm usually in and out in about an hour and a half. Except for those days when these annoying types show up …

The Chach: The gym is full of these chach types. My wonderful friend, SR, in Dayton gave me this term and I fully intend to proliferate its use. Yes, the Chach. This guy shows up at the gym with hair done carefully … no, I'm serious. He's got enough gel in his hair to create a papier-mache Trojan horse. He's actually taken the time to do his hair and to lather himself with self tanner to go "work out". He's also got the standard armband tattoo of razor wire or some "tribal" design to go along with his oh so white Sketchers or super clean Nikes. He does all of his exercises in front of the mirrors so that he can be assured that you see him and he's strategically parked his A&F wearing ass in front of the dumbbells so you must "adore" his physique to pick up a 20 pounder. I did note that he's wearing an A&F tee and not an old college t-shirt because neither the University of Phoenix nor community colleges have alumni tees yet.

Soccer Mom and/or FOX news Dad: These two shouldn't be allowed to breed, but since ignorance and stupidity are still legal, I must deal with these two when they decide to load up the mini-van with their brood for a "work out" session. Normally, mom will spend 15 minutes on the elliptical and then wander aimlessly around the weight machines stopping to park her dimpled ass on a piece of machinery. FOX news Dad is the braindead fuck who is shaking his head in agreement with whatever Bill O'Reilly (a.k.a. one of Satan's minions) says whilst his useless spawn run around the gym. FOX news dad will go do some curls with far too much weight and sway his body back and forth to lift it which actually doesn't do him a bit of good … then we won't see his tired ass in there for another 3 weeks until the current season of American Douchebag is over.

The Personal Trainers: Now, am I bit jealous that I don't have a chiseled body like that? Sure I am. Would I love to have the cheesy 20-something year old secretaries (who, by the way call themselves "young professionals … lol … sorry, just being a snob and a dick at the same time), swoon all over me? What red-blooded guy wouldn't? But a conversation I overheard with one of the trainers with a new gym member affirmed my sense of self-snobbery. He was with a young girl with looks not unlike Olive Oil wearing a Princeton tee who had just signed up with the gym:

Trainer: So did you really go to Princeton?
Olive Oil: Yeah … I just graduated this year.
Trainer: Congratulations! You seem kinda young to finish college. How old are you?
Olive Oil: 22.
Trainer: You mean you finished college in four years? Boy, do I feel like a dumbass.

Welcome to my gym people!!!

In other news .....

I had to see what famous work of art I am!!

You Are Best Described By...

From the Lake, No. 1by Georgia O'Keeffe

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

I stole this from Trixie whom I dearly wish was still posting. She is truly a beautiful soul ... and a pretty damn cute Cannuck at that!!

Naturally, I'll expect for you tell me what piece of art you came up with ... so get to linking folks!!

Metal Detector Fairy Tales

Sit back kids and I'll tell you a fairy tale ... no, not the one about the pizza delivery guy and the horny co-ed who wanted some "Italian sausage". No, this one is about a magical kingdom and the king's palace. You see, there was a magical kingdom in a place down in the far South where it was as hot as balls everyday which made your underwear stick to your ass as you walked down the cobbled pathways. At the center of this unGodly humid place was the kingdom's palace where a ton of administrators carried out the kingdom's business. It was well understand that in order to go into the palace, one had to go to certain doors and walk through a magic door and place all belongings into a magic box. All the citizens of the kingdom gladly obliged and all was happy, right????

Wrong .... dead fucking wrong!!!

Let me tell you how it really is. Working in any government building in the post 9/11 era, you've come to expect that you simply have to deal with security. If you've ever visited Europe or ever left the United States, you know what I'm referring to. In other places, they have armed guards at government buildings waiting for you to fuck up so that he can pump enough lead into you to make you a hot commodity at a metal scrap yard. It's amazing how fucking spoiled and ignorant we as Americans have become. We're all convinced that we're so special that these sorts of things just don't apply to us.

Anyways, every day I have to go through this little ritual. I put my bookbag on the conveyor into the metal detector and you walk through the metal detector checkpoint. If you set it off, the security guard paws your nads while passing his phalic metal detector wand within 2 inches of all you hold holy. But I'd rather do this than let some stupid fuck who has some sort of vendetta against the world walk in with 200 pounds of dynamite waltz in.

Of course, working in downtown Atlanta, I have to deal with the unwashed masses that are as braindead as they are incompetent. Today I got behind Ms. Suckteeth. Ms. Suckteeth couldn't be bothered going through these few simple steps. She simply tried to bull her way around the line forming at the checkpoint. When security redirected her back to the end of the line, she lived up to her name and well ... sucked her teeth loudly with attitude. To top it off, this useless fucktwit got to the front of the line finally and didn't bother to put her flea market Louis Vitton knockoff purse onto the conveyor belt. Instead, she reaches into her purse, puts her cell phone into the little basket next to the walkthrough metal detector and then walks through. So this walking example of why tigers eat their young goes through the metal detector with her purse ...with metal rivets ... and about $10 worth of pawn shop jewelry .... and she can't figure out why the detector is beeping. So she proceeds to suck her teeth with attitude once again while friendly security guard runs the metal detector wand over her.

I go through this all morning with the unwashed masses. If I go into the bathroom, there is some homeless guy in there taking a whore bath in the sink. If I go the cafeteria, I always end up behind the guy way past retirement age who insists on scrounging through both pockets to find 3 pennies ...or he's just playing pocket pool. Such is life in the magic kingdom.

QUICK!! Before they change the site again!!!

+44 has actually put some music on their site again. Go here and it should start to load automatically. I need your feedback on this one kids!!!!!

Oy Vey ... Joey Lawrence You Missed Out

Who would've guessed that the annoying sidekick from one of my sister's fave shows would've grown up to be so smokin' hot??? I certainly wouldn't have. Hell, I thought she'd be one of those VH1 Where Are They Now? where she's working in a video store in El Segundo. Apparently Jenna Von Oy has grown up ... and grow up she did. That is apparent here and here and here and here and oh yeah, especially here.

It's like I always told my younger brother when he was in school: Be nice to those girls that everyone picks on or that everyone considers ugly. They're gonna be the ones that really stand out in the end.

That is definitely the case in point here. Looks like Joey Lawrence was too busy worrying about his pompador and doing TigerBeat magazine covers to notice this hottie developing right underneath his nose.

This leads me to wonder what ever happened to those girls that got teased in junior high and high school or hell ... even college. Did they ever develop into hotties? I imagine it's the same for guys. Everyone picks on a kid and then he grows up to be the next Brad Pitt or Ryan Reynolds. Do any of you know anyone who got picked on or overlooked only to have them develop into a knockout?

I Still Heart Kate and Rubbing Butts

Give me a looke, give me a face,
That makes simplicitie a grace;
Robes loosely flowing, haire as free:
Such sweet neglect more taketh me,
Then all th'adulteries of art.
They strike mine eyes, but not my heart.
- Ben Johnson

I think old Mr. Johnson hit on something with this. The AMEX ads that came out a bit ago with one of my true loves, Kate Winslet, reignited my full on crush for her. Not because of her movie roles. Not because she is a starlet. Not because she's rich or gorgeous. In fact, I think this ad does just the opposite. It shows her as a real person. It shows her as ... well, almost flawed.

Now, I don't mean to say that Kate isn't absolutely amazing. But look at this ad. We actually see Kate as a normal person and as a normal person we're all flawed. She's gnawing her finger like there is some sort of antedote in it. Her desk is cluttered, her hair is a bit disheveled. Hell, feet can be pretty gross but Kate has the bottom of her foot in the ad!!!

Ben is right. It's not perfection that makes someone necessarily attractive. Sometimes it's those little imperfections that make someone so much more attractive. I've found these traits so endearing in some of my past ex-g/fs. For example:


Girl A: She couldn't stand styrofoam. In so many other aspects of her life, she completely dominated the field and yet the sound or touch of styrofoam made her cringe like the German chancellor at the Anti-Christ's touch.

Girl B: She was nearly quite literally a rocket scientist, could never get a screen projector to work in her classroom which simply required the pressing of a button.

Girl C: She would almost always insist I massage her butt a bit before she fell asleep. It wasn't a sexual thing (although I would try and fail miserably far too many times), but for whatever reason it relaxed her enough to fall asleep.

This didn't make them weird or stupid, it was endearing. It made someone more human, more vulnerable, more attainable. Maybe it was my fragile male ego that made me feel good that someone I found so amazing wasn't as perfect as I imagined.

I think that is the point of how many people get together. Somehow, we can look past someone's own perceived flaws or deficiencies and instead find an endearing quality in them. Whether that be someone's physical traits or a character quirk, imperfection is endearing.

Give The Kids What They Want ....

So this guy used to have a blog ... sometimes it was funny ... sometimes it wasn't. Well ... actually, most of the time it wasn't funny. BUT it was something to read ... sorta like the Reader's Digest you find at your grandmother's house next to her Gold Bond medicated lotion or next to the four-year old Golf magazines you come across at your doctor's office. It was something to read.

Then this jackoff just falls off the face of the earth. Completely gone. Gone like the Anti-Christ's approval rating. Gone like your common sense when the promise of getting laid is waived in your face. Yep ... gone like that. Now, this lazy sack of shit has decided to start writing again ... can you believe it?

I know the question will inevitably come up. Cincy, where have you been? I've been here. Just sorta uninspired and just worn out. You would think a government job would give me plenty of time off .... you would think. My day is starting at 6 A.M. and with traffic, rolling my tubby ass into the gym after work, and getting home at 9 P.M., I'm a bit exhausted. I'm currently involved in an unholy union with an ancient copier with whom I've spent more time this week than with any family I've got nearby. I'll move within the perimeter of the ATL sometime soon, but 'til then, I'll try to update regularly starting ..... now. You can thank Deeesguy for the title of this entry.

I know you saying to yourself: Cincy, what is your take on world events? Israel? The War in Iraq? The war against our civil rights? The elections? All valid topics. But let's face it. There is only one topic that should have the world holding it's collective breath. There is only one topic that has world leaders tossing & turning at night. There is only one topic that has economists pouring over data late into the night.

The topic: So who is better, Angels & Airwaves or +44?

Let's start with Angels. They released their first album and the first song definitely had me psyched. Kudos for throwing the first punch. "The Adventure" was a catchy little ditty. Tom DeLonge has taken this new band a little too seriously though. He has made AVA sound like it's the next coming of Nirvana; a band that will literally rewrite music history. Don't get me wrong .. the CD is decent. It's more like Simple Plan or Good Charlotte decent, not like Alkaline Trio or Rancid or Jimmy Eat World decent. I can't tell if the AVA is supposed to have a Christian bent or not .... but hey, whatever floats Tom's boat is what I say. I say that the band needs to get a few dick and fart jokes, but that's just my opinion.

+44 is officially the "cock tease" of the music world right now. Initially, their site had a tune to listen to that was subtle and understated. Quite good. But that's really been it. I've gotten more satisfaction from filling the toilet bowl at work than I've recently gotten from +44. I only hope +44 brings it; I hope they don't build up their project so much so that it is impossible to live up to my lofty expectations (after all, it's my opinion that counts .... at least on this blog). So until +44 decides to give it up like a drunken teenage girl at her first frat party, I'll have to wait .... and I AM NOT PATIENT!!!!