Driving in Atlanta

I have driven in Seoul, Houston, Dallas, Chicago, and Washington D.C.. Each has its share of obstacles that you must deftly overcome. However, I don't think anything prepared me for the futility that is Atlanta driving.

See, there seems to be a huge problem in this part of the country. You've got these folks who drive with that Southern, laid-back attitude. That might be a good thing on side streets or even a main street. However, once you're on the interstate, this needs to go out the window.

The general rule of thumb should be that once you're out on the road, you need to haul ass. In other words, don't impede the flow of traffic. Instead, I've got every suburban housewife returning from Sears driving my arch nemesis, the mini-van. You've got yokel with access to a cell phone driving his truck with the Bass Pro Shop sticker while talking to Ernest about the fishing hole. I have literally been on I-75 behind cars going 50 mph in a 65!!! It's insane!!!

Southern hospitality is nice, but you don't have to let every asswipe in when you're stuck in traffic. Look, Captain Coronary Episode who is just pulling out of Wendys after ordering a triple bypass burger can wait a bit longer 'til there is a legit break in traffic. Don't let him in because now I'm not going to get through the next traffic light because of your "random act of kindness". The only act of kindness should be not to run every stupid driver off the road.

Additionally, how in the fuck does 6 lanes of traffic on an interstate come to a screeching halt when there is no accident? I don't get it; I see it everyday. I mean literally, all 6 lanes at a stop for 5 - 10 minutes at a time. Amazing; it baffles me. Do we all have to slow down to see who Sherrif Roscoe P. Coltrane has pulled over? Do we all have to slow down to see the 2 cars on the shoulder? Can the princess get the fuck off of the cellphone and just drive?