Just Die With Some Fucking Dignity

There's something to be said about acting your age. We all know some relative or close acquaintance that is convinced he or she is still in their 20's. To paraphrase George Lopez, at one time they may have been hot. That was then, this is now.

So why in God's name are we trying to convince the baby boomers that they can still act cool? Seriously, so you're going to have Social Security and get to live on golf courses while my generation will be saddled with so much debt we'll be giving prison blowjobs for some ramen. So you'll have Medicare and Medicaid for your Viagra while I'll be forced to take trips south of the border hoping that Spanish fly is still for sale. Please quit trying to convince this generation that they're still cool and vibrant.

OK, I get it that you were hippies. Sure, I understand that your saw the Stones back in '69. Yeah, I get it that you once owned a Harley and drank Canadian Club whiskey.

But you also brought the leisure suit. You also gave us Brut cologne. And of course, you gave us the porn stache. But advertisers in the quest to always hock something have created a niche catering to this generation.

The worst is this Touch of Gray commercial with the old geezers surfing and "rocking out" on stage like they're in a bizarro world version of an A&F commercial. They show an old guy and his equally old wife on stage at a "club". His wife kisses him and he's one moment away from his dentures falling out. One geezer takes it to the rim against some younger guys with the coordination of a sorority girl at a fraternity kegger.

But to quote Grandpa Simpson, I'm tired of seeing commercials with these active seniors. Let's see a real commercial. Show me the old woman at Kroger who can't figure out how a self-scanning checkout works. Show me the old man who still can't figure out how to make a call on a cell phone. Show me the old couple who are watching 4 channels on their TV because they can't fathom the idea of using their cable box. Show me the old man walking during the summer with black dress socks in sandals.

Look, we're all going to get older. Hell, I'm old as dirt now. But that doesn't mean that I have to wear socks and sandals. I won't be tucking in t-shirts into my shorts. I'm not going to wear those suspenders that hold up socks. I'll just act dignified and quit trying to act like I'm in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. In fact, I'll be like the old man in this clip!!