Sure, it's been a while since I've posted. But don't hold that against me. I recently got a lateral promotion at work: more exciting work but a higher workload.
So here is my weekly Top 5!!
Top 5 Women Who Need the Devil
5. Penelope Cruz: Sure, she's an all-time fave, but that doesn't mean her taste in men has gotten any better. How do you go from crazy (Tom Cruise) to smelly (Matthew McConaughey) to greasy (Josh Hartnett)? She needs a steady dull guy like yours truly!!!
4. Liz Phair: She is the hottest MILF in the universe. She's close to my age and is single. Plus, how many women her age look this good or like this? Besides, if she can write songs like "Fuck and Run" or "HWC (Hot White Cum)", she is going to be Mrs. Devil.
3. Erika Christensen: Hot and curvy in all the right places. She needs a career boost. What better than for her to be seen with me on the beach. Can't you just see the Star headlines? "Hottie and Fattie on the beach" or "Beauty and the Beached ...as in Whale".
2. Winona Ryder: Cute and a huge rack to boot? I can die now ... but not 'til I pry her from the greasy fingers of every rock star she's dated. Much as I liked Soul Asylum, but Dave Pirner? He's like a Joe Dirt movie come to life!!! She was with Johnny Depp when he thought he was a rock star!! She digs the music boys.
1. Scarlett Johansson: Lately, she's been linked to Justin Timberlake. Some might think he brought sexy back, but let's face it. He's the next falsetto Corey Feldman wannabe. Need proof? Look at this picture of the ass-clown: notice the hat. Now look at this pic of a bloated, drug addicted child star. Do I need to say more? Plus they both are self-confessed Michael Jackson fans (shudder).