Saturday, January 21, 2006

Saturday sucks

Some observations from working at this 2nd rate gift shop this weekend:

1. This place carries some of the shittiest, tackiest gifts ever. Who wants to pay $4.99 for a pen that has a couple of colored feathers and a clear globe on top? How do you rationalize selling children's meds for 5X what you'd pay anywhere else? They sell these cheap Atlanta Braves caps that have those really big, shitty letters on the side. Seriously, there is an Exxon station up the road that sells this same cap for $5 and at least you can get a paper and a hot dog (yeah, those gas station hot dogs; I'm the asshole they fix 'em for; I love 'em).

2. The shadiest people come into this shop because it's in a hotel. First, on New Year's Eve, I had a hooker come in buying condoms. How did I know she was a hooker? First off, the rooms were like $300 a night for the holiday; she was wearing a band aid .... a la Nelly style; she was missing a tooth; and she was wearing what looked like a rabbit fur coat. Interestingly enough, she was actually one of the nicest people to come in there that night. The second shadiest was a guy at a conference. He skulked around the store like your trenchcoat wearing uncle walking through the shoe department at a Wal-Mart, hunched over like he's got an appendenge coming out of his crotch. Turns out, he's got a wedding ring on and he's buying condoms. He waited 'til everyone left the shop and then all but ran up to buy a 3 pack of rubbers. I should've poked a hole in them with a needle to teach this fuck a lesson.

3. The average customer here is a 45 y.o. bored housewife whose only thing to do is to shop all fucking day. These are the same kinds of people who wear reindeer sweaters at X-Mas or fly those stupid fucking flags with an easter egg during the spring. Essentially, the Oprah Winfrey studio audience.

4. The hotel hosts conferences specifically for the socially inept and hideous. Why can't they host the national conference for The Association of Young Slutty Sexual Massage Therapists? Why is the only conferences they host is for herds of 300 lb. "female" proctology nurses?

5. Technically, I'm not supposed to sit or read during my time here. Yeah .... right .... I'm sitting on the counter reading Penthouse Forum. Maybe someday I'll be able to submit a "true-life" adventure about how I went camping and some Playboy Playmaters lost all of their clothes in the river and needed to have hot lesbian sex and 3somes to stay warm all weekend.

6. Yeah, like the pic, I work with assholes all day .......

Anyone else have some observations about their job?

6 comments:

unforgiving b*tch said...

This is one point where I actually feel my job may be better than yours. Yes, I work with assholes all day, but at least the majority of mine are locked up behind bars...

Cincysundevil said...

Unforgiving-
Very true; I wish I could lock those housewives up with some brooms and mops so we could see if they are capable of doing actual work

MoDigli said...

Well, it looks like you've got me beat there, Cincy! Still, I think we both need to take heart and keep our chins up! Hang in there! :)

NML said...

Sounds like good fun! Actually, I'm sure that the novelty wears off rapidly so I do sympathise. I worked at a store that had the cretins of the world shopping there. Not good for my mental mojo ;-)

Cincysundevil said...

Mo-
We will get through this. It's funny how our lives are running parallel, except your relationship is in good shape ... LOL. But you're right, we'll hang in there and keep our chins up!

Cincysundevil said...

NML-
Oh the novelty wore off after the first week!! LMAO! My mojo is all gone after working there .. I'm completely immasculated!