Monday, January 02, 2006

Chuck E Cheese Sterilized Me

Today was my first visit ever to a Chuck E. Cheese. Yes, it's true. I've never visited the rat kingdom until today. Sure, I'm a fan of skeeball, video games, and pizza. However, no amount of love for these things prepared me for the evil I was to witness today.

Apparently, this place is designed so that parents can take their children to an enclosed gaming area and then turn them loose upon other unsuspecting adults. Unbridled evil offspring of defeated parents roam the video games like the Huns, pillaging and destroying all in sight. They run without the realization that their small fists are directly at crotch level. They crowd walkways with impunity. They surrond the Coke machine all the while lifting their wee sized cups in some sort of Satanic ritual.

What killed me the most though were the parents. Everyone is so convinced their child is the most special in the world that they become the rudest fucks on the face of the earth. I saw parents all but elbow these wee urchins in the face at the counter where you redeem your tickets for cheap plastic prizes.

I have to wonder what affect this will have on our society later. Every child is being told he/she is the most special and yes, every child is special. However, being unique and special doesn't make you better than everyone else. Mom and dad's behavior is only going to add fuel to this fire. For instance, teachers can't discipline children anymore. Why? Because every parent will tell the teacher that "my child would never do that ... you must be mistaken". Like you, when I was in school, if I got into trouble, I got it at school ... and then I got it worse at home. My folks had pretty much given the school permission to spank me, whip me, rabbit punch me, or even put me in the iron maiden if I were to act up.

The funny thing was that despite the fact that the kids were running loose and the parents were complete jackfucks, I still think I'd like to be a father. Yeah, I know ... the Devil is a big softie. You'd think I was the one with the biological clock ticking. But it is true, I still think kids are great. I think I'd be a great father and my kids would definitely be the "Yes sir / No sir" kids when they meet other adults.


A. Estella Sassypants said...

Chuck E. Cheese = pedophile paradise

Ruben said...

I feel your pain. I was tricked into going to this house of lost souls once. I was so terrified by the kids that I actually neutered myself in the parking lot so that I would never have any kids that behaved the way those kids did.

Cincysundevil said...

It is kind of a creepy place

Cincysundevil said...

I seriously thought about giving myself a vasectomy with one of those plastic "safety" knives right by the bandstand

NML said...

I always wondered what Chuck E Cheese was and now that I know, I'll promptly forget about it..