Having lived here for 5 years now, I've noticed so many differences between the Southwest and the Midwest, so in the name of convenience, I've compiled a few of them here:
1. A tan is not synonymous with a great body. Simply because you spent a week laying out and drinking cans of Budweiser on the Redneck Riveria doesn't instantly grant you a killer bod. There are also an abundance of tanning spas here. Note: you're not fooling us in January with the tan; we know you didn't fly down to the Caribbean for a weekend getaway, not when you work at TCBY or Footlocker.
2. Everyone here smokes. I mean everyone. Men, women, children, priests, nuns, pets. Everyone smokes. There is absolutely no sense in wearing cologne to a bar or nightclub here. Nothing smells better than Aramis Life cologne and the stench of 100 people smoking GPC's.
3. There are no great local restaurants in my part of Ohio. Forbes did a write up about the best cities for singles. The review of Cincinnati was less than flattering. It mentioned that a night out in the 'Nati consisted of wearing your best sweats to a chain restaurant.
4. Everyone who grew up here loves classic rock. I don't get it. In high school or college at a party out West, if you threw on a Steve Miller or Bob Seger song, it was like those scenes in a movie when the wrong people walk into a party. The record scratches and everyone just stops and stares at you. Steve Miller can still sell out a show at a huge outdoor venue with about 1/2 the crowd younger than me while Ted Leo and the Pharmacists come to town and have to play some hole in the wall club. I don't get it ......
5. Mullets exist in huge abundance here. Male and female alike.
6. This state would be perfectly fine if every professional sports franchise closed shop leaving only Ohio State football. In the West, there is so much to do outside of going to college football games (especially in Arizona) that it's tough for sports teams to compete. Do you really want to go see a mediocre baseball team (yes, I'm a D'Backs fan) play a game in the middle of the day when you can go to Sedona?
7. This place seems to run about 5 or 6 years behind everyplace else. In other words, don't come to Ohio if you wanna see anything trendy. Mark Twain once commented that when the world was ending, he'd go to Cincinnati because it's always 15 years behind everyone else. For instance, the whole Fast and Furious car craze is barely beginning to take off here.
8. Any time I see a live band in Ohio, I can be assured just as certain as death and taxes that someone will scream "Play some Skynard" or "Freebird". Also, for whatever reason, cheesy mook rock bands like Nickelback can still sell out shows here.
9. BW3's seems to be more popular than any bar or night club here.
10. Kids here all know how to play card games. When I grew up out West, we were never inside enough to sit down to learn to play cards. I will probably never get into poker as a sport or play euchre.
11. Ohio has a weird state flag. Yeah, I know it's the only state with a pennant, but it seems that a state flag is meant to be just that ... a flag.
12. No one has figured out how to keep highways in good shape here. I see more orange cones on the roads here than the yellow dividing lines. When I first moved here, my car had just gotten new struts, shocks, and the alignment done. 6 months later, all 3 were shot.
Just a few of my Ohio observations. If you've got any others, just post 'em