The British Are Coming

We've all been forced to watch English movies or English television shows that weren't quite funny. I was never a fan of Monty Python (I can hear the hissing already from some of you). I found Merchant Ivory films incredibly slow and cumbersome and I hated Remains Of The Day. I never found some of those English comedies very funny that seem to be on PBS all hours of the day. I guess I just never found English comedy .... well, I didn't find it very funny (with the exception of The Young Ones and Shaun Of The Dead which absolutely rocked!!!).

Maybe my humor is too low brow. Maybe I need something like Jackass where guys sit in their tidy whities and throw a dog's rawhide bone at one another's sacks. I just couldn't picture the English getting into this sort of thing.

How wrong I was!! The BBC has now created a show that caters to my simple minded personality. It's called Ed vs. Spencer and it is one of the most brilliant concepts ever!

This show is a guy's show. It's about 2 guys who pretty do anything to cockblock one another. It's a show about those type of best friends where one guy gets drunk and his best friend writes all over his forehead with a Sharpie things like 666, I Eat Cock, and so on. So far, it's been hilarious. One of the two guys, Ed, is the typical Spicoli type but much more devious. In one episode, they have to date 3 women and see whom the ladies will like better. Ed switches one of the girls with a friend of his and tells her to act completely bored and annoyed with Spencer. Ed also takes one of the women, an 86 year old, to a strip club. How great is that? To give you an idea of what they are doing, here is a listing of upcoming shows:

March 23rd - Who Can Make Himself the Sickest?
March 30th- Who Can Stay Handcuffed the Longest?
April 6th - Who's the Most Attractive to Women?
April 13th - Who Can Survive in the Woods the Longest?
April 20th - Who Can Make the Best Porn?
April 27th - Who Is the Hardest?
May 4th - Who Do Kids Like More?
May 11th - Who Can Put On the Most Weight?
May 18th - Who Can Make Himself More Famous?
May 25th - Who Can Make the Most Money in Three Days

If this is the new wave of UK comedy, then I am definitely moving to the UK so that I can steal Kate Winslet or Kate Beckinsale away from their current beaus, grab some fish & chips, and watch Ed try to fuck over Spencer in any way possible.

The Devil Works In Mysterious Ways

I had a crazy Saturday. I had to run out and buy some new shirts and ties. Why you might ask? You guessed it ... someone is going to pay me for my perceived talents. Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are.

The nice thing is that is that I'll be making more money than I did at my last job and I believe people will actually appreciate the work that I do. That being said, I also know that the pressure will be on to deliver an actual product and not simply moan as questions come rolling in. No, this is a honest to goodness job where I will have to use my mind other than to decide where I'm going to eat lunch that day. Plus, it's a government job so I will have all my benefits starting on day one.

Now, this doesn't mean that yours truly will not tend to his blog. Quite the contrary; I think that this position will offer me a whole new plethera of stories. I'm sure I will find crazy things in whatever I do ... and in what I don't do. Hopefully, I'll be as cool as this guy in the picture.

Praying For Short Pudgy Guys Playing Football

Dcnats is responsible for this post! He has a weekly tradition on his blog called Film Vault Tuesday. Every Tuesday, he reviews an old movie that he digs and gives you the rundown. He's a huge baseball fan, just as I'm a huge football fan. I went to Catholic school pretty much from Kindergarten through 6th grade (I would've went further but my hometown didn't have a Catholic Jr. High or Catholic High School). So being Catholic and a huge football fan means one thing and one movie ... but we'll get to that in a minute.

Catholic school was great because the nuns pushed us hard ... academically!! Jr. High and High School were a breeze thanks to the academic standards set for us there. We were always told by the nuns and the priests that we should want to go to a good Catholic university. Of course, we all know what good Catholic university they meant: Notre Dame.

So naturally, you know what movie I'm talking about. Yeah, that one. We all, in some small way, love Rudy. It's the classic American story about the short pudgy kid who goes on to play for the most hallowed college football team in the nation even if for only one or two plays.

During Catholic school's Friday student mass, the priests would often pray for Notre Dame. During the offering, the priest would say something like "Lord, look over our departed brethren as they look to come into your eternal light and watch the boys in South Bend as our beloved Notre Dame takes on Southern California." Naturally, this sort of brainwashing had it's intended effect on me: I wanted to go to Notre Dame more than any other school in the world.

So in the movie Rudy, the movie breaks into a montage of Rudy studying, working out, sleeping in the utility room at the stadium, checking his mail and getting rejection letters. Then there's the scene where he picks up a letter from the admissions office. He walks outside sitting across the pond from campus on a bench. He opens up the letter and starts to read aloud. When he gets to the part accepting him into Notre Dame, his voice cracks, starts to cry a bit, and thanks God. If anyone knows how badly he wanted to get into Our Lady, it's me. Everytime I see this scene, I get goosebumps and have to make up some lame excuse like I need a drink or something otherwise I might start start crying like a little kid with a skinned knee.

I did apply to Notre Dame for law school and it was the only school that didn't accept me. The rejection letter was the nicest I've ever received noting that there are over 17 students applying for every seat at the law school. I still have it tucked away in some papers. I had an Ex that I lived with and her old man was a huge Michigan fan who hated Notre Dame. He bought her, as a dig at me, the book Under The Tarnished Dome and I immediately made her pack it away saying that I would not allow that sort of filth in my home. I might apply for an LLM (A masters of law) at Notre Dame in the future and take off one year to do it. Just so that I can say I went to God's school (You hear that Deeesguy, it's God's school. I'll act like a Republican or W supporter by saying "If you don't cheer for Notre Dame, you're not cheering for God.")

I Was Tagged And Didn't Even Get A Reach Around!!

Wow; I think I've had a ton of music related entries this month and last. Music is a huge part of my life, no denying. I always have music somewhere (except when I study). I can't drive with the radio off; I can't blog without music; I can't draw without music. It permeates my very being. Those of you who know me pretty well know that this is due to my awesome mother who ALWAYS had music in our home.

As for the pic, go to this website. This was what hapened with "Crash Into Me" by the beloved DMB. It's done by some sort of computer program that follows the notes with a line and then bends them according to the song. It's pretty cool Now, we're on to a music topic again! The always cute and effervescent Jen tagged me.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you? : "911 Is A Joke" - Public Enemy (Telling lyric: " ... They don't care 'cause they stay paid anyways ... ". This is a call to revolution ... not that I would favor that sort of thing!)

Will I have a happy life? : "Nasim Joon" - O.A.R. (Telling lyric: "... Set to ride this here rail 'til the end")

What do my friends really think of me? : "La Tierra Del Olvido" - Carlos Vives (Wish my Spanish was better and then I could give you some lyrics)

What do people secretly think of me? : "Wait 'til You See Him" - Ella Fitzgerald (I'm not sure if this is a good sign or not; but Ella is fucking awesome)

How can I be happy? : "Galaxia" - Gipsy Kings (Well, I do love the guitar and I love these guys; maybe concentrating on playing the guitar will make me happy?!?!? They're coming this summer so I need to snag tickets for this show)

What should I do with my life? : "I'll Drink To That" - The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones (Telling lyric: "... The place is packed / I needed that / The bottles cracked / I'm glad for that / A good nights rest? / Forget about that / I feel alive in this dive so I'll drink to that")

Will I ever have children? : "Como Duelo En Los Labios" - Mana (If I play some music like this with the ladies, I just might .... then again ... probably not!)

What is some good advice for me? : "Simmer Down" - The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones (I think the shuffle function on my MP3 player isn't that great hence 2 Bosstones' songs so close together; actually this good advice for everyone .... except Cheri Oteri doing that skit on SNL where this was her catchphrase)

How will I be remembered? : "A Message To You Rudy" - The Specials (Telling lyrics: "... Stop your messing around / Time you straightened right out / Better think of your future / Else you'll wind up in jail ..."; what is God telling me?)

What is my signature dancing song? : "Havest Home" - Big Country (Super great song ... yeah, I'm playing air guitar while I listen to this home; I love how this band got this super distorted sound almost like bag pipes from their guitars; LISTEN TO THIS SONG: This was one of the best 80's band that is known only for one song and it is a crime to only know that song)

What do I think my current theme song is? : "Mrs. Potter's Lullaby" - Counting Crows (Deeesguy insisted once that "Holiday In Spain" is more of my theme song; Deeesguy took me to their show at Miami U in Oxford and now I am definitely a fan)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? : "Cum On Feel The Noize" - Quiet Riot (A guilty pleasure? Sure. Is it cheesy? Sure. But admit it; in the 80's when this first came out, you were banging your head like I was. And in case you are wondering ..... yes, I am playing air guitar along with this one too)

What song will play at my funeral? : "Monkey Man" - Toots & The Maytals w/ No Doubt (When I do pass away, I want something like an Irish wake. You don't have to leave my body out for like a day or two, but I want everyone to hit the pub with an open bar, drink, laugh, and remember me for the good times; this is a fun little ditty that just might perk up the mourners!!)

What type of men/women do you like? : "Crash Into Me" - Dave Matthews Band (Maybe this is fitting considering neither Andrea Corr nor Salma Hayek, Paz Vega, Penelope Cruz, Monica Belluci, Kirsten Dunst nor Scar Jo has publicly acknowledged my love. This is a song about a peeping tom, Telling lyrics: " ... Oh I watch you there / Through the window / And I stare at you / You wear nothing / But you wear it so well ....")

What is my day going to be like? : "La Cienega Just Smiled" - Ryan Adams (Beautiful song; when I returned from my trip to Ireland to visit my friends there, this was playing on the inboard music channel the moment the wheels left the ground; maybe it's a day to remember good friends and great experiences)

Now who am I tagging? Well, I believe Mariemm, Deeesguy (you can just post yours in the comments ... unless you start you own blog like I've been bugging you to do), Andi and well ... EVERYONE who reads this should do it if you haven't already!!!

Music, Music, Music Everywhere

Mariemm and I have sorta discussed a music spot. It would be like a blog maybe but also like a forum where you could post the name of some new bands or great music. I'm not sure how to do it just yet, but I could host the blog and give everyone who wanted the opportunity to post and blog on it. I would definitely need Deeesguy to post. He is always 6 months ahead on bands. I will always say "You know I heard (band) the other day. They're great!" Deeesguy is always like "Oh, did you hear (song name)? That's a great song. I've got the CD if you want me to burn you a copy." He is the Music Man so if we all beg him enough, he might decide to become a contributor. And these are the best horrible album covers of all time. Go here for more!!
So ... anyone interested in participating?

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

This week, the hot button issue is immigration and the Devil is not one to back down from a good, clean debate. I think this nation has lost its way and is severely short on memory when it comes to immigration. This is a nation of immigrants. From the Murphy clan to the Duttas to the Patels to the Savones to the Carpenters all the way to the Martinezes, this is a nation of immigrants.

Right now, we have so many proposals in Congress to limit immigration from the South. Most of the scare tactics being used these days is that terrorists might use the open deserts to cross into the United States. What is never really openly mentioned is that not one of the 9/11 terrorists snuck into this nation. And they certainly wouldn't sneak in from Mexico risking life and limb to get in. Al Qaeda and any terrorist organization is well funded and would certainly spend the money to get a terrorist into this nation drawing as little attention as possible. If anything, they'd simply fly one of their clowns into Canada and have them cross with some black market US identification.

I have to admit that I feel a little of both sides of the issue on this. I completely understand the desire to leave your country to provide a better life for your children and your family. This isn't a crime. However, I can understand the argument that it is still illegal immigration and that you shouldn't "reward" people for breaking the law. However, the people are here working the jobs that most Americans won't work for under $15 an hour.

One of the most interesting things I have heard from the right wing on this topic is that during the walkouts and protests, many people weren't waving American flags. Many were waving the Mexican flag or the Colombian flag or the Venezualan flag or any Latin American nation's flag. The more radical right wingers insisted this was the signal that the influx of immigrants is an "invasion".

I can actually understand this argument to a point. I understand that you're proud to be a Mexican or Cubano or Colombiano. But you're out in force to protest the fact that your adopted homeland might force you to leave. You want to prove that you belong here as an American. You know that some Americans are a bit unnerved that you're here and that you don't really want to be a part of American society. So why would they go and wave flags of foreign nations?

Now ... yes, I understand we have freedom of speech. Yes, I think you should be proud of your heritage. I'm not saying that you should abandon your heritage, your culture and submit your everything to America. However, there is a time and place to tailor your message to your audience or to the public in order to achieve a greater good. I think this might have been one of those times.

I just imagine the impact that seeing 500,000 immigrants marching in Los Angeles would have if they would've waved only American flags. Who in the Evil Empire (the Republican party or the right-wing) could then doubt that these hard working people want to be part of the American fabric? They couldn't point to pictures and say "Look!! It's an invasion."

This is only one small part of the whole argument. This nation was founded by immigrants. This nation was built on the backs of those willing to do the dirty work that most "citizens" wouldn't do. America has lost her way ... she's lost the spirit of "your huddled masses". We know have a nation of privileged who don't want to admit that this country has a dirty little secret of using migrant labor. We attack those who work the hardest, the longest, for the least amount.

Again, this is only the Devil's point of view and any comments as usual are welcomed. I am curious what other nations have done to curtail immigration problems and tension.

The Devil: Nameless And Faceless (To Most That Is)

I've often pondered whether or not I should ever show my face. At first, I didn't do it because I didn't have a decent picture of myself and no digital camera. That plus the fact that where I worked is basically a haven of computer geeks with nothing better to do than to look up info on employees all day long and what they're saying about the company (I think we had some sort of company loyalty clause in our employment paperwork). And if you had your profile on Match.com, then you were really screwed!

I know alot of people show their faces in their avatar or somewhere in their blog. A few people have seen my mug and the reviews have not been good. I think if I showed my face, the villagers would burn down my blog.

I've thought that if I do it, it would have to be with some sort of momentous event like I ran a marathon or I score a six-figure job or I finally get to hit Ireland & the UK or Andrea Corr / Salma Hayek / Paz Vega / Penelope Cruz / Kirsten Dunst / Monica Belluci / Barbara Mori / etc. will publicly acknowledge my undying, loyal love.

But being anonymous gives you a bit of freedom. A few of my old friends know about my blog and so they know who I am and what I'm about. Not that I'm trying to fool anyone, but sometimes people build up an image of what you are and when they finally see or meet you, it's shattered. With anonymity, I can continue to call 'em like I see 'em with no problems. Sometimes though, I think it would be great to post pics of me in my various travels of journeys from around the world or just over to Wal-Mart for a good ole fashioned mullett hunt.

Has anyone else had this same dilema or have you had any problems with revealing your persona? Give me some insights and maybe you'll each get to experience the horror that is the Devil!!!

Hot Aiken Sex And Ozzy Betrayed Me

As the self-proclaimed music snob with bad taste, I like to keep up with tacky and useless music news. As I have said, American Idol represents all that is completely wrong with music today. Well, apparently some people decided to file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission against Clay Aiken's record label claiming that they were mislead. Apparently, he didn't live up to the asexual and wholesome image that his record label built up for him. This past year, some GI reported that he and Aiken had a night of hot sex. Apparently, someone wanted to do to this guy what you don't do to farm animals.

First of all, who didn't really know this guy was gay? I don't know a ton of gay guys, but my gaydar meter was as high as Bobby & Whitney in Amersterdam! Who did he really fool? Only the completely braindead and ignorant were fooled! I think Mango was more masculine than Aiken.

Secondly ... who fucking cares? It's a clown from American Idol. He's not a real artist ..... he's some clown that just sings what's put in front of him!! I'm still waiting for Ruben Stoddard to eat him after they team up on the Justin Guarini reunion tour.

All this music talk got me thinking about fistpumpers. No, not what I do while Salma Hayek is rolling around naked in a hot, sweaty sex scene. I'm talking about those songs that get you pumped up; that get your blood going. These are some of those songs that get to me:

1. "Crazy Train" - Ozzy Osbourne: I remember hearing this in Jr. High. I had always loved the electric guitar, but when I heard Randy Rhoads tearing his way through this song, I knew I would always want to play the guitar. The only bad thing about this song is that it was used to kick off Monday Night Football and Ozzy committed the ultimate sin by singing this live in a Patriots jersey. I hate the Pats ... 'nuff said. I'm sure Randy Rhoads is spinning in his grave with Ozzy wearing that hated jersey.
2. "Feeling This" - Blink 182: Dcnats has asked me not to talk about these guys since it is depressing to think that they have broken up. But this song has one of the best intros. I saw Blink perform this on their Dollar Bill tour in Chicago at the House of Blues where they were promoting the new album. This one of the first new songs they played and it was fucking awesome.
3. "Nothing With You" - The Descendents: This is the ultimate punk love song. It's about doing nothing with the person you love because you don't want to be apart from her. Very SoCal punk. The Devil likey!
4. "Monosyllabic Girl" - NoFx: Short, sweet, and funny. Very crunchy guitars on this (listen to it and you'll know what I mean). Perhaps one of the best punk songs because in the end, the girl tells the guy "no".
5. "Gigantic" - The Pixies: One of maybe 3 songs where I want to play the rarely performed air-bass guitar. The opening riff is superb and unforgettable. Kim Deal makes the bass pretty fucking cool.
6. "Stupid Kid" or "Steamer Trunk" - The Alkaline Trio: This band has such outstanding punk songs that to separate this two is to have Donnie without Marie; pull apart the Captain and Tennille; or split up Hall & Oates .... well, maybe the Hall & Oates thing is a good thing.
7. "Mr. Brightside" - The Killers: One of the best modern tunes around. I think I was Mr. Brightside right after ML and I ended our relationship. I was always picturing her with one of the guys that she might make a comment about. But the song is superb and catchy.
8. "Anarchy In The UK" - The Sex Pistols: I want to pick up molotov cocktails and toss them at the National Republican Convention. I want to break shit. I want to break up the G8. This one brings out the anarchist in me.
9. "People Of The Sun" - Rage Against The Machine: This one stirs up that hot Latin blood. The lyrics talk about the destruction of the Maya empire and the Zoot Suit riots in L.A. during WWII. Plus, they always had the best t-shirts and posters.
10. "Fight The Power" - Public Enemy: Fuck Bill O'Reilly. Fuck FOX news. Fuck the right wingers for trying to use this song. These fucks try to coopt a song, which in it's very essence, is about fighthing the right wing!

BONUS: You heard it right. If you keep reading right now, you'll get 12 ... yes, 12 songs for the price of 10. The Devil has decided to generously include 2 other songs, you will also get:
11. "Unchained" - Van Halen: Again, one of those amazing intros. Eddie is tearing up the beginning of the song with a super heavy riff.
12. "Chavas (Girls)" - Molotov: If you're a fan of Jackass like I am, they've used this song before. It's the best remake of a Beastie Boys song in the history of the world.

Get To Know The Devil

Hi there. Many of you say, really Devil, just tell us some more about who you are. Well, I've compiled a few facts about who I am. For instance, if I were a punk band, which great classic punk band would I be? Well, I'd be ....

Sex Pistols
This is where you belong in the annals of punk history!

You'd really like to change the way things are in the world, but you just don't know where to start. You're pissed enough to move mountains but if you could only motivate yourself and if by chance you do take the world on, make sure you don't self destruct.

This is probably the most appropriate punk band for me other than the fun SoCal bands I dig like NoFx or the Descendents. Thanks to Mariemm for this one. Now, you've got to tell me what classic punk band you are ... for comparisons sake, of course.

In more pressing news, it appears that I am merely a dork.

Not a full blown geek yet. One has goals, does he not? Now, you ask yourself, if the Devil were a heavy in a movie, which bad ass would he be. Once again, I'm here to answer the questions. Apparently, I'm also the coolest villain in the movies .... ever

Not that I've seen Goodfellas like 15 or 20 times in my life. But now on to the more pressing issue. Yes, I know what you're gonna ask. Devil, if you were a drink what drink would you be? Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?

Thanks for getting to know the Devil a bit better.

Old Sayings Just To Keep You In Your Place

There is a new television show coming out soon that pits the filthy rich against the filthy poor in minimum wage jobs. The prize is a paltry $200,000. I say paltry because that is what this fucking show will earn in revenue from commercials for one airing. But that is besides the point. We hate the rich because they have what we don't ... and they're not letting it go. They "elect" someone like the fucking Anti-Christ (W) so that he can make sure there are plenty of permanent tax breaks for them or so that they don't get taxed on their inheritance (which by the way isn't money they've earned so taxing it isn't like you're taxing someone after they die; you're taxing the recipient .... you get taxed if you win the lottery, well .. this is the same concept. Don't believe the hype when you hear it called a "Death Tax").

Bob Marley got me thinking about this today. I was listening to "Get Up, Stand Up" where he preaches:

Most people think great God will come from the sky
Take away ev'rything, and make ev'rybody feel high
But if you know what life is worth
You would look for yours on earth
And now you see the light
You stand up for your right, yeah!

If only Americans could hear and understand this message. That old saying "Money can't buy you happiness" is a load of shit. I hate that saying. I think most these old sayings were created by the wealthy and the happy to sedate the unhappy masses. What kind of crap is that: money can't buy happiness? Because being broke and worried about paying your bills makes you happy? Not being able to provide is the path to true joy? If money can't buy happiness, then I can sure as hell afford my own misery ... I'm willing to give it a shot.

Another one we've all heard is that the poor shall get their reward in heaven. Yeah ... because it would be completely unfair to give the poor a little something now, right? Again, just another one of those phrases propogated by the rich as if to say "Hey, you're really the lucky one. Hell, I wish I could rummage through the couch for enough change to put gas in a 10 year old Hondo Civic. Instead, I have this unholy burden to bear of having too much money" You know ... shouldn't our rich brethren be willing to share their "burden" so that they don't have to carry so much?

What about this one: "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all". This is the advice that the one friend we all have who is in a great relationship gives you when your beloved has driven a Mack truck through your rib cage, tied a chain to your heart, and backed over your heart say a couple hundred times. It's funny because I always associate this phrase with a movie, an unlikely movie .. but I associate this with Men In Black. There is the scene where Tommy Lee Jones is looking through some monitor at his lost love and Will Smith makes the "better to have loved" comment. Tommy Lee just shoots him this icy look and says "Try it". That just about sums it up for me.

I'm not normally this pessimistic. Yes, I do truly believe something good comes out of something bad. I know that if I hadn't gone through the heartbreaks I've had in my life, then I would've never finished college, finished law school, and been to half the places I've been.

I just hate society pushing these stupid sayings on us as if to say that we should just accept our lot in life and let the rich keep fucking over the system and everyone because they'll get theirs in the end or pity the rich because they're "miserable". Our society is becoming more stratified every day and unless we take steps to stop it, we're in for a nasty wakeup. People seem to forget that in the early part of the 20th century, those National Guard Armories were all so familiar with in big cities weren't set up in poor neighborhoods so that they could quickly have access to weapons in case of foreign invasion. They were set up in case the poor and dispossessed started to revolt. I really feel right now is a power grab by the rich to ensure they'll remain rich for as long as we're a nation since they feel they can just keep fucking over the middle class and poor because they think we have no choice. Remember this last little bit of truth that was thrown at us in law school by our Constitutional Law professor who was enraged by the Gore v. Bush decision: There is nothing .... absolutely nothing ... in the Constitution that guarantees we will always have a Democracy.

I Might As Well Get Ready For Reunion Tours

As I've gotten older, one thing I've noticed is that nostalgia is not limited to those of us who are (defiantly so) older. I know you've seen this on TV with those informercials. Originally, they were aimed at folks like my parents. It was a music collection from some decade like the 60's or 70's. They'd be hosted by some old rocker with 50 facelifts and enough hair plugs to make Slash look like Kojak. He'll have a younger counterpart, who in no way had anything to do with that music except that maybe she was conceived in one of those vans with the heart-shaped windows on the side while her parents banged away to an 8 track of Jethro Tull. So they'd babble on and on about how your old records get scratchy and that if you bought each of the albums individually, the cost could go into the $1000's (What a deal!!! ... insert sarcasm here).

As someone who is desperately trying to stave off getting older, imagine my horror when I saw one of these commercials for an 80's boxed set. I nearly spit out my dinner as this infomercial rolled across the screen. There it was confirming that I am no longer a young man: A Flock Of Seagulls, Madness, Hall & Oates, Men Without Hats, Winger, Poison, Motley Crue, and the list goes on. Each song, each band was like a nail in my coffin signalling the death knell.

Actually I first detected this problem a few years back in law school along with my old roommate, Deeesguy. We decided to go to Ribfest in downtown Cincinnati. What better than beer and BBQ for a guy to enjoy on a warm summer night? It was the perfect combo even more so because The Gin Blossoms were playing that night. Once the band starts playing, Deeesguy and I have had a few beers .... we're feeling great. Then we notice the couple next to us singing along with all of the songs ..... holding their kids. The more I looked around, the more I saw it. Suburban couples desperately clinging to some remnant of their youth much like myself. The place was replete with "those" couples: the couple you see at Home Depot trying to emulate that afternoons episode of some random home improvement show; the couple that now shops exclusively at Gap and Baby Gap; the couple that watches American Idol and Will & Grace religiously; the couple that actually buys albums from American Idol "contestants". They were there with me at this concert in their Docker shorts, golf shirts, and raising bottles of beers on arms where Citizen watches resided!!

Rock stars from my generation are beginning to kick off: Layne Staley from Alice In Chains; Stuart Adamson from Big Country; Bradley Nowell from Sublime; Jam Master Jay from Run DMC; Jeff Buckley; Joe Strummer from the Clash; Eazy-E; Michael Hutchence from INXS; Kurt Cobain; Joey, DeeDee & Johnny Ramone from The Ramones; just to name a few!! And to top it off Blink 182 has broken up! What next? U2 calls it quits?

I might as well get ready for those reunion tours where Blink reunites 10 years from now hoping to cash in on our nostalgia when we're all finally established homeowners with 401K plans. Several bands will get together like these Motown reunion tours that are always on PBS. You'll see the Goo Goo Dolls, two of the guys from Dexy's Midnight Runners, Loverboy, and Ice Cube all on one ticket!! I'll be there with my thinning hair, comfortable slacks, and sensible shoes trying hard to being young again! And so will you!!!

More Than Green Beer

So once again, it's St. Patrick's Day and as all of my friends know, I admire the Irish as a people. Despite facing discrimination on several fronts, they retained their belief and the Catholic religion.

I've read accounts of during the Famine, Irish Catholics were told in order to receive public assistance, they'd have to renounce Catholicisim. My friends in Ireland showed me what they called mass trees or mass rocks. These were places where the outlawed Catholic religion was practiced in secrecy from the occupying English. I might have mentioned this before but growing up where I did, Catholicism, Judaism, Islam .... well, pretty much anything besides Southern Baptist wasn't really welcome. So I can truly appreciate the fact that despite overwhelming odds and obstacles, these people were practicing their religion despite laws that forbade it.

I admire the Irish also for the position that several of them took during the Mexican-American War. Anti-Catholic sentiment was high; discrimination against the Irish was huge; and many Irish remembered the travesty that indentured servants went through; many Irish weren't keen on fighting to secure southern territories so that slavery could be expanded even further. So many Irish decided to fight with Mexico, which incidentally outlawed slavery (part of my gripe when people glorify the Alamo as a fight for "freedom"). They formed the San Patricio Battalion and if captured, were summarily executed for desertion by the US military.

I admire the Irish for making the best of a shitty situation in how America operates. Rather than let themselves be continually beat down, they opened their own parishes, their own schools, and worked the system for all it was worth. They helped open Irish grade schools and universities to both preserve their heritage and to promote themselves.

I admit a bit of jealousy because I really think Latinos could take a cue from these hard fought lessons. I think opening these schools and universities or making the best possible use of those already in place would serve us well.

In the end today, it is the one day when we all want to be Irish for the day. So I say "slainte" (cheers in Gaelic) to Ireland and the Irish. I look forward to visiting the Emerald Isle in the very near future!

P.S. The picture above is the John Locke Distillery in Kilbeggan, County Westmeath, where my friend Edel is from and where, God willing, I'll be for her wedding in May.

Fucking Blogger!!

FUCKING BLOGGER!!! All of my sweet little customizations were lost when Blogger crashed. SO it's going to take me forever and a day to get everything back. Damnit!! Fuck!! Damnit!! Devil smash!!! Devil angry!!!

Lazy Shoeless Fucks and Dogs On Ropes

Remember watching Sesame Street as a kid? They would have that "one of these things is not like the other" skit. So in the spirit of picking out things that aren't quite right, take a look at the pic to the left. So what is wrong with it? Let's see: Jackfuck has went through the trouble to grab his M-60, put on his best Bugle Boy polo, and even wears a ski mask to hide his identity. So why in the fuck can't this fucking moron put on a pair of shoes? He's out shooting and fighting in sandals ... guess this genius doesn't plan on running away. If he did, he'd be easy to find .... just follow the "clip clop" sound from his fake Birkenstocks.

Speaking of things that just don't look right, what the hell is wrong with Eddie Van Halen? He looks like that homeless guy who is panhandling for spare change in front of Dennys. God, I used to love Van Halen .... hell, I even liked Van Halen with Sammy Hagar (of course, I'll always like the David Lee Roth era much more). I've always maintained that Valerie Bertinelli broke up the original Van Halen. Rumor was that she couldn't stand ole Diamond Dave and tightened the clamps on Eddie's nuts to kick him out the band. Is it a coincidence that some great bands have broken up after a member has gotten married? The Beatles? The Black Crowes? And Van Halen is pretty much done. Again, rumor has it that Ms. Bertinelli pushed for that ass clown known as Gary Cherone to replace Sammy Hagar. Now look at Eddie .... Val has filed for divorce and now he'll be that weird guy at Half-Price books wearing a cape rummaging through $1 paperbacks. All Eddie needs now is a shopping cart, a dog on a piece of rope, and he can officially hang out in front of 7-11 telling kids that he used to be somebody while skaterats totally ignore him as they sip on their Cherry Choke Slurpees. We can only pray that the lead singer of Nickelback is engaged. It worked so well with Creed now that what's his name is making sex tapes even though he was supposed to be in a committed relationship. Aaaahh .... maybe the American Idol contestants will all make a gangbang home video so that some band with talent might be able to grab the spotlight while the show is on "permanent hiatus".

And finally, a cheap quiz to sate my quiz-taking side. I like this one because it makes me feel literate in some sense or manner.

George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four. You are the classic warning against the threat of totalitarianism. To you, politics and philosophy are inseparable, auchtorities suck and the reality might not exist outside our imaginations.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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And one last one ... apparently, I'm a classic....

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Now do the Devil's bidding and take these quizzes!!

The Self-Proclaimed Music Snob With Bad Taste

Much like Rob Gordon, I am a music lover. I personally think American Idol represents all that is wrong with music today. I once worked in a record shop in college. Well, it was a chain record shop, but I absolutely loved it ... except for the fact that they rented movies as well. This was the early 90's when VHS still ruled and no one snickered if you bought a cassette. Unlike Blockbuster, this store would put the movicover out with long plastic bookmarkers carrying the name of the movie, so you just brought the bookmark up to the desk. I spent most of my day locating the bookmarkers for "The Last Temptation of Christ" because the self-appointed thought police in town would come in and hide them so no one could rent it. Great town, huh?

Much to my chagrin, this said store also was the only place to rent pornos in my Bible beating town, so naturally I got all of the town's classiest customers. One customer did make me very uncomfortable. His daughters went to school with us and in fact, my sister was friends with one of his two girls. He came in one night and remembered me because I had given her and my sister a ride home after their band practice. So he starts talking to me like nothing is going on. Unfortunately, one of the procedures I had to follow was to read back the titles of what you were renting to make sure they were actually getting what you wanted. So here is what our conversation went like:

Me: How are you, Mr. P? Did you find what you needed?
Him: I sure did, Cincy. What are you up to these days?
Me: Oh ... I'm going to UNM and I'm home for the summer.
Him: Well, Kristie is looking at going there this fall still. She hasn't decided yet. If she goes, you'll have to show her around campus.
Me. No problem, Mr. P; I'll be more than glad to show her around. It's a huge place and it's so easy to get lost. (awkward pause) So, it looks like you picked up "Ass Burglars 3", "Cumming In Socks", and "On Golden Blonde". Is this is it for you tonight, sir?

So working at the music store gave me a greater appreciation of music, more so than what I already had from my mom's Saturday morning cleaning sessions with the Motown label. So here is a rundown of a few of the things I've been listening to lately...


Morningwood .... this band is great. Aside from the greatest name for a band in a long time, their music is infectious and well .... it's just fucking good. Any band that has a song about taking off your clothes that is used in concert to get audience members naked is fine by me. Plus there is something about the singer's voice that makes me listen. Can anyone explain this to me? Be sure to go to their website (click on their name there) and play "The Wet T-Shirt Game" ... you can win a free copy of their album!



Matisyahu - To be honest, at first glane, you'd think this guy is just ... well, another guy. I would have never suspected he rocks ... but he does! We've all heard "King Without A Crown" and yes, we all jam to it when it's on the radio. Don't lie, fucker! You know you're bobbing your head in tune with the music just like I am.


Fall Out Boy - Any band named after a character on the Simpsons has got to be good, right? Well, I have really liked them since I heard their first single "Dead On Arrival" (hint: click on the link for a free download of the tune) long before the current album hit. But I don't fault them; it's just that everyone else finally caught on to how great they are. So let 'em roll with the success.

The Streets - They've got this really great song out right now called "When You Wasn't Famous". Click on the chav's pic above to get to a link so you can watch the video. It's quite a catchy little diddy.

Otis Redding - For some strange reason, I will just get bored with today's music and seek out something different. I have been in this mood lately for classic R & B and who better than Otis Redding? "These Arms of Mine" and "You Left The Water Running" are 2 absolutely phenomenal tunes that I can't recommend highly enough. Give 'em a shot and download 'em or steal 'em from your mom's collection ... just get them.
Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong - I'm a snob in that I think jazz and blues needs to be old (at least pre-1980). Let me tell you that this album is wonderful. It is one of the best slow, mellow albums you can imagine. The entire album is worth listening to over and over .... and over and over. This was made when feelings and soul were not just words you used to describe this music; it was infused into the melody, the lyrics, and the mood it created. "The Nearness of You" is one of those slow, dreamy tunes that you can imagine yourself listening to on the couch on a Friday night with your significant other. Again, download it, steal it, buy it (at your local independent music store of course a la Rob Gordon) ... but by all means, get this album.

Tan Lines And The Wolfman

I've just finished reading Monkey Love and let me tell you, it's a great book. It's a male version of Bridget Jones. A light read; one of those books you'd stuff in your backpack and read on the plane as you head off for vacation.

In the book he's talking about tan lines in this one portion of the book. He waxes poetic on the beauty of the tan line and how really seductive they are. And I agree with him 110%.

Tan lines are a reminder of that which is forbidden and hidden. We see tan lines and we get a reminder that "This is supposed to be under clothes". In that sense, a tan line is similar to lingerie (or my beloved "liberal" thongs). You know that what you're seeing is normally under clothing and that you're getting a peek at heaven. It sounds silly but it reminds me of those infamous white panties in the Bridget Jones movies (Yeah, I've seen 'em and we'll leave it at that) when I was younger. If I ever got a peek at panties, I nearly busted a seem in my Underoos! There was that charge and excitement and tan lines to an extent still do that to me today! Am I the only one who feels this way about tan lines?

With that being said, let's remember that it's that time of year. The weather is beginning to warm up and so people will be hauling their skin out into the sun.

What does this mean? It means that just because you can tan, you don't have the right or the body necessarily to wear a half shirt. If your gut is reminiscent of Ron Jeremy with his shirt off, don't wear skimpy clothes. If wearing a half-shirt reminds passerbys of butter because they see your rolls, don't wear skimpy clothes. If your lower back look like something out of a 50's werewolf movie, don't wear skimpy clothes (this goes for both sexes; in Cincinnati at our local Kroger worked the cutest girl ... that is until she wore a bellybutton shirt that barely came down to the belt line. She bent over and turned her back one day and suddenly I saw the rebirth of Lon Channey). If your thighs or ass looks like 20 pounds of chewed bubble gum, don't wear a bikini or daisy dukes. Remeber, modesty is usually a good thing!

Look, I know I'm not sexy. I know that no one wants to see the Devil walk around with no shirt out in public. So I do mankind a favor and cover myself. All I ask is the same courtesy of that big 'un that just can't say no to fifths at the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.

Having A Shitty Day Or Do You Really Hate Me?

So I finally watched this show tonight and I loved it. If you haven't seen it yet, WATCH IT!!

I found it a little unsettling I have to admit. I think that we're conditioned in this nation to avoid the questions that race brings with it. I felt that twinge of discomfort every time there is a confrontation between the two fathers. They seem to see the world from two different perspectives.

One point I found particularly uncomfortable is that the white father seems to think that blacks are looking for racism. He seems to be of the opinion that everytime a black man is slighted, the black man thinks it's because of his race while whites might just attribute it to a bad day. I think we've all been in a situation where we've been slighted due to some immutable characteristic that we possess.

When are we being discriminated against due to our race, sex, looks, etc. and when is the offender just having a bad day? That is the million dollar question there. Unfortunately, as I've written before, I've had an experience or two with racism. But there are those borderline incidents and I believe that is where the problem with defining racism begins.

When you've got some shitstain wearing a white hood and burning crosses, it's easy to ferret out the behavior. While we may agree he has the right to freedom of speech, I'd say 99% of people will think Bubba is a brain dead fuck. In other words, it's easy to spot and easy to stamp out. It's those shades of grey (unlike the white hoods) that present the problem.

If a Latino goes into a Macy's and seems to feel he's being followed, is it racism? When a successful black man wearing street clothes is pulled over in his BMW in an exclusive gated community, is that racism? When a white woman goes into an inner city restaurant and is treated with what she considers less than exemplary customer service, is that racism?

Hell .... I don't know. I'll admit, I have no answers; only more questions. But let's face it, there are no answers to most of these things. It truly is in the eye of the beholder, so to speak, as to whether the act in question was racist or not. And people being what they are ... well, we'll never know if those grey areas cross over into racism. Again ... just some random thoughts about the state of race in America today.

My Cat Has Yanni

Say it ain't so!! YANNI arrested? Yahnni beat his girlfriend. I am having a good laugh at this. What in the world can she possibly have done to warrant a beat down from Yanni? Was she listening to Michael Bolton or the equally wussy Josh Groban? Did she finally call him out on his music? Was Yanni acting like Judd Hirsch's dad in the breakrast club: Shut up bitch! Fix me a turkey pot pie. Check out Yanni doing his best gangsta impression; even his mug shot is cheesy! He's not on par with Nick Nolte or James Brown .... damn you Yanni!!

A friend of mine back in the Army always said that Yanni sounds like a cat disease. I always thought his music was more like 2 cats fucking in an alley.

A Peek At My Future

Speaking of great women to continue my thoughts yesterday, my sister Delilah has known I had been sorta feeling down lately. She sent me a care package with my favorite candy (2 bags of Sweet Tarts), a small card, a Just Add Water Girlfriend (sorta like those little dinosaurs you add water to make 'em larger), and 2 picture CDs. She is the best I tell ya.

So looking through the tons of pics, I uploaded a few that seemed to grab me the most. They grab me because these are my nephews and I can see myself in their faces. First of all, to the left here with the big shit-eating grin is my nephew Matthew. He is the mischievous one or as my mom refers to him in Spanish "Travieso". He is my sister Denise's son.

The above pic is of Matthew once again and his older brother, Michael. Michael is a great kid. He completely acts the role of big brother. My sister has some pics of him with her kid, Dominic, where Michael is helping him gather up his X-Mas gifts. My sister Denise swears that Michael is alot like me: his face is always buried in a book with something like dinosaurs and he loves to draw.


And this is the youngest of my nephews, Dominic. He is my sister Delilah's son. He is a great kid and yes, like Matthew, he can be a bit mischievous. Again, I can see my family resemblance in his face and it is crazy. This post is also serving as a warning to anyone who might get involved with me as to what our kids might look like! They'd be adorable, smart, and definitely charmers.

Ballbreakers And A New Holiday

First of all, let's congratulate my friend Jen. She is the newest addition to the full-time academic world. Jen just scored a gig teaching at University in California. She is an amazing person who vastly underrates her own talents and abilities, so please go to her blog and congratulate her.

Speaking of women (I know what you're saying: "great segue"), I just learned that in Hawaii, they celebrate a Japanese/Okinawan holiday called Girls Day. Known as Hina Matsuri, it was originally a day when girls displayed their dolls of the royal court. Like so many other holidays, it now has taken on a life of it's own in the States. Now it's simply a day to celebrate the women in your life.

I have to give praise to women today. You have it tough. Sure, for all of my incessant whining about women having the power in relationships, outside the home it's a fucking war zone. I can't imagine what it must be like for you out there. When I was close to the East Coast Princess, she once told a story about how she sent off some samples of a metal she was working with for her PhD thesis to a machine shop. They returned the sample to the lab but changed her first name to a closely spelled guys name. She said that she ran into this sort of thing all the time: No woman would ever be interested in being an engineer. But she toughed it out and from what I understand now, works a kick ass job.

If I ever have a daughter, I'll have to prepare her for a world that isn't quite ready for a strong woman. Sure .... society gives all the lip service about how a woman can do anything in this world today if she sets her mind to it. But we all know that there is a glass ceiling and some old school men will seek to keep that ceiling in place. I'm going to tell her that she can do it, but that she needs to be prepared to be seen as a bitch by small minded people who will be threatened by her. She may have to be a bitch at times, a ballbreaker at others; but it's necessary to get ahead ahead in this world.

I was lucky to have such an excellent woman in my life. My mother, at one time, was the mousy little housewife who only lived to make sure that my old man had his green chile ready when he got home from work. Once she started working and making her own money, she decided she wasn't going to put up with my dad's bullshit and God bless her for doing it. I've seen my mom become so strong and self-assured during my lifetime. What kind of woman is my mom? A couple of years ago at X-Mas, my brother brought his girlfriend at the time over for the holidays. He decided to take off with his friend for a bit and left her at the house for over 4 hours ... alone. Once my mom found out, she told her, in no uncertain terms that "you NEVER let a man treat you like that. NEVER. I don't care if it's my own son, you never let a man treat you like that." Mom rules like that.

So have a happy belated Girl's Day. I hope you ladies keep plugging away and get ahead. Just remember that even though there are many who will try to keep you down, there are tons of us who think that you're great and find strong women ... well ... pretty damn sexy!