Friday, March 10, 2006

Tan Lines And The Wolfman

I've just finished reading Monkey Love and let me tell you, it's a great book. It's a male version of Bridget Jones. A light read; one of those books you'd stuff in your backpack and read on the plane as you head off for vacation.

In the book he's talking about tan lines in this one portion of the book. He waxes poetic on the beauty of the tan line and how really seductive they are. And I agree with him 110%.

Tan lines are a reminder of that which is forbidden and hidden. We see tan lines and we get a reminder that "This is supposed to be under clothes". In that sense, a tan line is similar to lingerie (or my beloved "liberal" thongs). You know that what you're seeing is normally under clothing and that you're getting a peek at heaven. It sounds silly but it reminds me of those infamous white panties in the Bridget Jones movies (Yeah, I've seen 'em and we'll leave it at that) when I was younger. If I ever got a peek at panties, I nearly busted a seem in my Underoos! There was that charge and excitement and tan lines to an extent still do that to me today! Am I the only one who feels this way about tan lines?

With that being said, let's remember that it's that time of year. The weather is beginning to warm up and so people will be hauling their skin out into the sun.

What does this mean? It means that just because you can tan, you don't have the right or the body necessarily to wear a half shirt. If your gut is reminiscent of Ron Jeremy with his shirt off, don't wear skimpy clothes. If wearing a half-shirt reminds passerbys of butter because they see your rolls, don't wear skimpy clothes. If your lower back look like something out of a 50's werewolf movie, don't wear skimpy clothes (this goes for both sexes; in Cincinnati at our local Kroger worked the cutest girl ... that is until she wore a bellybutton shirt that barely came down to the belt line. She bent over and turned her back one day and suddenly I saw the rebirth of Lon Channey). If your thighs or ass looks like 20 pounds of chewed bubble gum, don't wear a bikini or daisy dukes. Remeber, modesty is usually a good thing!

Look, I know I'm not sexy. I know that no one wants to see the Devil walk around with no shirt out in public. So I do mankind a favor and cover myself. All I ask is the same courtesy of that big 'un that just can't say no to fifths at the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.

11 comments:

DCNats said...

I agree with your spring/summer dressing rules, but I can't go with you on the tan lines... when I was like 10 I saw my babysitter naked. she was like 30, but because she had tanned SO much, she had that very unhealthy looking orange tint that made her look 45. she of course had the requisit bleach blonde hair and dark roots... she washed acid washed jean outfits and had 3 kids from 3 different guys... So when I saw her naked- orange with pale boobs, it ruined the whole tan line expereince for me.

AMS said...

whats your stand on fake tan lines? should one try and carefully smear it on using a bikini as a stencil?

Regina said...

I think everyone should be allowed to wear whatever they want without people getting judgemental. If it hurts SO much to see someone's flesh bulging, DON'T LOOK. Hey, that was easy, wasn't it???

Cincysundevil said...

Dcnats-
You poor guy; it sounds like severe trauma to me. Who ever thought that seeing a woman naked would be such trauma?

Cincysundevil said...

Ams-
Thanks for stopping by! I don't have a problem with fake tan lines either. Just make sure the stencil is on straight so that the lines don't come out looking like a game of tic-tac-toe! I think its hilarious, though, that someone leaves work on Monday and comes back Tuesday as if they've spent a week in the Carribean! Come on ... try to fool me at least.

Cincysundevil said...

Regina-
I agree that people should normally do what they want without repurcussions. I would take Voltaire's stand of "I may not agree with what you wear but I will defend to the death your right to wear it". If someone's self-confidence is that high that they feel they can wear that without problems great. BUT a person can look good without resorting to wearing something so skimpy that I can tell their grooming habits.

sonrisa morena said...

this post reminded me of a guy i dated once...a very very long time ago. I had just gotten back from Ixtapa therefore i had a nice tan going on. I was at his place and i took off my sweater and he got a little peek at my tan lines and he says "hmm? will i get to see the rest of it?" i didn't realize that you men felt that way about tan lines. never did it cross my mind that tan lines were sexy!!! interesante si si muy muy interasante. i hope this weather warms up soon so that i can work on my tan before you get to chicago.

unforgiving b*tch said...

tan lines?

I have the unfortunate ability of having such a mixed background that I have tan lines within 5 minutes of sun...

Therefore, I ALWAYS seem to have tan lines. Now that I know they're sexy, perhaps I should "show them off."

Cincysundevil said...

Sonrisa-
It's amazing how this seems like a secret to women. I think we guys have always had this obsession with that which is supposed to be hidden ... why do you think we get a little jazzed up when the thong peeks up a little bit?

Cincysundevil said...

Unforgiving-
ALWAYS show off the sexy parts of yourself. Trust me, we guys absolutely love it.

quantum_catie said...

I have to say, even if a person HAS the body to pull it off, skimpy is not necessarily flattering. That applies to men and women. Partly because highly provocative clothes say that you're trying too hard. Desperation for attention is never attractive.

It's generally been my experience that people advertise too loudly don't possess any genuine sensuality. Besides, who wants to be with someone who's always wearing a sign that says "come and get it".