Thursday, March 16, 2006

Lazy Shoeless Fucks and Dogs On Ropes

Remember watching Sesame Street as a kid? They would have that "one of these things is not like the other" skit. So in the spirit of picking out things that aren't quite right, take a look at the pic to the left. So what is wrong with it? Let's see: Jackfuck has went through the trouble to grab his M-60, put on his best Bugle Boy polo, and even wears a ski mask to hide his identity. So why in the fuck can't this fucking moron put on a pair of shoes? He's out shooting and fighting in sandals ... guess this genius doesn't plan on running away. If he did, he'd be easy to find .... just follow the "clip clop" sound from his fake Birkenstocks.

Speaking of things that just don't look right, what the hell is wrong with Eddie Van Halen? He looks like that homeless guy who is panhandling for spare change in front of Dennys. God, I used to love Van Halen .... hell, I even liked Van Halen with Sammy Hagar (of course, I'll always like the David Lee Roth era much more). I've always maintained that Valerie Bertinelli broke up the original Van Halen. Rumor was that she couldn't stand ole Diamond Dave and tightened the clamps on Eddie's nuts to kick him out the band. Is it a coincidence that some great bands have broken up after a member has gotten married? The Beatles? The Black Crowes? And Van Halen is pretty much done. Again, rumor has it that Ms. Bertinelli pushed for that ass clown known as Gary Cherone to replace Sammy Hagar. Now look at Eddie .... Val has filed for divorce and now he'll be that weird guy at Half-Price books wearing a cape rummaging through $1 paperbacks. All Eddie needs now is a shopping cart, a dog on a piece of rope, and he can officially hang out in front of 7-11 telling kids that he used to be somebody while skaterats totally ignore him as they sip on their Cherry Choke Slurpees. We can only pray that the lead singer of Nickelback is engaged. It worked so well with Creed now that what's his name is making sex tapes even though he was supposed to be in a committed relationship. Aaaahh .... maybe the American Idol contestants will all make a gangbang home video so that some band with talent might be able to grab the spotlight while the show is on "permanent hiatus".

And finally, a cheap quiz to sate my quiz-taking side. I like this one because it makes me feel literate in some sense or manner.
George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four. You are the classic warning against the threat of totalitarianism. To you, politics and philosophy are inseparable, auchtorities suck and the reality might not exist outside our imaginations.

Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
And one last one ... apparently, I'm a classic....

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Now do the Devil's bidding and take these quizzes!!


JHD said...

Yes, master. *rolls eyes* (Did them anyway before I saw your command to do them).

As for your felon there, I would guess he's a college student (probably at Michigan) who is trying to pass his final exam in "Freedom Fighting" 101.

A. Estella Sassypants said...

That's not Eddie Van Halen. Can't be. No way. OH MY GOD! That's insane. I can't look (away).


DCNats said...

so... I'm a Virginia Wolfe Novel, Orlando- a book I've never read... and I'm also a Porsche 911, a car I couldn't comfortably fit into.

that Eddie Van Halen picture is disturbing.

NML said...

I've got the music for "one of these things is not like the other" stuck in my head now!

Chelle said...

That was Eddie Van Halen? WTF?

I love Sesame Street.

MsAbcMom said...

I am a Corvette too - who knew!

I just can't believe that is Eddie Van Halen! OMG! He looks more like Great, Great, Grandaddy Van Halen.

I loved Sesame Street too. Ernie was/is my favorite character. Why? He was a cute little trickster!

Lindsay said...

I tried visiting your blog yesterday and there was crazy code everywhere! AHHH!

sonrisa morena said...

holy crap!! that's Eddie Van Halen!!! damn, he look bad!!

survey says!?!?!...
Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a mystery novel dealing with theology, especially with catholic vs liberal issues. You search wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that learning is essential in life.

interesante si si muy muy interesante...

MoDigli said...

Oh my! Eddie Van Halen - what the hell happened?!!! Your assessment of him as a homeless guy was tragically right on. Poor Eddie. *shudder*

Cincysundevil said...

Oh no ... you went to Miami; you shouldn't be taking stabs at Michigan!

What's the quickest way to get an Ohio State grad off of your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

Cincysundevil said...

It's like a car wreck ... you don't wanna look but you gotta

Cincysundevil said...

Never read Orlando myself .. but it was made into a movie. Perhaps a Movie Vault Tuesday review upcoming??

Cincysundevil said...

Well, now you'll associate me in some way in your head too ;)

Cincysundevil said...

Sesame Street rocked! I love how now all these celebs are making appearances. REM doing Shiny, Happy Monsters was the best

Cincysundevil said...

We're classics ... is that really just a nice way to say we're old? I hope not!!

Cincysundevil said...

It was driving me nuts myself!!

Cincysundevil said...

You are a very complex and intelligent novel it sounds like. I'm basically a dreary and paranoid little treatise myself

Cincysundevil said...

Isn't it tragic? We're reaching that point in our lives where we'll start to see some of those stars we grew up with starting to kick off.