Friday, March 03, 2006

Stupid Inteview Techniques, Why I Hate Tyra, and Other Random Thoughts

I'm writing about everything I can think about today so if this is garbled .. well forgive me

I've gotta tell you ... some companies have way too much fucking money these days. I found this out by going on these interviews and let me tell you, they are completely assinine. I have had to submit handwriting samples to 2 different law firms. I have had to take a logic game quiz (with questions like "which word means the same or opposite as .. " or "what number comes next in this sequence") for a job within an insurance company's legal department. I have been asked what were the last 2 books I read and the last 2 movies I watched. Like Lindsay said, I hate the "Where do you see yourself in 5 years question"; I just wanna tell the guy "Well sir, actually, I'll have your job in 5 years." I'm quite sure there will be a polygraph one of these days asking questions about things like if I've ever had sex with an animal (I was actually asked that question during my security clearance interview in the Army). I'm only hoping that there will never be the anal probe ... although you never know what a bored fuck in with a corner window office might think of.
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Anther thing, I hate Tyra Banks. Oh she seems harmless and nice enough. But rarely have I seen such a self-centered person in all of my life. She's almost passive aggressive nice. What kills me about her fucking show is that no matter what the problem, she always has to bring the attention back to herself. Mind you, I've only seen the show a few times but it's always like this. She could have a guest with elephantitis of the nutsack and she'd somehow equate being a model to this deformity. I've seen this airhead shed crocodile tears over every possible injustice done to mankind all the while comparing it to her pressure filled life of being a model. Yeah .... give me personal trainers, personal dietician, six figures a year, and let's see just how "miserable" I am. Hell, for all of that, I'd give the cleaning crew a hand at the end of the night ... I know how to use a broom and mop.
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Why are there some movies that no matter how many times I watch them, I still hope for a different ending. I watched A Civil Action and still hope that Travolta and his law firm don't go belly up. Why do we do this? I know damn well what is going on and yet I still hope that they get smart and take the money from the evil corporations that keep Bush and his cronies afloat. I know the ending ; I've got the book and tore through it in like 2 days. But just like that cousin you hardly speak of with his trench coat hanging out at a Chuck E. Cheese, I just don't learn.
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Like an idiot, I decided to eat at McDonalds on a Saturday afternoon. So I'm stuck with every parent who insists that their child is the shining star so much so that mom & dad are willing to elbow other small kids who might stand a little too close to the counter so they can exchange princess' Happy Meal toy. It's a fucking living hell. But even worse, I saw quite possibly the cheesiest thing; it was quite 80's. I was in line behind some guy wearing a black leather jacket in 70 degree weather, cheesy black motorcycle boots like a Harley rider might wear, and jeans. Aaaaahhhhh, but these weren't just any jeans; they had a rip on one knee .... well, not a rip. See, this jackfuck had atually cut the jeans himself with a pair of scissors. You could tell this because the cut was far too neat, there was no shredding of the material, and the jeans were fairly new. This was quite easily the cheesiest thing I have seen since people who actually care about American Idol .... and with that, I will leave you my friends.

9 comments:

Brookelina said...

I will be requiring you to fill out a questionnaire for when we get married. The sex with animal question will be on there, so start preparing your answer now.

NML said...

I watch the Tyra show and I must admit that I do find her rather self-absorbed. I always found her this way even on America's Next Top Model. I still like both shows as there is something strangely riveting about someone so delusional ;-)

jennifer said...

my roommate wants to know why you're watching the tyra banks talk show.

i have to agree with you on that though. i *want* to like tyra, but there is something about her that doesn't quite sit well wtih me. i think it's the outrageous amount of narcissism that you so aptly point out.

that's always very charming. ;)

sonrisa morena said...

holy crap!!! you should take deep breaths once in while...

Cincysundevil said...

Brooke-
I will gladly answer any and all questions as long as you'll have me.

Cincysundevil said...

NML-
I think you've described my thoughts about Tyra perfectly. It somehow is all about her despite anyone else's problems.

Cincysundevil said...

Jen-
Watching Tyra is one of those things I tried because you never know when you might come across the next Maury or Springer (both of which I'm a huge fan of as cheesy as they are).

Charming? Me? Oh you! I'm totally blushing now!

Cincysundevil said...

Sonrisa-
OK ... (breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out ... wait a minute, why is this fuck staring at me while I'm doing breathing exercises ... look at him .... he looks like that kid from Doogie Howser, Vinnie ... now this is another thing I hate ... so much for deep breathing!!)

Chelle said...

Have to laugh. Hard.

My friends and I compare Tyra to a train wreck. You can't help but stare.

And yet, my friends and I will watch her show if we see a Tyra Show ad where we think, "ok, she can't possibly make this show about her." But of course she does.