My Last Days in Hell

Let me give you a bit of background of what my last few days in Ohio were like.

I decided some time ago to leave my job. The only question was going to be when. I decided to put in the 2 week notice about the middle of November. When I did this, I was then told that I didn't need to give a 2 week notice, that it was more of a formality. But I decided to make the 28th my last day and use my remaining vacation days.

Now, it turns out that using those last 3 vacation days was a horrible choice. Now, we have a vacation plan that allows you to purchase additional vacation days at a rate of about $30 a pay period (every 2 weeks) for 5 extra days. So, I am assuming that my final pay check will be near what I normally make minus 2 days, right?

WRONG AS HELL!!!! I lost nearly $350 for leaving 2 days early ... to start with. Next, the way the vacation time is calculated is completely different when you leave. I expected to lose about $100 for the vacation. Nope; I lost another $225 for the vacation. This puts my finances in a serious funk for now. I am totally screwed financially thanks to some creative calculating by my old company.

On top of that, the folks at Goodwill absolutely love me now. I must've donated over $300 worth of stuff to those folks. I think I made 3 trips to drop off things I wasn't going to take with me. All of this and it was so cold in Ohio, my nuts literally retracted completely into my body cavity. I get to Atlanta and guess what? It's rainy and cold ... oy vey!!!

I Wish I Was This Cool ....

This is so appropriate. So many of my female friends have commented how some old boyfriend will call them up out of the blue, just like Rob calling Charlie (Katherine Zeta Jones) in the movie. I tell them it's for one of two things, 1. Either to hook back up (bootie call or rekindle the old flame) or 2. Trying to figure out what is wrong with him.

Which John Cusack Are You?

The Devil Went Down To Georgia

Why yes ... yes he did!!

It finally happened true-believers. I finally left that job that was sucking the very life and soul out of me. The job that inspired many in the past to seek out positions with less pay. The job that had such an incredibly high turnover rate forcing more senior folks back into the phones when they hadn't answered calls in years. The job that had people leaving the company despite not having a job lined up. Yep, that job.

I have a cousin down here, LT. When I first moved to Phoenix to attend Arizona State, I lived with him and his wife, KR. It was a great time actually. Being as gossipy as I am, LT and KR are every bit as gossipy. So just about every night, we'd go sit in the back yard, have a drink, and gossip about our work, family, friends. and whatever topic came up. I really had a great time and they've always commented how they miss those days.

Fast forward 4 years from that time. They have now moved to the Atlanta area, just bought a great new home and have been asking me to move down here since last summer. I kept saying "no" at first because I somehow, in my delusional train of thought, believed I could move up in the company if I had the will. Well, we now see what that got me.

I just couldn't take much more of what was going on in Ohio. The lack of socially exciting things to do, lack of people who weren't married, lack of culture. I was literally on the phone everyday with my headset on mute muttering to myself "Fuck this, I fucking hate this fucking job. I would rather eat my own fucking teeth than have to do this the rest of my life." Imagine ... going to a job where every day you walk away with your jaw clenched in sheer disgust.

So, I took LT's and KR's advice moved my tubby ass to the South. I've been here a week and things aren't going too bad. The big problem is finding a job. I left Dayton without one and applying for a job in a city you haven't moved to yet is dicey at best. No one wants to interview you until you get to Atlanta, so I'm here and I'm starting up the job hunt. I've had a couple of interviews, but no job offers yet. So right now, looking for a job is a full-time job.

I've got to say, not working sucks. It's nice to have down time, but it's also making me feel sorta anxious. I know I will get something and maybe not until like January, but still, it is making me crazy right now.

So if anyone still reads this ..... I'm back and I'll be back to my usual rants soon enough.

How My Work Is Like A Retirement Community

In the midst of regaling some of my friends at work with one of my doubtless witty stories, I made the comment that when I get off work, I would go home. Unbeknownst to my brain, my tongue blurted out that I would go to "the home". This of course led to JHD commenting "The home? What are you in a retirement home?" I did note however that working here is like a retirement community. Don't believe me? Let the Devil explain it to you ....

1. Our day is defined by breaks and meals. Much like your aunt that your family callously threw into the hands of ex-cons posing as nursing staff who rifle through her goods during arts & crafts hour, we too measure our time by events during the day. For instance, we're tied to the phone as some elderly are confined to rooms. So we look forward to those 15 minutes when our tether is cut loose. During meals, we tend to migrate to our little cubby hole and simply stare blankly at our computers eating bland tasteless slabs of meat between bread. Trust me, when I get my lunch break, I am counting down how long 'til I leave this hell hole to go home.

2. We have field trips. We don't get those nifty field trips to Denny's for the early bird specials or to the nickel slots in Vegas. However, we do have the same sort of "team" day activities complete with games that even the most slovenly of us can compete in. Such athletic endeavors include walking over to touch a wall, the 10 yard brisk walk, donut gorging, and sitting for hours on end. Unfortunately, my request for seated "exercises" with Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart" have largely gone unheeded.

3. We have alot of shit to deal with. I would kill for some Depends with all of the bullshit I have to put up with some days. I don't know what's worse; having shit physically around my ass in a plastic diaper or having shit fed into my ear by the lazy, ill-mannered, socially inept, or unscrupulous legal community.

4. If you piss yourself, no one notices. Well, not really but it relates to that old saying: Doing a good job here is like pissing yourself wearing black pants, it gives you a warm feeling but no one notices.

5. Our days is planned to the minute. The elderly get shuffleboard or crafts time planned down to the minute. We get the same without the enjoyment; basically it's like this: 8-9 Answer jackass phone calls, 9-10 Answer moronic phone calls, 10-11 Answer braindead fuckhead calls ... you get the idea.

The Gas Situation

Lindsay shed some light on the gas situation right now. If I remember hearing this correctly, the Saudis did tell us they won't be able to meet our oil / gas needs starting in 2015. Isn't that a hint and a half for the jackass in the White House to really start investigatin alternative energy sources?

Well, I've decided to post Lindsay's response. It's pretty eye opening....

Cincy! $36 for HALF a tank??? Dear God!!!

Basically, there's a ton of factors that are causing this spike in gas prices. First, demand for oil has skyrocketed. The Indian and Chinese economies are using up a TON of oil and will continue to do so in the future (an interesting aside, checkout the fight between their state oil companies for oil in the Caspian). U.S. oil demand is also expected to grow. Even with these high gas prices...people are still buying H2s so they can navigate the mean streets of their suburbs.

Oil producers can't keep up with this demand. This isn't like the 1970s, when the shocks were due to a political embargo by OPEC. Bush can "pressure" all he wants, but OPEC members are pumping at full capacity. OPEC (nor Russia) itself isn't a huge fan of these high prices...Russia would usually like to see $30-35 barrel. They're afraid that if oil prices are too high, it will cause a rcession, demand will drop, resulting in huge economic losses for them (and oil is the ONLY income for these countries, so it's disastrous) so they are pumping all they can to bring some equilibrium back to the market. Iraq won't be producing at full capacity for awhile...pipelines are constantly blown up, and many oil-producing countries aren't politically stable - rioting workers, shutdown refineries, etc. The areas where oil is cheap and easy to produce are drying out, whereas there is a ton of oil under the Caspian and the permafrost of Siberia, but it's extremely expensive to get out of the ground.

Of course, cars don't run on oil - it has to be refined into gasoline, which is another problem. There haven't been any refineries built in the U.S. since the 1970s. People don't want them in their communities, and oil companies don't want to build them - they're expensive and the profit margins from refining aren't that high (hard to believe, eh? lol). So, a huge growth in gas use, and no new refineries that can keep up with this. Also, states have different rules on what can and can't be added to gas. In California, for instance, the gas prices are always higher due to environmental regulations that stipulate the gas has to be "cleaner." So companies can only sell this specially refined gas in that state and can't draw on stocks from say, Texas.

And on top of this, the Gulf region is devastated...they produce a third of U.S. domestic oil supply...that's 1.5 million barrels a day that aren't reaching the market. Refineries are sitting under several feet of water, oil rigs are drifing around...it will be awhile before production is up again.

When I eventually have enough money to buy a car, I seriously think it will be a hybrid...I don't see these prices going away anytime soon.

Hope that helped...off to the pub now! :)

I think I need to head to the pub myself; working here sucks ass!!!

Don't Blame Me ....

I've waited a while to really throw it the face of my friends who are denziens of the Anti-Christ, but now I get to say it.... Don't blame me, I voted for Kerry!!!

God, that is so sweet to be able to say it. With a 38% approval rating for the Anti-Christ, hopefully this is the beginning of the end of the Evil Empire.

I topped off the Jeep last night. I had a little under 1/2 a tank. It was the strangest thing to see the amount going up so quickly and the gallons creeping up. My total? $36.00; thankg God I had a 1/2 tank already or it would've easily crept towards $60.00.

Actually, I am hoping Lindsay can shed some light on this. She is a grad student in London who is studying exactly these sorts of issues. So be sure to check the comments section because I'll see if I can cajole her into giving us an explanation as to what is going on.

You Just Gotta Let Some Shit Slide

Isn't this like calling a mentally challenged kid for double dribble? You just gotta let some things slide.

Garfunkel Busted For Pot

Come on now .... this is like arresting Tyson for getting his ass kicked in a fight.

This is like arresting a horny drunk guy for nailing Rosie O.

This is like giving a Southern Baptist hell for not having sex standing up because he believes its too much like dancing.

This is like laughing at fat, Wal-Mart shopping, mini-van driving housewives for buying Josh Groban CD's.

This is like getting pissed off because the directions that the hilljack gave you included "turn off the paved road".

This is like expecting a "pleasant dining experience" at a McDonalds.

Some shit you just gotta let slide.......

I'm Da Man

Thanks to Mo for this one! I guess I'm much more debonair than I thought!

Cary Grant You scored 21% Tough, 0% Roguish, 42% Friendly, and 38% Charming!

You are the epitome of charm and style, the smooth operator who steals the show with your sophisticated wit, quiet confidence and flirty sense of humor. You are able to catch any woman you want just by flashing that disarming smile, even if you're flashing it at a kindly aunt or engaging child at the time. When you walk into a room, women are instantly intrigued and even the men are impressed, but you're too nice a guy to steal anyone else's girl...unless the guy deserves it. You're stylish, yes, but you can also be a little bit nutty. However, you're primarily seen as dashing, suave and romantic. Your co-stars include Katharine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, and Grace Kelly, stylish women with a sense of fun. Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 33% on Tough You scored higher than 0% on Roguish You scored higher than 78% on Friendly You scored higher than 80% on Charming

Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid

The Devil's Music Wet Dream

As if you needed another good reason to listen to WOXY Vintage, they've now released the Modern Rock 500 list. This is a like a wet dream for me with my musical tastes. Admittedly, some of these bands I wasn't much into but I do plan on going back and listening to these tunes. I've only listed the Top 150, so there are another 350 for you to explore and love .... kinda like that first time you decided to rub one out ......

1	Joy Division	Love Will Tear Us Apart
2	Nirvana	Smells Like Teen Spirit
3	The Smiths	How Soon Is Now?
4	Sex Pistols	Anarchy In The UK
5	The Ramones	Blitzkrieg Bop
6	Pixies	Monkey Gone To Heaven
7	Jane's Addiction	Been Caught Stealing
8	U2	New Year's Day
9	R.E.M.	Radio Free Europe
10	The Stone Roses	I Wanna Be Adored
11	The Clash	London Calling
12	Pearl Jam	Alive
13	Radiohead	Creep
14	Sex Pistols	God Save The Queen
15	Nine Inch Nails	Head Like A Hole
16	New Order	Blue Monday
17	Talking Heads	Psycho Killer
18	Violent Femmes	Blister In The Sun
19	The Police	Roxanne
20	Red Hot Chili Peppers	Under The Bridge
21	Jane's Addiction	Jane Says
22	Pearl Jam	Jeremy
23	Green Day	Longview
24	Beck	Loser
25	Faith No More	Epic
26	Nirvana	In Bloom
27	Blondie	Heart Of Glass
28	The B-52's	Rock Lobster
29	Beastie Boys	Fight For Your Right
30	Fugazi	Waiting Room
31	U2	With Or Without You
32	David Bowie	Space Oddity
33	Depeche Mode	Personal Jesus
34	The Ramones	I Wanna Be Sedated
35	Pixies	Where Is My Mind?
36	Weezer	Undone - The Sweater Song
37	Iggy Pop	Lust For Life
38	Smashing Pumpkins	Today
39	Bauhaus	Bela Lugosi's Dead
40	Elvis Costello	Radio Radio
41	Red Hot Chili Peppers	Give It Away
42	Lou Reed	Walk On The Wild Side
43	Husker Du	Makes No Sense At All
44	Pixies	Here Comes Your Man
45	Radiohead	Paranoid Android
46	Television	Marquee Moon
47	Patti Smith	Dancing Barefoot
48	U2	Sunday Bloody Sunday
49	My Bloody Valentine	Only Shallow
50	Sonic Youth	Teenage Riot
51	Talking Heads	Burning Down The House
52	The Clash	Train In Vain
53	The Replacements	Alex Chilton
54	The Stooges	I Wanna Be Your Dog
55	Dead Milkmen	Bitchin' Camaro
56	Elvis Costello	"(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding "
57	Psychedelic Furs	Pretty In Pink
58	Nine Inch Nails	Hurt
59	R.E.M.	It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
60	Beastie Boys	Sabotage
61	Pearl Jam	Even Flow
62	Public Enemy	Bring The Noise
63	The Cure	Boys Don't Cry
64	Bob Marley	"Get Up, Stand Up"
65	The White Stripes	Seven Nation Army
66	XTC	Dear God
67	Devo	(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
68	New Order	Bizarre Love Triangle
69	Lo Fidelity All Stars	Battle Flag
70	David Bowie	Changes
71	Blondie	Rapture
72	U2	Pride (In The Name Of Love)
73	Gary Numan	Cars
74	Nirvana	Come As You Are
75	Pavement	Cut Your Hair
76	Modern English	I Melt With You
77	Blur	Song 2
78	Radiohead	Fake Plastic Trees
79	Oasis	Wonderwall
80	The Velvet Underground	Sweet Jane
81	R.E.M.	Losing My Religion
82	Lenny Kravitz	Are You Gonna Go My Way?
83	Camper Van Beethoven	Take The Skinheads Bowling
84	Modest Mouse	Float On
85	Talking Heads	Take Me To The River
86	The Cure	Just Like Heaven
87	Folk Implosion	Natural One
88	Nirvana	All Apologies
89	Eurythmics	Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)
90	Weezer	Say It Ain't So
91	David Bowie	Suffragette City
92	The Jesus And Mary Chain	Just Like Honey
93	Nine Inch Nails	Closer
94	Beck	Where It's At
95	The Cure	Love Song
96	Elvis Costello	Alison
97	The Clash	Rock The Casbah
98	Primus	Tommy The Cat
99	Jeff Buckley	Last Goodbye
100	Boomtown Rats	I Don't Like Mondays
101	Green Day	Welcome To Paradise
102	Smashing Pumpkins	Disarm
103	Depeche Mode	People Are People
104	Bob Marley	Jamming
105	Talking Heads	Life During Wartime
106	The Clash	Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
107	The Velvet Underground	Rock & Roll
108	Weezer	Hash Pipe
109	Nirvana	Heart-Shaped Box
110	Devo	Whip It
111	Soundgarden	Black Hole Sun
112	Siouxsie & The Banshees	Cities In Dust
113	Elvis Costello	Pump It Up
114	U2	One
115	The Flaming Lips	Do You Realize?
116	The Breeders	Cannonball
117	The Cult	She Sells Sanctuary
118	Beastie Boys	So What'cha Want
119	Tori Amos	Silent All These Years
120	The Jesus And Mary Chain	Head On
121	R.E.M.	The One I Love
122	The Postal Service	Such Great Heights
123	Dead Kennedys	Holiday In Cambodia
124	Afghan Whigs	Rebirth Of The Cool
125	Cake	The Distance
126	The Jam	Town Called Malice
127	The Cure	In Between Days
128	The Verve	Bittersweet Symphony
129	Radiohead	Karma Police
130	Matthew Sweet	Girlfriend
131	The Police	Message In A Bottle
132	Coldplay	Clocks
133	James	Laid
134	Squeeze	Tempted
135	Cracker	Low
136	Social Distortion	Ball And Chain
137	R.E.M.	Orange Crush
138	Jim Carroll Band	People Who Died
139	The Dandy Warhols	Bohemian Like You
140	Joe Jackson	Is She Really Going Out With Him?
141	Kate Bush	Running Up That Hill
142	Pulp	Common People
143	Public Image Limited	Rise
144	Screaming Trees	Nearly Lost You
145	Faith No More	We Care A Lot
146	Pixies	Gigantic
147	Oasis	Live Forever
148	Radiohead	Just
149	Modest Mouse	Ocean Breathes Salty
150	Killing Joke	Eighties

By the way, #68 and #86 are probably my 2 all-time faves. Now, get off your ass and go listen!!

Apparently Jesus Packs Heat

Pat Robertson ... idiot extraordinaire. What more do I need to say? A man of God calling for the assasination of a foreign leader who is one of the most outspoken critics of the US.

What seems to be lost in all of the hubbub is that Roberston pretty much acknowledges that the war in Iraq is over oil and nothing else. His comment?

You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war. And I don't think any oil shipments will stop.

He is worried about oil shipments? WTF?!?!? Apparently the taking of a man's life is of little importance because we need oil to keep those God-fearing companies like Shell and Exxon in business so they can do the Lord's work. I seem to have forgotten that Jesus was out trying to start wars over oil and in the interests of only his small corner of the Earty, pitting the Galileans against Bethlehemians. How could I have forgotten the God of trickle down economics when we have such great men of God like Robertson?

Where is the Conservative outrage that this man is somehow implying that the Iraq war is over oil? Oh I forgot, it's okay for him. Obviously, there are 2 sets of standards at work here: Those for Bush and Those Against Bush.

This is also the guy who commented that a small nuke should be used on Foggy Bottom, VA where the State department is set up. Or follow this moron's logical progression. He goes from this:

A Supreme Court ruling is not the Law of the United States. The law of the United Sates is the Constitution, treaties made in accordance with the Constitution, and laws duly enacted by the Congress and signed by the president. And any of those things I would uphold totally with all of my strength, whether I agreed with them or not.... I am bound by the laws of the United States and all 50 states ... [but] I am not bound by any case or any court to which I myself am not a party.... I don't think the Congress of the United States is subservient to the courts.... They can ignore a Supreme Court ruling if they so choose.
-- Pat Robertson, speaking to a group of Washington Post writers, as reported in the Washington Post, June 27,1986

To this ...
Supreme Court decisions are binding in the court systems ... but in terms of general law, which binds every citizen, why should you and I be bound because of the ineptitude, if you will, or the skill of one or more defense lawyers, or the plaintiffs in any particular lawsuit?
-- Pat Robertson, The 700 Club television program, October 23, 1987. No wonder he couldn't pass the Bar Exam: any decision by a court at the federal level becomes law, binding upon all citizens.

Wow, I wish I had learned this brilliant piece during law school. I could've just said, "I"m sorry but you have to give me an A+ because the law doesn't apply to me." What a fucktard this guy is......