The question I pose to you all is this: Why do you stay in a relationship that you know is ultimately bad for you? I have been pondering this for days now, especially since I've had assloads of time at the giftshop between boredom and helping middle-aged man with his tucked in polo decide if he wants a bag of chips or a copy of Hustler to take back to his room. I've actually taken up my journal again and I've discovered that when you don't actually physically write much, your hand begins to hurt like hell after a few minutes.Back to the topic, I've examined this over and over in my mind. A couple of distinct possibilities come up with one being quite shallow and simplistic. I'll get the ugly one over with: The Girl was attractive, hot, sexy ... whatever words you want to insert. Was she as difficult as trying to describe calculus to one of the Bush twins? Even more so. But let's face it; when you date someone attractive, it's a bit harder to end it. You rationalize a bit more, you tend to put up with shit a bit more. It's horrible, but that did play a part.
The second reason is a bit more selfish in a sense. The Girl and her son showed me how great having a family could be. She and her son had their little routines and they simply transitioned me into these things. For instance, every Friday is movie and dinner night for the two of them. They hit Blockbuster for 2 movies (one for him and one for her for later). Then they either order pizza or Chinese and get snacks for the night. Then they get settled in front of the TV by setting out sleeping bags, comforters, pillows and they watch their movies, eat dinner, snack, and fall asleep right there later. I was completely taken in by this. On top of this were the everyday things you do as a family like going to the grocery store, her son's school presentations, and so on. This really is the biggest reason why it was very hard to just end things.
As I begin the next stage of my life, I've decided I need to make a list of things I am going to do so that I can have some very definite set goals to strive for. So without further babbling, I give you my quick list of immediate goals:
1. Get a good job: No more of these waiting hand and foot on some businessguy who thinks that the world revolves around his balding ass. Charging Cornnuts and a copy of Shaved Snits on your corporate card doesn't make you some sort of God ... it makes you horny and your breath reeks something fierce.
2. Hit Ireland in May: My friend is getting married in Ireland in May. I've talked already about this but I certainly plan on being lit at a wedding and hitting on bridesmaids. I will certainly be the darkest person there so maybe some drunk guest might let me slip my hand up that lime green creation she'll only wear once. Plus, I'd be so drunk at that point that I probably wouldn't notice if she had a better 5 o'clock shadow than Collin Farrel.
3. Do a grand tour of the West: This is a must within the next year. I need to go see my friends back in Phoenix and take a hike up A-Mountain (as in the pic). Plus a quick trip to Vegas so I can hit every sleazy casino and dive with YNH. And naturally, a quick trip to New Mexico will be in order. I figure if I would take the bar there, I should make a trip out there sometime. Plus, I would sell my grandmother to the gypsies right now for some good Mexican food, so this tour would be well timed for her safety. Maybe I'll make a stop one night in Austin if there is anyone cool to visit there (J/K).
4. Take the bar: This is a goal for the next year or two. Taking the bar is no cheap proposition; roughly about $800 for the New Mexico bar, plus with all of the other little things, it would easily come to over a grand. Then there is the matter of taking your prep course, which also would set you back about $1400. I might have to start stripping ... only this time for money. I could go back to my old job as the "Before" model in those ads for diet pills.
5. Get into shape: I've been out of the gym for about 2 months now. It's time to get serious again. Luckily, when I bust my ass, I drop weight as quickly as an evangelical drops off that hooker he picked up during one of his trips for "saving souls".
6. Make more friends here: I feel pretty good about this one. I can make friends pretty easily once I start working someplace or start getting out. I did sign up for an organization that I think we could all benefit from called Drinking Liberally. It looks like a group of people that get together to discuss politics (if you think Bush is what America needs, this group sooooooo isn't for you) and get drunk. Plus, Atlanta has an assload of great concerts and I don't want to be that creepy guy at a show by himself hanging out at the bar trying to pick up high school girls ... but then again, when I hit a show like Jimmy Eat World with Deeesguy, there were only about 20 of us that could drink legally at the show besides the band.
7 Piss off more of the Bush crowd: I plan to get involved in politics in some way shape or form. Maybe I'll just do something small like this idea I picked up off of the Cincinnati Drinking Liberally blog. Or maybe I'll just go all out and become the liberal Karl Rove, except I'll spread the truth. ML would hate me for doing this ... but then again, it's not her concern anymore. I can always buy stuff from here. Or I'll wear this. This is going on my new car. My dreamgirl would wear this and I'd love her for it!!
8. Get a new car: Maybe not a new car, but I do like trucks or SUV's. Yeah, I know ... it's pretty hypocritical for me being the liberal I am to drive a truck or SUV. How I see it is that I'll actually use my truck or SUV for what it is intended. I take my Jeep out camping or to the mountains, especially when I live out west. I won't be one of these jackfucks driving an Expedition that hasn't so much as passed by a dirt road much less been on one.
9 Get Deeesguy to start a blog: Trust me on this one, folks. He'll comment now and then but Deeesguy is a funny guy. I think if we all put the pressure on him, he might cave in and start writing. So this is sort of a write in campaign.
So these are some immediate goals. Sure they're self centered and sorta shallow, but right now after ML, I believe I need to focus on me. So whadda ya think?
12 comments:
You're not self-centered and shallow for focusing on your needs.
It's smart.
As my mom always told me, you need to take care of yourself -- no one else is going to do it for you.
Hey -- I'm going to Phoenix at the end of the month for a few days to see a friend of mine...as it will be my first visit there, anything I should check out?
i think the list sounds great! i'm a big fan of doing things for me or, in this case "you" are the "me." you know what i mean. ;)
but i was reading #3 thinking, he's going to say "austin," right? i'll be so offended if you don't swing by. your MAMA is in texas, boy! you'd better get your liberal ass down here!
there is a saying in spanish, "la custumbre es mas fuerte que el amor". I totally agree with that!! sometimes you stay in a relationship because you have already gotten so used being with that person. You may care alot for this person but you know you are not in love, yet as bad as the relationship may be you continue with the relationshp. why? because that's what you're used to.
I know that i stayed in the relationship with my abuser because i was already use to that. may sound twisted but here's how i justified me staying with him...
1)i was afraid to be alone. yes he
hit me but that would pass, at least thats i would tell myself.
2)i would much rather be with him then having to deal with me going out to find someone else. i kept telling myself that i had INVESTED so much time and energy on this person and i was not willing to let all that go to waste. having to meet someone new was frightening and it takes alot of work!! come on!! you have to go out, start talking to people, deal with the rejections and then when you finally find someone you have to deal with opening up again!! i get exhausted just thinking about it.
3)there was this little hope..a tiny little bit of hope that he might change!!! i think that's why we stay so long in a bad relationship too...we all have that tiny little bit of hope of change.
taking care of yourself does not making you shallow!!!be selfish, gosh darn it!!!
listen to Sonrisa, she knows what she's talking about... and you're right, guys will put up with so much more from a hot girl- it's wrong but true.
I say drop the drama and focus on you. btw, I thought you would be married for sure by now! How long did you stay with this ML chick? Are you in Georgia or Ohio?
The attractive definitely get away with more. That's why I get dumped at the drop of a hat. I guarantee Brad Pitt never got dumped for some of the reasons I have.
Unforgiving-
I would say hit the area around Arizona State, but from what I understand, it's become nothing but an area of chain stores. I'd say hit Old Town Scottsdale. Definitely go see Papago Park. And if you're friend can find it, there is an out of the way bar called the Monastery which is the most mellow awesome place.
Jen-
When I head out west, I'll take my liberal ass down to Austin. My mom has always told me I'd love Austin too. I'll be expecting a grand tour of the city!
Sonrisa-
Wow, you so hit the nail on the head for so much of what was going on with ML. I kept clinging to hope but I was always let down. And the invested thing is funny because I've told so many people that simply because you're invested, you shouldn't expect a return!
Dcnats-
It's sad isn't it? Attractive people get away with so much more.
Natalia-
I had been with ML on and off for over a year. And I'm in Georgia now. Me, married? I'd be lucky to find someone who'd have me!!
YNH-
Trust me, I know what you're going through. I probably couldn't get a nun to escort me to mass these days.
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