Cotton Panties and Last Night's Meatloaf

Our always effervescent Sonisa saw one of my fave movies of all time this past week or so and had a completely different opinion about it than I did. She finally caught "High Fidelity" and thought about it in different terms. I'm wondering if the female audience sees this movie in a different light than the male audience.

Let me tell you all what I got out of this movie: Our protagnist, Rob Gordon, is flawed like every single guy worth a damn in this world. Any guy who seems too perfect is hiding something or isn't real and therefore isn't who you want to be with. He has his list of transgressions between him and his girlfriend. Now when they break up, she reveals them to a mutual friend and this serves as fodder for putting him as an outcast. Now as a rule, you shouldn't air your dirty laundry to mutual friends. This only serves to alienate one of the ex's.

I guess the point Sonrisa seemed to make in her reply is that she saw the movie as being about settling for someone and I would really love to hear what other females who've seen High Fidelily thought about it.

So let me posit this question: Is getting married or commitment really about settling? I guess in a way it can be seen as this. I think compromise might be a better word for it. I talked about this with what you might term as an ex-girlfriend (only she was still trying to get her ex back while crashing with me every night despite my half-hearted protests that I would not let myself be used).

I feel that as we get older, what we want changes. I mean, let's face it, we all want Salma Hayek or Brad Pitt. But as you get older and a little more experienced, you begin to realize that as good looking as that person is, there is another person at that moment who is absolutely fed up with that person's shit. That fantasy person is leaving his boxers on the floor or not making the bed in the morning which annoys the fucking shit out of their significant other. In other words, fantasy is just that .... fantasy. It isn't real. No matter how you slice it up or what you call it (i.e. settling or compromise), what we want in life changes as we mature and as we ourselves change.

Just like that commercial a few years ago, no one said they wanted to move into middle management as a kid. BUT your goals do change. Hell, when I was a kid, I wanted to play quarterback for the Steelers and lead them to the infamous "One For The Thumb". Now, I'm old enough to realize there isn't much call for a short, tubby Hispanic QB who can only throw accurately for about 20 yards and runs a 7.0 in the 40. So my goals changed with reality; I found another way to be involved with the sport I loved when I coached my little brother's football team.

Even now my goals have changed; I'll never be the next Evan Dando but I can learn some cover tunes with my guitar. And I'll be happy with that.

So back to Rob Gordon. He realizes that the fantasy girls are just that. They don't have problems just yet because at first their little problems are just that, little. But in time, it's that small stone in your shoe that wears you down on the long journey, not the hill itself. AND that the fantasy will wear off. I had a friend who once told me she wanted to find a guy with whom everyday would be special and I laughed because we all know not every day will be special. Sometimes you're going to have those days when you come home and all there is on the table is last night's meatloaf and the bills, not the wine, roses, and caviar you fantasized about.

And hence the underwear analogy I love so well. It's a comfort when you have the old underwear hanging in the bathroom. It's not romantic but it's comforting. Love isn't always about romance; love is really at some level about comfort most of the time. You're comforted knowing that this person does hang her cotton panties in the bathroom. You're comforted knowing that she'll always put a bit too much pepper in the mashed potatoes. You're comforted knowing that she'll toss and turn 10 times until she finds the perfect position before falling alseep. You're comforted knowing that she still loves you when you've had too many drinks and made an ass of yourself when you nearly get into a fight with a professional athlete (true story here folks ... but no g/f at the time). You're comforted knowing that she'll sing off key in the car or that she'll always be cold when you're burning up. Now, aren't all of these things worth the occassional downside? I'd say not just yes, but a resounding "Fuck yeah!!!!"

This is what I think High Fidelity was about. Realizing that comfort and love was always there. Romance isn't always some grand gesture like a trip to Paris (which is always nice). Rather, it's a mix CD you've made with songs that your significant other likes.