Lazy Shoeless Fucks and Dogs On Ropes

Remember watching Sesame Street as a kid? They would have that "one of these things is not like the other" skit. So in the spirit of picking out things that aren't quite right, take a look at the pic to the left. So what is wrong with it? Let's see: Jackfuck has went through the trouble to grab his M-60, put on his best Bugle Boy polo, and even wears a ski mask to hide his identity. So why in the fuck can't this fucking moron put on a pair of shoes? He's out shooting and fighting in sandals ... guess this genius doesn't plan on running away. If he did, he'd be easy to find .... just follow the "clip clop" sound from his fake Birkenstocks.

Speaking of things that just don't look right, what the hell is wrong with Eddie Van Halen? He looks like that homeless guy who is panhandling for spare change in front of Dennys. God, I used to love Van Halen .... hell, I even liked Van Halen with Sammy Hagar (of course, I'll always like the David Lee Roth era much more). I've always maintained that Valerie Bertinelli broke up the original Van Halen. Rumor was that she couldn't stand ole Diamond Dave and tightened the clamps on Eddie's nuts to kick him out the band. Is it a coincidence that some great bands have broken up after a member has gotten married? The Beatles? The Black Crowes? And Van Halen is pretty much done. Again, rumor has it that Ms. Bertinelli pushed for that ass clown known as Gary Cherone to replace Sammy Hagar. Now look at Eddie .... Val has filed for divorce and now he'll be that weird guy at Half-Price books wearing a cape rummaging through $1 paperbacks. All Eddie needs now is a shopping cart, a dog on a piece of rope, and he can officially hang out in front of 7-11 telling kids that he used to be somebody while skaterats totally ignore him as they sip on their Cherry Choke Slurpees. We can only pray that the lead singer of Nickelback is engaged. It worked so well with Creed now that what's his name is making sex tapes even though he was supposed to be in a committed relationship. Aaaahh .... maybe the American Idol contestants will all make a gangbang home video so that some band with talent might be able to grab the spotlight while the show is on "permanent hiatus".

And finally, a cheap quiz to sate my quiz-taking side. I like this one because it makes me feel literate in some sense or manner.

George Orwell: Nineteen Eighty-Four. You are the classic warning against the threat of totalitarianism. To you, politics and philosophy are inseparable, auchtorities suck and the reality might not exist outside our imaginations.

Which literature classic are you?
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And one last one ... apparently, I'm a classic....

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Now do the Devil's bidding and take these quizzes!!