Hot Aiken Sex And Ozzy Betrayed Me

As the self-proclaimed music snob with bad taste, I like to keep up with tacky and useless music news. As I have said, American Idol represents all that is completely wrong with music today. Well, apparently some people decided to file a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission against Clay Aiken's record label claiming that they were mislead. Apparently, he didn't live up to the asexual and wholesome image that his record label built up for him. This past year, some GI reported that he and Aiken had a night of hot sex. Apparently, someone wanted to do to this guy what you don't do to farm animals.

First of all, who didn't really know this guy was gay? I don't know a ton of gay guys, but my gaydar meter was as high as Bobby & Whitney in Amersterdam! Who did he really fool? Only the completely braindead and ignorant were fooled! I think Mango was more masculine than Aiken.

Secondly ... who fucking cares? It's a clown from American Idol. He's not a real artist ..... he's some clown that just sings what's put in front of him!! I'm still waiting for Ruben Stoddard to eat him after they team up on the Justin Guarini reunion tour.

All this music talk got me thinking about fistpumpers. No, not what I do while Salma Hayek is rolling around naked in a hot, sweaty sex scene. I'm talking about those songs that get you pumped up; that get your blood going. These are some of those songs that get to me:

1. "Crazy Train" - Ozzy Osbourne: I remember hearing this in Jr. High. I had always loved the electric guitar, but when I heard Randy Rhoads tearing his way through this song, I knew I would always want to play the guitar. The only bad thing about this song is that it was used to kick off Monday Night Football and Ozzy committed the ultimate sin by singing this live in a Patriots jersey. I hate the Pats ... 'nuff said. I'm sure Randy Rhoads is spinning in his grave with Ozzy wearing that hated jersey.
2. "Feeling This" - Blink 182: Dcnats has asked me not to talk about these guys since it is depressing to think that they have broken up. But this song has one of the best intros. I saw Blink perform this on their Dollar Bill tour in Chicago at the House of Blues where they were promoting the new album. This one of the first new songs they played and it was fucking awesome.
3. "Nothing With You" - The Descendents: This is the ultimate punk love song. It's about doing nothing with the person you love because you don't want to be apart from her. Very SoCal punk. The Devil likey!
4. "Monosyllabic Girl" - NoFx: Short, sweet, and funny. Very crunchy guitars on this (listen to it and you'll know what I mean). Perhaps one of the best punk songs because in the end, the girl tells the guy "no".
5. "Gigantic" - The Pixies: One of maybe 3 songs where I want to play the rarely performed air-bass guitar. The opening riff is superb and unforgettable. Kim Deal makes the bass pretty fucking cool.
6. "Stupid Kid" or "Steamer Trunk" - The Alkaline Trio: This band has such outstanding punk songs that to separate this two is to have Donnie without Marie; pull apart the Captain and Tennille; or split up Hall & Oates .... well, maybe the Hall & Oates thing is a good thing.
7. "Mr. Brightside" - The Killers: One of the best modern tunes around. I think I was Mr. Brightside right after ML and I ended our relationship. I was always picturing her with one of the guys that she might make a comment about. But the song is superb and catchy.
8. "Anarchy In The UK" - The Sex Pistols: I want to pick up molotov cocktails and toss them at the National Republican Convention. I want to break shit. I want to break up the G8. This one brings out the anarchist in me.
9. "People Of The Sun" - Rage Against The Machine: This one stirs up that hot Latin blood. The lyrics talk about the destruction of the Maya empire and the Zoot Suit riots in L.A. during WWII. Plus, they always had the best t-shirts and posters.
10. "Fight The Power" - Public Enemy: Fuck Bill O'Reilly. Fuck FOX news. Fuck the right wingers for trying to use this song. These fucks try to coopt a song, which in it's very essence, is about fighthing the right wing!

BONUS: You heard it right. If you keep reading right now, you'll get 12 ... yes, 12 songs for the price of 10. The Devil has decided to generously include 2 other songs, you will also get:
11. "Unchained" - Van Halen: Again, one of those amazing intros. Eddie is tearing up the beginning of the song with a super heavy riff.
12. "Chavas (Girls)" - Molotov: If you're a fan of Jackass like I am, they've used this song before. It's the best remake of a Beastie Boys song in the history of the world.