All I Want For Christmas Is Boobs .......

As I've gotten older, I've found the need for gifts under the Christmas tree lessening. It seems the things that I'd truly want for a really Merry Christmas are things that can't be wrapped up. I've been a decent kid this year, so here is a partial list of what I'd want ......

1. Whitney / Bobby Christmas special: We'd need this complete with Bobby choking Whitney and then the two of them making out like a couple of horny teens at prom. They'd have to sing some absolutely ghetto-fabulous songs like "I'm Dreaming Of A Blow Christmas, Bitch" and the classic "I'll Be At My Recently Foreclosed Home For Christmas". This will truly put me in the holiday spirit.

2. Get laid: I haven't seen a breast in person since the end of June. To paraphrase Louis CK, it's gotten so bad that you know when you masturbate, you remember a sexual experience to rub one out to; well, it's been so long since I've gotten laid that I have to remember the last time I rubbed one out.

3. American Idol gets canceled: About the only way it would get better is if a strain of virus that infects fans of the show or contestants is somehow mutated to become transmittable through TV signals.

4. The smell of urine is eradicated from downtown: The bane of my morning walk from the ghetto parking lot is the aroma of pissing homeless folks everytime the wind shifts. A great gift would be if some wondrous elixir was created that magically rid the air of that foul stench and deterred homeless from approaching me like a pack of hyenas whenever they see me.

5. Get rid of my fat ass: Find an immortal fat-shaving plane so that I can eliminate fat from those problems areas like ... you know, my entire body. Actually this could be packaged and stuffed underneath my tree along with a pair of real life boobs attached to Scarlett Johansson.

6. Banning "A Christmas Story": I wish Homeland Security (doesn't that name just smack of Naziism??) would once and for all declare that "A Christmas Story" is subversive and outlaw its broadcast for a term of no less than 100 years.

7. Sterilize the Wal-Mart crowd: Pfizer could develop a new sterility drug that can be administered through the skin. The drug would be sprayed onto all t-shirts reading "Git 'R Done" ensuring the timely demise of NASCAR, Toby Keith, and Natural Light beer.

8. An End To Trashiness: Congress could insert a provision into the "No Child Left Behind" that mandates the lessons of Hot Ghetto Mess be incorporated into every Civics class as a yardstick of what not to do as part of a civilized society.

9. Faces: I'd like to get a pic of all of you so that I know who you are. It's crazy but you feel closer to a Blogger if you know what he/she looks like.

See, I'm not selfish at all with my Christmas wishes. I think all of these would serve a greater purpose for society.

"Tis The Season For Shitty Movies

Well folks .. it's been a while. But let me just say that things are back on track. As embarrassing as this is, when I first moved down this way, I let ML use my computer. I figured that I was living with family and that since she was in school, she'd make better use of it. Since we're no longer on speaking terms, I figured the thing was shot and it didn't make any sense to get it back (besides, it was a Compaq ... that's all that needs to be said with that). But I just scored a new laptop so now I plan on getting back on track ......

Now for the rants!!

What the fuck is going on these days with shitty movie after shitty movie being released? It's as if Hollywood figures that everyone will be sick of hearing "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by that crazy chick from "Glitter", so they'll put out all of the shitty movies they've shelved for the past few months.

Like this piece of shit in the pic. It's amazing that this was even made; it went directly to DVD. This movie will rank right up there with any Lorenzo Lamas production.

Who in the name of all that is holy is going to rent this or better yet, buy this? It's the same guy who actually paid to see The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift on opening night.

The first two of the American Pie movies were decent ... but now it's just fucking stupid. One of the clips that I've bombarded with this week has this line that is sure to elicit thunderous laughter has Eugene Levy saying in his most incredulous tone "You're a Stifler and a virgin?" I threw up a little in my mouth as I was typing this ..... But seriously, we all know that extremely hot sorority girls couldn't wait to get naked in front of pale, skinny guys with all the sex appeal of Crispin Glover so they could streak across campus.

As if this wasn't bad enough .... we also get "Rocky Balboa". Who in the fuck thought this was a good idea? Who was stupid enough to say "You know ... audiences at Christmas just might pony up $10 to see a 60 year old man get his ass kicked in a movie. Let me pony up millions of dollars on this one."And it only gets worse from here on out. No doubt Vin Diesel or Jennifer Lopez will have a movie out in the next few months .......

I've got a great idea for a movie: why don't we watch a guy eat six apples and shit out a fruit salad. Oh wait .... apparently that show idea was taken already and packaged as "American Idol".

If you still don't think Notre Dame is God's school ...

.... then look at who showed up to cheer the Irish on.

People With Money Can Be Trashy Too

A long time ago, in a city far, far away, my mom said one of those things that shapes your lives for years to come. She said "Just because you don't have money doesn't mean you have to act trashy." I've always carried that thought with me as I've gone through life and it has shaped alot of my opinions of people.

And we all know we constantly run into people with no money acting trashy. For instance, I went to the Atlanta Zoo a few weeks ago because they had free admission for any who lived or worked in the city. So I head over early and it was great until all of the trash of Atlanta hit the place. There they are: kids knocking on the glass cases of snakes all the while their unattentive parents are oblivious to the "Do Not Knock On The Glass" stenciling instead focusing on what their "drivers" are doing at some unknown race in some hillbilly city; adults with Blue Tooths going into normally quiet observation areas talking so fucking loud about who got drunk last night or who got into a fight at the club; parents raising hell at the concession stand because the soda they bought had too much ice. Basically it was people who acted like they've never been anyplace .... loud, drawing attention to themselves and acting trashy.

Now, you might think this scourge of the Earth is limited to those driving cars with rims (you gotta see the pic to appreciate this one) that are worth three times what the vehicle is. Perhaps this behavior only runs among those who own entire outfits done up in woodlands camoflauge? Oh hell no!!! Kanye West just showed the world that he is one of those people when he jumped on the stage at the European MTV Awards .... trashiness embodied.

What a fucking idiot. How do you get upset with MTV, whose only job is to make rich cunts seem like role models to the next lost generation of Paris Hilton wannabes? Does MTV really have that much credibility that a "snub" warrants jumping on stage to yell about not getting an award for Best Video? It's a fucking video!!! If you're gonna get upset about something, get upset about not winning Best Song of the Year or Best Album or Song That Contributes To A Better World. Don't get ticked off because you released an expensive cheesy video for a song which should be the B-side of a single !!!

But poor Kanye ... the world stopped revolving around him for a few hours while others garnered accolades for their hard work. Instead of being gracious about the whole thing like a real rapper would (see Common, Talib Kweli, or Mos Def for some real rappers), he decides to jump onstage and bitch because he spent a million dollars on a fucking video that didn't win. We all know you don't brag about how much you spent on something ... that's just plain trashy.

Sure Kanye, we all loved the "George Bush doesn't care about black people" statement that left Mike Myers standing there like a deer in the headlights. But the whole thing about your being a character in the Bible if it were written today was bad enough. With this, all Kanye has done is show us just really how idiotic he is ... oh yeah, trashy too!!

I Ruined My Parents!!!

Once you get older, you may come to a strange realization that I recently had. See, I was given 6 months of free HBO due to the fact that Comcast is a joke of a cable service since they can't connect cable during the 6 hour range that they promise. So on HBO this month is Walk The Line.

All of sudden I realized how really kick-ass Johnny Cash is. I really had no idea that he rocked that much!! I remember all too well how much my folks liked him. Strangely, this is not the first time that this has happened.

You see, this happened with the movie Ray. My parents dug this guy too. And this other crazy old guy named Willie Nelson .... and this other cat named Waylon Jennings ..... and Sam & Dave ... and John Lee Hooker.

Sinbad mentioned this phenomenon: Your parents used to be cool 'til they had you. The sad thing is that it's true!! Hell, my folks had an SUV long before legions of useless soccer moms lined up at the Ford dealership so they had buy more useless shit at Sharper Image at the expense of plunging our nation into war. Don't worry; my folks actually made use of the SUV: we would go on family camping trips; the dirt roads leading to one of the family's ranches are not paved and rough as hell.

This old '76 Chevy Blazer had an 8-track that my folks would torture us with playing all of the aforementioned ad nauseam. Now, of course, everyone digs Cash and Willie and Ray and Sam & Dave. I can't help but remember how much I hated that music growing up. When I bought my first walkman, I listened to that thing for hours on car trips ... anything to avoid those 8-tracks. Now, if I hear Sam & Dave's "Soothe Me", I stop everything and become instantly mesmerized.

But just think: someday you'll have kids and you'll be as uncool as your parents are now. I guess that is the curse of having children. Someday you'll be watering your lawn wearing sandals and black dress socks ... heh-heh.

I'm A Lazy Ass Who Takes Forever To Finish Meme's

Jen tagged me with this one and I've been a lazy lout and never finished it. I'm as slow as George Bush is smart. So here are my answers .... Book Meme

1. One book that changed your life: The Cathcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger. I know, I know .... it's so cliche. But I challenge you to find a book that sums up a cynical teen's view of the world much better. I remember reading this and it was as if I had an epiphany.

2. One book that you've read more than once: To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Such an obvious choice, isn't it? For some crazy reason, I keep coming back to this book in my life. In law school during my ethics class, our prof asked us to name an attorney, real or fictional, that we admired and why. I chose Atticus Finch for how he treated the Cunningham family (remember the family that couldn't pay him money, so they would leave chopped wood, roasted chestnuts, and food on the back porch?). I always found it so powerful that despite a client's inability to pay, he let the man keep his dignity by paying back in any way he could.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island: A complete collection of Pablo Neruda's poetry so I could sit and really absorb it.

4. One book that made you laugh: Lies by Al Franken. Amazing that a book chocked full of facts and figures can still make you laugh. But then again, he was a skit writer for SNL.

5. One book that made you cry: La Maravilla by Alfredo Vea. I had to read this while at Arizona State in my Chicano Lit class. Part of the story is about an old couple that reminded me of my grandparents. Naturally, one of them dies and you are reduced to tears everytime this cantankerous old lady recalls her husband.

6. One book you wish had been written: Love In The Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I really consider this one of the most perfect books ever written. But if you know me personally, you'll know I should have written Everyone Poops.

7. One book you wish had never been written: Anything by that raving cunt Anne Coulter. It's one thing to completely come up with bullshit that you claim is based on facts (just like that cocksucker Bill O'Reilly), but at least try to prove it with some actual facts. Al Franken has called her out on this so many times, it's like calling false start on a retarded kid during a flag football game!!

8. One book you're currently reading: Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich. I know I'm behind the power curve on this one, but I am finally getting to it.

9. One book you've been meaning to read: I've started Don Quixote at least 2 or 3 times and have never finished it. It's a bit intimidating seeing how thick the book is and you can read for a few hours and only read a fraction of it!!!

10. Six people to tag: Let's see, we definitely need Lindsay, Chelle, Joel, JHD, Sonrisa, and Andi. These kids are great with the books. And if any of you other kids want to do this meme ... please by all means.

Fade Away Or Become A Haven For Ashlee Simpson?

Actually this post idea came from Chelle (a.k.a. Mariemm), but I wanted to expound on it a bit longer.

CBGB's shut its doors this weekend closing out what was basically the Holy Land for punks.

So is it better to fade away hanging onto the vestiges of what you once were or morph into some trendy temporary thing devoid of any true soul?

I'm glad CBGB's took the fading away route. The landlord decided not to renew their lease, so it really wasn't a choice. BUT it's the principle I'm referring to here.

See, the club had enough street cred that it could've lent some of that to some really ass-clown performers looking to get some credibility. I'm sure someone like Ashlee Simpson would've loved to perform there so that she might be able to wear the shirt in the pic without Sid Vicious rolling over in his grave or having Joe Escalante use a 3-syllable word that would send her bird brain into complete convulsions. I'm quite certain some dude from some fucking teen-angst drama like The O.C. with his faux-hawk would try to put on a show trying to show just how "punk" he really is.

Instead of going that dead end route, they chose to put real punk bands out there. While I'm nowhere near being a real punk, I do love punk music and what it represents. Sure I love Blink 182, Alkaline Trio, and Green Day; but I also love The Ramones, Generation X, and of course, the Sex Pistols.

See the difference between these bands and the likes of some piece of shit from Malibu is that being a true punk is about more than wearing a fucking sparkly t-shirt that says "punk". It's more than a faux-hawk. It's more than a nose-piercing. It's about completely spitting on the establishment, not just a fashion trend. So if you ever see some kid wearing a shirt with the word "punk" scrawled across the front shopping in a Macy's at a suburban mall, you have my permission to rip the shirt off, march the kid to Sam Goody, and have him listen to "Never Mind The Bollocks".

Another Shitty Season

(Sigh) ... Once again, I have waited all year long for college football to start only to be disappointed by my alma mater's team.

Yes, once again my beloved Sun Devils have broken my heart. The ineptitude that embodies the head coach only adds to my heartbreak.

It's pathetic really to wait so long with anticipation only to have your season over a few weeks into the season.

But this has been the situation all too often with the ass-clown known as Dirk Koetter. This guy gets nearly $900K a year to produce sub-par football teams with all of the resources known to the college football world. Even Jake the Snake, complete with his new porn-stache, threw some dinero at the program to improve it's weight room.

So there it is .... I'm a 36 year old man who pathetically spends the entire year looking forward to college football season only to have his hopes dashed yet again. I truly am the defintion of schizophrenic: I keep doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result.

What the school doesn't realize is that, as pathetic as it might sound, college sports rankings do have an effect on how well the school is ranked in US News. While I was in law school at Cincinnati, we slipped a few spots in the rankings. Apparently had our basketball team finished better in the NCAA tourney, we would have received more applications from more students which leads to a school being more selective. If you're a school that only has 100 applicants for 90 seats, you're not that selective. If you have 150 seats and you receive 2200 applications, you're very selective. The more applications you receive, the more academically inclined your student body will be.

Look at this pic of the stadium at half-time vs. Oregon last week. WTF??? It's 3/4 empty!!! Mind you, this isn't a pre-game ceremony or a post-game cermony. This is fucking half-time!!! This is not going to help rankings of any kind!!!

So my only hope is that the idiot will be fired at the end of the season. I've been calling for this since the talentless ass-nugget was hired 6 years ago, so I can say I've hated this guy from the start. So I'm hoping for this and I'm quite sure that once again, ASU will let me down by letting this moron coach another season.

This Is One For Deeesguy

Ever since the lovely NML decided to post her pic on the web, I've been torn. Not having my pic up leaves that sense of mystery. Anonymity also gives one the chance to rant and rave about work and friends.


However, things have been decent lately and I enjoy my job. I'm making friends here and there and I'm moving into my own place in ATL. And I did promise to show my ugly mug sooner or later. So be kind and try to keep the bile from rising in the back of your throats when you view the monstrosity that is my face. Without further delay, I give you the elephant man .... errr, Cincysundevil .... well, me that is.

While I do love the Irish, my maroon ASU cap is what I'm normally wearing. So I have to post one of both up here.

Carl from ATHF a.k.a. Cincysundevil

I've determined that I will probably be alone the rest of my life and die one of those horrible deaths you read about on the back page of your local paper or in News of the Weird where I kick the bucket and my pet ferrett has to eat my carcass to survive until someone at work notices that the tubby Latin guy hasn't been in for about a week.

Why yes, I do have a penchant for the dramatic.

See this handsome fella to the left here. Yeah ... him. See, that is what my future revealed looks like. This all came to me this past week when I was driving in to work. It had rained like hell the night before and the roads were a little damp. I'm hauling ass like in the left lane LIKE EVERYONE SHOULD WHO DRIVES IN THE LEFT LANE ... ahem. Anyways, I'm driving in when the jack-fuck in front of me decides he needs to slow down ... very quickly. I hit my brakes and my car starts to hydroplane. In an instant, my life flashed in front of my eyes. Know what I saw? A gray patch ... literally a gray plane with nothing significant happening. It was this big void of nothingness and just sheer panic.

I didn't hit the car and I have to admit that I was crushed that my life didn't flash before my eyes with a host of milestones. As I started driving again and pulling my boxers out from the inside of my ass (thus giving a nearly literal translation to the term skid mark), I realized that currently the things I look forward to are quite pathetic.

Is the fact that the cafeteria at work is serving tacos on Thursday really something to look forward to? Should I really be crossing my legs in anticipation and bouncing like a little school kid waiting for the new Jackass movie to be released? Just how much excitement should building your Friday evening around a trip to Barnes & Noble really garner? It was as if Dean Wormer were speaking to my life when he said "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son".

So I've decided to embrace my inevitable fate as a single curmudgeon by looking forward to those things that will make me so. For instance, I have decided that I will now give myself permission to wear black dress socks with sandals since there will be no wife yelling at me to not do so. I will buy the top-of-the-line garden hose to spray on small children and dogs daring to cross my lawn. I will refuse to update my wardrobe more than once every 5 years since I will have no one to impress. I get to let my ear hair grow wildly a la Yoda. I resolve to keep all stray baseballs, frisbees, and footballs that accidentally get tossed into my back yard.

Yes my friends ... while I may end up like my friend Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force with my Coors Light cut-out of Pam Anderson being the only thing resembling the female form to grace my bed, I will have a damn good time becoming the curmudgeon I am inevitably fated to be.

Now you damn kids get off of my blog!!!!

Adios Mate

I know you're going to think I'm full of shit for this post. But I'm dead serious. I'm really bummed about this. The Crocodile Hunter is dead. Steve Irwin was killed doing what he loved best in this world and that is certainly the way to go. Truly, not many of us in this world can ever say that we are doing what we truly love and better yet, died while doing it.

I'll admit, the Crocodile Hunter was always a guilty pleasure of mine. I always was amazed watching this cat grabbing a rattlesnake by the tail and expounding on the virtues of how gorgeous this animal is whilst dodging certain death from a bite. I loved watching this guy jump over a fence as a croc chased him. I loved watching this guy travel to remote corners of the globe grabbing every sort of animal with the same glee that I had as a small boy picking up lizard or horned toads (or as we called them, horny toads). It was exciting to see someone who had found his calling and was truly enthused about it. Enthusiasm is infectious, as is a negative attitude. Mr. Irwin had enough enthusiasm for us all.

I'm a huge softie (which I'm sure some of you have figured out by now) and I really have a soft spot for animals (excepts for a rat which invaded the Marmot house I shared with Deeesguy down in the 'Nati). Irwin went to zoos and helped gather money to rehouse some animals in need of larger facilities. Hell, we can't even get Americans to shell out money for a homeless shelter much less for animals. Yet this guy would hit 3rd world nations to help care for animals and solicit money for their upkeep.

What Steve will truly be remembered for is the effect he'll have on the environment for decades to come. Kids of all sorts watched his show and he always made his commentary on the need to save our environment. I know this will have a positive influence on so many of those kids (except for those whose parents might actually believe the "intelligent design" is different from creationism and that global warming hasn't been proved yet). I'm only hoping that these kids who tuned in to watch him dodge crocs will not give in to corporate interests (enrich the shareholders or save the planet? Easy call if you ask me ... fuck the shareholders!) and do what it takes to save our planet where my generation has so miserably failed.

It's Official ... I'm Out of Compassion

Yes true believers, it's finally happened. The bed wetting liberal has finally reached his limit of compassion. It's a sad state of affairs and to an extent I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. But I think I have just hit that brick wall that sociologists has termed compassion fatigue.

It really hit me yesterday morning. I spent the weekend with another damn cold and I had to take Monday off so that I fulfill my lifelong dream of filling Kleenex with snot. So Tuesday I'm on my way to work and as per the standard in the South, it's as hot and sticky as Paris Hilton's thong after a night out. I was in the last throes of a nasty cold which always seems to hit me when the weather is at its worst and the air in the ATL is as thick as pea soup. Breathing is pretty much a chore on these days. And to top it off, I have to walk about 7 blocks from the parking lot to work which leaves me sweating like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

On my way in, a homeless guy starts to bug me for change. I'm already feeling like shit and the hour and a half ride to get downtown is already just too much. So I tell him I'm sorry that I don't have any and start to walk away. Then he asks me if I'm sure that I don't have any change. Once again, I reiterate that I don't have any. Herein lies the rub.

The problem is that this isn't a once a month or even once a week occurrence. Nope. This is getting to be a twice daily assualt as I walk from to and from work. I consider myself compassionate, but if I gave change everytime I was asked, I'd seriously be broke.

I hate to think I'm not compassionate which would make me feel guilty as all get up. Hell, I'm Catholic; I've got nothing but guilt. Everytime I throw away a bite of food I remember all too well the Catholic school nuns telling us that whenever we "wasted" food, the angels in heaven cried. So now everytime I don't polish off that last bite of an ill-gotten Big Mac, the choir of angels are bawling and I'm to blame.

BUT how much is enough already? I know I'm only human but I've actually gotten to the point to where if I have money in my wallet that I really need but don't give to that guy sitting on the front steps of the church smelling like 3 days of urine that has dried in the sun, I actually feel bad. AM I crazy or just Catholic?

P.S. The pic is one I've taken with my new digital camera. Actually, this lady is always nice and never bugs anyone. She always says hi and wishes you well when you walk by.

How The Anti-Christ Stole My Morning Walk

Note: As per usual, Blogger is having problems loading pics or just having problems so the pic I had for this is not uploading .... just go here for a pic of what I was going to load up.

This morning I got to work way early. For whatever reason, there must be some sort of virus that infected all of the useless housewives whose only purpose in life is to breed spoiled rotten crumb snatchers and to clog the main traffic arteries in this city. There was absolutely no traffic today. Normally, I spend at least an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic. Today? I was in the parking lot in 45 minutes. It was incredible; it was as if all the braindead fucks stayed home to watch more Jonbenet Ramsey news coverage.

Since I had a good 1/2 hour before I had to clock in, I decided to walk over to Obesity Central (that being McDonalds) and get a drink. In downtown ATL, this will mean a McD's where a homeless guy who smells like cat urine is screaming obsenities at a streetlamp. Undetered, I turned on my Gigabeat, set it to shuffle, and proceeded on my merry way.

On my way there, I passed one of the federal buildings. As I approach the building, Guster's "Manifest Destiny" is working its magic and setting my mind alight. The closer I get, I hear these lyrics:

You and I could quit this scene
Build a town and then secede
Like an Adam and an Eve
'Cause to the dreamers go the dreams
But the leaders have the lead
It's a frightening, frightening thing

Born to the land of opportunity
Of manifest destiny
Do you want to change your mind?
You can always change your mind

Outside the building, there is a line of people wearing their best outfits. I thought this strange until I realized that this was where immigration hearings were held. However, this was also the place where immigrants had their citizenship ceremony. It was one of those perfect moments. It's where the music is so perfect and so right for the moment. Throngs of people ready to swear allegiance to this great nation are outside, passing through a doorway only to emerge later through that same doorway as an American citizen. My heart was swelling with pride and affection for my country because here it was opening its door for the poor, the tired, and the huddled masses yearning to breathe free. This was a perfect moment that I wanted to capture, so I go into my backpack to pull out my digital camera (yes ... I finally got one and yes, I will post of a pic of my ugly mug once I can get a pic in which I don't look like the Michelin Man). And then George W. Bush's "safer world" ruined my perfect moment .........

One of the rent-a-cop security guards starts talking but I've got my headphones on. She starts motioning and yelling for me to stop taking a picture outside. There is not one sign in the area that states "No Photographs" and I'm on a public street on the sidewalk. This $6.50 an hour rent-a-sitting-on-her-ass-doing-nothing who has spent more time working on her corn-chip nails in one sitting than she has ever spent reading the manual that the "Rent-A-Cops On A Budget" has provided her. I yell back:

"You're a fucking rent-a-cop. You have no idea about the Constitution or my civil rights as an American."

And with that, I turned around and walked away.

I start asking myself how did we come to this? How did we get to the point that taking pictures could be seen as a security risk? And I remembered a speech that the Anti-Christ gave a while back declaring that we are in a safer world because of the "War on Terror". What a bunch of bullshit!!

Oh really? Safer? I guess next time I go to Egypt, I won't have to worry about some fucking radical offshoot of Islam bombing a hotel or disco because the world is safer. I guess next time I go to the Phillippines I won't have to worry about being kidnapped by terrorists in the jungle because the world is safer. I guess next time I ride a train in Spain I won't have to worry about explosives being set off because the world is safer. I guess next time I take a double decker in London I won't have to worry about having my asshole blown off and onto the side of a financial district building because the Anti-Christ and his minions have made the world safer for us all. Gee, thanks FOX news for proliferating the message that the world is safe because your keeper in the sullied White House has now declared it so.

Random Thoughts From The Devil

If I had breasts as nice as ScarJo, I swear I'd never leave the house.

Salma Hayek is hot as is Kate Winslet. What makes them both super hot is that they wouldn't put up with male macho bullshit (of which at times I can have just a touch of .....)

Atlanta is way too humid for human habitability. As stupid as it sounds, Phoenix actually was way more tolerable.

In Georgia, you can actually get an Auburn University license plate .... which is strange considering that Auburn is in fucking Alabama!!! I'm waiting for Ohio to put out University of Michigan plates.

Everytime I think I've heard of a great new band, Deeesguy already has the CD or is past them and on to something new.

Does anyone besides porn bots still use chat rooms?

MTV has officially become the wealthy, spoiled, high-school aged fuckstick channel (as if I'm revealing anything new)

Rae Carruth's head has a weird ass shape.

I actually respect Chappelle for walking away. I've read that one of his skits actually pushed him over the edge and that he felt he was only perpetuating a stereotype, not lampooning it in an intelligent way.

Dharma & Greg is still the most painfully unfunny sitcom in history.

I fucking hate the New York Yankees, the Dallas Cowboys, the Philadelphia Flyers, Brigham Young University, and the Los Angeles Lakers. I might even throw in Ohio State just to get Deeesguy's goat. I hate goats too ...

I'm A Child Of The 80's Who Pays Attention To The Lyrics In Songs

Now, I'm like many of you and I'm a child of the late 70's and 80's. The picture to the left should be an indication of that (how many of you really remember this shirt?). I always liked knowing the words to songs so that singing along (and yes, I sing poorly) was more fun. I've spent a road trip in college trying to learn all the words to REM's "It's the End of the World As We Know It" while driving to the location of my liver's beatdown. As I've gotten older, I'm especially intrigued by lyrical workmanship. I have always maintained that Robert Smith of the Cure is not a songwriter, rather, he is a poet. Therefore, trite and thin songwriting is a pet peeve of mine.

Monday night, I’m working out at Gold's gym and I'm watching the chachs go to town lifting obscene amounts of weight. They're flexing and strutting trying to woo the 22 year old ladies each of whom probably refers to herself as "a young professional" when in reality all she does is answer the phones at a dentist's office. In the midst of this testosterone and fake 'n' bake induced mating ritual, Gold's has this "video music" system going on in the background. I put the phrase in quotes to signal my obvious dismay as to what they're calling music. It's a mix of bad pop music a la Ashley Simpson and terrible Euro-trash so called techno. It reeks of cheesiness and poor taste. What amazed me even more was watching the chachs really start getting worked up to some of the music.

Now I know most of us listen to music for the rhythm and not for the lyrics. I'll grant you that. But if you start lip-syncing the lyrics, then you've crossed the line and now you're squarely in my realm. Here are these chachs listening to a band that should be playing Six Flags and they were getting into it. It was as if it inspired them; like the insipid and trite lyrics were speaking to them. Let me give you a sample of the pseudo mook rock I'm referring to:

When The world keeps trying to drag me down,

Gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.

I say, hey, Have A Nice Day-ay-ay.

Have A Nice Day-ay-ay

Wow. Those lyrics are inspiring … sorta like the inspiration you get when you see someone puke in public when you can taste the bile rising in the back of your throat. They lyrics are so … well … so bland, so common, so everyday. But these mooks at the gym were getting pumped up by this. It was as if Bon Jovi (whose initials, B.J., are what you should get if you actually buy one of their CD's) wrote this piece of shit in preparation for their secondary career of playing county fairs alongside Nickelback and Loverboy. It was as if the mooks were saying to each other "Yeah, that's right. If I'm having a shitty day, I'll just tell the world to have a nice day. Fuckin' a right!"

Now compare the lyrical larceny that is Bon Jovi with Mike Doughty's "Madeleine and Nine":

Slave to the inside light

My world is burning on eternally

For the fire I lack

This flame is feeling fine
Give my eyes just for your intentions

Risk my back to impress you now

I am so joyful that I have found you

Alls I need is to see you now

It's like watching the Gore - Bush debates where the Anti-Christ had that look on his face like a homecoming queen caught dropping ass at prom. The words are crafted so much more artfully and flow so much easier with great indie songwriters. It doesn't just extend to indie rock vs. mook/chach/county fair/mainstream rock. Nope, this phenomenom extends even to rap. Check out the monotone 50 Cent's "Wanksta":

Shorty she's so fine, I gotta make her mine
ass like that gotta be one of a kind
I crush 'em everytime

punch 'em with every line
I'm fucking with they mind

I make them press rewind

Hhhhmmm ..... quite sad and dull and trite if you ask me. It's as if he didn't even really try to spend more than an hour writing this song. I can see 50 writing these lyrics on a napkin in front of McD's while Eminem is ordering an Egg McMuffin. Now, let's get to a truly great rap artist, Common, with his tune "The Light":

It's important, we communicate

and tune the fate of this union, to the right pitch

I never call you my bitch or even my boo

There's so much in a name and so much more in you

Few understand the union of woman and man

And sex and a tingle is where they assume that it land

But that's fly by night for you and the sky I write

For in these cold Chi night's moon, you my light

Damn, how can poor 50 even begin to compete with that. It's like magnificent vs. monosyllabic. So next time you make a music choice, please don't go with what you'll hear on one of those fucking Clear Channel stations or anything with "power" in the nickname of the station. Hunt and peck a bit and try some lesser known artists and you'll be alot happier.

Truth in 6 cartoon panels

This cartoon perfectly sums up every supporter of the Anti-Christ or Conservative I know ....

The Republicans Eat Their Own Young!!!!!

The clown whore who delivered this nation into the hands of the most vile Anti-Christ was today officially kicked in the teeth by the Nazi Party, a.k.a. the GOP or the Republicans. The party of Pure Evil sent Katherine Harris a letter simply stating that she had about as much of a chance of winning the Congressional race in Florida as Toby Keith has of nailing Natalie Maines before a Dixie Chicks concert. With such long odds, they decided to withdraw their support from her campain.

We all remember Harris as that young upstart elections official who committed election fraud and all but reinstated Jim Crow laws in Florida to ensure the Dark Side would win the election. She was supposed to be the close minded answer to Hilary. Now, she's just that tramp with bad makeup.

Such is the way of politics but all this does is serve to remind me of the shit that the Bush crime family in the White House has perpetrated on this great nation. Clinton made like $36,000 from Whitewater; Cheney will reap untold millions, if not billions, from his stock from Haliburton. The right-wingers will tell you Cheney divested himself of any stock he had in Haliburton ... true, but he did not divest himself of stock options. Clinton got a knob-job in the Oval office and the fundamentalist "Christians" were calling for his head for being a "bad example" in the White House. The Anti-Christ blatantly manipulates intelligence to start a war where 1000's of young American GI's die and tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians will be murdered and not once have those jackoffs who bemoan the "sanctity of life" raised their voices in opposition to the war.

Gone are the reminders from the "liberal media" when W the Jackfuck and Dickhead Cheney professed that they knew where the WMOD were located. The "liberal media" hasn't so much as even sniffed at the Downing Street memo which spelled out that the Anti-Christ was going to manipulate intelligence to start the war. They've all but glossed over that. All that brain-dead conservatives hear from the FOX propaganda channel is that the public is not hearing enough about the good things the troops are doing. Now, as a former GI, I can tell you .... passing out stuffed animals and bags of candy to Iraqi kids may be a nice thing to do. But if an IED kills 40 people in a market in Baghdad, guess what the more important story is? No matter how good your intentions, you cannot force democracy at the end of a rifle. You don't win a war by winning the hearts and minds of the people. Apparently the Anti-Christ forgot that lesson since HE NEVER FUCKING WENT TO VIETNAM and has failed at everything he has ever done (look at the oil companies he started and the Texas Rangers before he sold the team ..... all of them complete and utter failures).

So Katherine Harris is getting her comeuppance and seeing what the Grand Old Party is really about ....... and it ain't good.

Graduating In 4 Years Is A Miracle At Gold's Gym

I love going to my gym. I really do. I have gotten past that point where you look for excuses not to go and I now feel completely guilty if I don't. I drink diet soft drinks exclusively. I actually watch what I eat now (I know Deeesguy is having a fit over his cup of coffee or is spitting out his Coca-Cola Classic since I swore I would NEVER become one of those Diet Coke drinkers ... does Coke Zero count??). Yes, I'm becoming a semi-regular healthy person. I say semi-healthy because I still slip a few times a week and hit Sonic for a Cherry Limeade … which is like manna from heaven.

So I go to my gym which happens to be named after a precious metal (as if that wasn't enough of a hint) about 4 to 5 times a week. I like to go in, do my workout unimpeded and get out. I'm usually in and out in about an hour and a half. Except for those days when these annoying types show up …

The Chach: The gym is full of these chach types. My wonderful friend, SR, in Dayton gave me this term and I fully intend to proliferate its use. Yes, the Chach. This guy shows up at the gym with hair done carefully … no, I'm serious. He's got enough gel in his hair to create a papier-mache Trojan horse. He's actually taken the time to do his hair and to lather himself with self tanner to go "work out". He's also got the standard armband tattoo of razor wire or some "tribal" design to go along with his oh so white Sketchers or super clean Nikes. He does all of his exercises in front of the mirrors so that he can be assured that you see him and he's strategically parked his A&F wearing ass in front of the dumbbells so you must "adore" his physique to pick up a 20 pounder. I did note that he's wearing an A&F tee and not an old college t-shirt because neither the University of Phoenix nor community colleges have alumni tees yet.

Soccer Mom and/or FOX news Dad: These two shouldn't be allowed to breed, but since ignorance and stupidity are still legal, I must deal with these two when they decide to load up the mini-van with their brood for a "work out" session. Normally, mom will spend 15 minutes on the elliptical and then wander aimlessly around the weight machines stopping to park her dimpled ass on a piece of machinery. FOX news Dad is the braindead fuck who is shaking his head in agreement with whatever Bill O'Reilly (a.k.a. one of Satan's minions) says whilst his useless spawn run around the gym. FOX news dad will go do some curls with far too much weight and sway his body back and forth to lift it which actually doesn't do him a bit of good … then we won't see his tired ass in there for another 3 weeks until the current season of American Douchebag is over.

The Personal Trainers: Now, am I bit jealous that I don't have a chiseled body like that? Sure I am. Would I love to have the cheesy 20-something year old secretaries (who, by the way call themselves "young professionals … lol … sorry, just being a snob and a dick at the same time), swoon all over me? What red-blooded guy wouldn't? But a conversation I overheard with one of the trainers with a new gym member affirmed my sense of self-snobbery. He was with a young girl with looks not unlike Olive Oil wearing a Princeton tee who had just signed up with the gym:

Trainer: So did you really go to Princeton?
Olive Oil: Yeah … I just graduated this year.
Trainer: Congratulations! You seem kinda young to finish college. How old are you?
Olive Oil: 22.
Trainer: You mean you finished college in four years? Boy, do I feel like a dumbass.

Welcome to my gym people!!!

In other news .....

I had to see what famous work of art I am!!

You Are Best Described By...

From the Lake, No. 1by Georgia O'Keeffe

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

I stole this from Trixie whom I dearly wish was still posting. She is truly a beautiful soul ... and a pretty damn cute Cannuck at that!!

Naturally, I'll expect for you tell me what piece of art you came up with ... so get to linking folks!!

Metal Detector Fairy Tales

Sit back kids and I'll tell you a fairy tale ... no, not the one about the pizza delivery guy and the horny co-ed who wanted some "Italian sausage". No, this one is about a magical kingdom and the king's palace. You see, there was a magical kingdom in a place down in the far South where it was as hot as balls everyday which made your underwear stick to your ass as you walked down the cobbled pathways. At the center of this unGodly humid place was the kingdom's palace where a ton of administrators carried out the kingdom's business. It was well understand that in order to go into the palace, one had to go to certain doors and walk through a magic door and place all belongings into a magic box. All the citizens of the kingdom gladly obliged and all was happy, right????

Wrong .... dead fucking wrong!!!

Let me tell you how it really is. Working in any government building in the post 9/11 era, you've come to expect that you simply have to deal with security. If you've ever visited Europe or ever left the United States, you know what I'm referring to. In other places, they have armed guards at government buildings waiting for you to fuck up so that he can pump enough lead into you to make you a hot commodity at a metal scrap yard. It's amazing how fucking spoiled and ignorant we as Americans have become. We're all convinced that we're so special that these sorts of things just don't apply to us.

Anyways, every day I have to go through this little ritual. I put my bookbag on the conveyor into the metal detector and you walk through the metal detector checkpoint. If you set it off, the security guard paws your nads while passing his phalic metal detector wand within 2 inches of all you hold holy. But I'd rather do this than let some stupid fuck who has some sort of vendetta against the world walk in with 200 pounds of dynamite waltz in.

Of course, working in downtown Atlanta, I have to deal with the unwashed masses that are as braindead as they are incompetent. Today I got behind Ms. Suckteeth. Ms. Suckteeth couldn't be bothered going through these few simple steps. She simply tried to bull her way around the line forming at the checkpoint. When security redirected her back to the end of the line, she lived up to her name and well ... sucked her teeth loudly with attitude. To top it off, this useless fucktwit got to the front of the line finally and didn't bother to put her flea market Louis Vitton knockoff purse onto the conveyor belt. Instead, she reaches into her purse, puts her cell phone into the little basket next to the walkthrough metal detector and then walks through. So this walking example of why tigers eat their young goes through the metal detector with her purse ...with metal rivets ... and about $10 worth of pawn shop jewelry .... and she can't figure out why the detector is beeping. So she proceeds to suck her teeth with attitude once again while friendly security guard runs the metal detector wand over her.

I go through this all morning with the unwashed masses. If I go into the bathroom, there is some homeless guy in there taking a whore bath in the sink. If I go the cafeteria, I always end up behind the guy way past retirement age who insists on scrounging through both pockets to find 3 pennies ...or he's just playing pocket pool. Such is life in the magic kingdom.

QUICK!! Before they change the site again!!!

+44 has actually put some music on their site again. Go here and it should start to load automatically. I need your feedback on this one kids!!!!!

Oy Vey ... Joey Lawrence You Missed Out

Who would've guessed that the annoying sidekick from one of my sister's fave shows would've grown up to be so smokin' hot??? I certainly wouldn't have. Hell, I thought she'd be one of those VH1 Where Are They Now? where she's working in a video store in El Segundo. Apparently Jenna Von Oy has grown up ... and grow up she did. That is apparent here and here and here and here and oh yeah, especially here.

It's like I always told my younger brother when he was in school: Be nice to those girls that everyone picks on or that everyone considers ugly. They're gonna be the ones that really stand out in the end.

That is definitely the case in point here. Looks like Joey Lawrence was too busy worrying about his pompador and doing TigerBeat magazine covers to notice this hottie developing right underneath his nose.

This leads me to wonder what ever happened to those girls that got teased in junior high and high school or hell ... even college. Did they ever develop into hotties? I imagine it's the same for guys. Everyone picks on a kid and then he grows up to be the next Brad Pitt or Ryan Reynolds. Do any of you know anyone who got picked on or overlooked only to have them develop into a knockout?

I Still Heart Kate and Rubbing Butts

Give me a looke, give me a face,
That makes simplicitie a grace;
Robes loosely flowing, haire as free:
Such sweet neglect more taketh me,
Then all th'adulteries of art.
They strike mine eyes, but not my heart.
- Ben Johnson

I think old Mr. Johnson hit on something with this. The AMEX ads that came out a bit ago with one of my true loves, Kate Winslet, reignited my full on crush for her. Not because of her movie roles. Not because she is a starlet. Not because she's rich or gorgeous. In fact, I think this ad does just the opposite. It shows her as a real person. It shows her as ... well, almost flawed.

Now, I don't mean to say that Kate isn't absolutely amazing. But look at this ad. We actually see Kate as a normal person and as a normal person we're all flawed. She's gnawing her finger like there is some sort of antedote in it. Her desk is cluttered, her hair is a bit disheveled. Hell, feet can be pretty gross but Kate has the bottom of her foot in the ad!!!

Ben is right. It's not perfection that makes someone necessarily attractive. Sometimes it's those little imperfections that make someone so much more attractive. I've found these traits so endearing in some of my past ex-g/fs. For example:


Girl A: She couldn't stand styrofoam. In so many other aspects of her life, she completely dominated the field and yet the sound or touch of styrofoam made her cringe like the German chancellor at the Anti-Christ's touch.

Girl B: She was nearly quite literally a rocket scientist, could never get a screen projector to work in her classroom which simply required the pressing of a button.

Girl C: She would almost always insist I massage her butt a bit before she fell asleep. It wasn't a sexual thing (although I would try and fail miserably far too many times), but for whatever reason it relaxed her enough to fall asleep.

This didn't make them weird or stupid, it was endearing. It made someone more human, more vulnerable, more attainable. Maybe it was my fragile male ego that made me feel good that someone I found so amazing wasn't as perfect as I imagined.

I think that is the point of how many people get together. Somehow, we can look past someone's own perceived flaws or deficiencies and instead find an endearing quality in them. Whether that be someone's physical traits or a character quirk, imperfection is endearing.

Give The Kids What They Want ....

So this guy used to have a blog ... sometimes it was funny ... sometimes it wasn't. Well ... actually, most of the time it wasn't funny. BUT it was something to read ... sorta like the Reader's Digest you find at your grandmother's house next to her Gold Bond medicated lotion or next to the four-year old Golf magazines you come across at your doctor's office. It was something to read.

Then this jackoff just falls off the face of the earth. Completely gone. Gone like the Anti-Christ's approval rating. Gone like your common sense when the promise of getting laid is waived in your face. Yep ... gone like that. Now, this lazy sack of shit has decided to start writing again ... can you believe it?

I know the question will inevitably come up. Cincy, where have you been? I've been here. Just sorta uninspired and just worn out. You would think a government job would give me plenty of time off .... you would think. My day is starting at 6 A.M. and with traffic, rolling my tubby ass into the gym after work, and getting home at 9 P.M., I'm a bit exhausted. I'm currently involved in an unholy union with an ancient copier with whom I've spent more time this week than with any family I've got nearby. I'll move within the perimeter of the ATL sometime soon, but 'til then, I'll try to update regularly starting ..... now. You can thank Deeesguy for the title of this entry.

I know you saying to yourself: Cincy, what is your take on world events? Israel? The War in Iraq? The war against our civil rights? The elections? All valid topics. But let's face it. There is only one topic that should have the world holding it's collective breath. There is only one topic that has world leaders tossing & turning at night. There is only one topic that has economists pouring over data late into the night.

The topic: So who is better, Angels & Airwaves or +44?

Let's start with Angels. They released their first album and the first song definitely had me psyched. Kudos for throwing the first punch. "The Adventure" was a catchy little ditty. Tom DeLonge has taken this new band a little too seriously though. He has made AVA sound like it's the next coming of Nirvana; a band that will literally rewrite music history. Don't get me wrong .. the CD is decent. It's more like Simple Plan or Good Charlotte decent, not like Alkaline Trio or Rancid or Jimmy Eat World decent. I can't tell if the AVA is supposed to have a Christian bent or not .... but hey, whatever floats Tom's boat is what I say. I say that the band needs to get a few dick and fart jokes, but that's just my opinion.

+44 is officially the "cock tease" of the music world right now. Initially, their site had a tune to listen to that was subtle and understated. Quite good. But that's really been it. I've gotten more satisfaction from filling the toilet bowl at work than I've recently gotten from +44. I only hope +44 brings it; I hope they don't build up their project so much so that it is impossible to live up to my lofty expectations (after all, it's my opinion that counts .... at least on this blog). So until +44 decides to give it up like a drunken teenage girl at her first frat party, I'll have to wait .... and I AM NOT PATIENT!!!!

The British Are Coming

We've all been forced to watch English movies or English television shows that weren't quite funny. I was never a fan of Monty Python (I can hear the hissing already from some of you). I found Merchant Ivory films incredibly slow and cumbersome and I hated Remains Of The Day. I never found some of those English comedies very funny that seem to be on PBS all hours of the day. I guess I just never found English comedy .... well, I didn't find it very funny (with the exception of The Young Ones and Shaun Of The Dead which absolutely rocked!!!).

Maybe my humor is too low brow. Maybe I need something like Jackass where guys sit in their tidy whities and throw a dog's rawhide bone at one another's sacks. I just couldn't picture the English getting into this sort of thing.

How wrong I was!! The BBC has now created a show that caters to my simple minded personality. It's called Ed vs. Spencer and it is one of the most brilliant concepts ever!

This show is a guy's show. It's about 2 guys who pretty do anything to cockblock one another. It's a show about those type of best friends where one guy gets drunk and his best friend writes all over his forehead with a Sharpie things like 666, I Eat Cock, and so on. So far, it's been hilarious. One of the two guys, Ed, is the typical Spicoli type but much more devious. In one episode, they have to date 3 women and see whom the ladies will like better. Ed switches one of the girls with a friend of his and tells her to act completely bored and annoyed with Spencer. Ed also takes one of the women, an 86 year old, to a strip club. How great is that? To give you an idea of what they are doing, here is a listing of upcoming shows:

March 23rd - Who Can Make Himself the Sickest?
March 30th- Who Can Stay Handcuffed the Longest?
April 6th - Who's the Most Attractive to Women?
April 13th - Who Can Survive in the Woods the Longest?
April 20th - Who Can Make the Best Porn?
April 27th - Who Is the Hardest?
May 4th - Who Do Kids Like More?
May 11th - Who Can Put On the Most Weight?
May 18th - Who Can Make Himself More Famous?
May 25th - Who Can Make the Most Money in Three Days

If this is the new wave of UK comedy, then I am definitely moving to the UK so that I can steal Kate Winslet or Kate Beckinsale away from their current beaus, grab some fish & chips, and watch Ed try to fuck over Spencer in any way possible.

The Devil Works In Mysterious Ways

I had a crazy Saturday. I had to run out and buy some new shirts and ties. Why you might ask? You guessed it ... someone is going to pay me for my perceived talents. Trust me, I'm as shocked as you are.

The nice thing is that is that I'll be making more money than I did at my last job and I believe people will actually appreciate the work that I do. That being said, I also know that the pressure will be on to deliver an actual product and not simply moan as questions come rolling in. No, this is a honest to goodness job where I will have to use my mind other than to decide where I'm going to eat lunch that day. Plus, it's a government job so I will have all my benefits starting on day one.

Now, this doesn't mean that yours truly will not tend to his blog. Quite the contrary; I think that this position will offer me a whole new plethera of stories. I'm sure I will find crazy things in whatever I do ... and in what I don't do. Hopefully, I'll be as cool as this guy in the picture.

Praying For Short Pudgy Guys Playing Football

Dcnats is responsible for this post! He has a weekly tradition on his blog called Film Vault Tuesday. Every Tuesday, he reviews an old movie that he digs and gives you the rundown. He's a huge baseball fan, just as I'm a huge football fan. I went to Catholic school pretty much from Kindergarten through 6th grade (I would've went further but my hometown didn't have a Catholic Jr. High or Catholic High School). So being Catholic and a huge football fan means one thing and one movie ... but we'll get to that in a minute.

Catholic school was great because the nuns pushed us hard ... academically!! Jr. High and High School were a breeze thanks to the academic standards set for us there. We were always told by the nuns and the priests that we should want to go to a good Catholic university. Of course, we all know what good Catholic university they meant: Notre Dame.

So naturally, you know what movie I'm talking about. Yeah, that one. We all, in some small way, love Rudy. It's the classic American story about the short pudgy kid who goes on to play for the most hallowed college football team in the nation even if for only one or two plays.

During Catholic school's Friday student mass, the priests would often pray for Notre Dame. During the offering, the priest would say something like "Lord, look over our departed brethren as they look to come into your eternal light and watch the boys in South Bend as our beloved Notre Dame takes on Southern California." Naturally, this sort of brainwashing had it's intended effect on me: I wanted to go to Notre Dame more than any other school in the world.

So in the movie Rudy, the movie breaks into a montage of Rudy studying, working out, sleeping in the utility room at the stadium, checking his mail and getting rejection letters. Then there's the scene where he picks up a letter from the admissions office. He walks outside sitting across the pond from campus on a bench. He opens up the letter and starts to read aloud. When he gets to the part accepting him into Notre Dame, his voice cracks, starts to cry a bit, and thanks God. If anyone knows how badly he wanted to get into Our Lady, it's me. Everytime I see this scene, I get goosebumps and have to make up some lame excuse like I need a drink or something otherwise I might start start crying like a little kid with a skinned knee.

I did apply to Notre Dame for law school and it was the only school that didn't accept me. The rejection letter was the nicest I've ever received noting that there are over 17 students applying for every seat at the law school. I still have it tucked away in some papers. I had an Ex that I lived with and her old man was a huge Michigan fan who hated Notre Dame. He bought her, as a dig at me, the book Under The Tarnished Dome and I immediately made her pack it away saying that I would not allow that sort of filth in my home. I might apply for an LLM (A masters of law) at Notre Dame in the future and take off one year to do it. Just so that I can say I went to God's school (You hear that Deeesguy, it's God's school. I'll act like a Republican or W supporter by saying "If you don't cheer for Notre Dame, you're not cheering for God.")

I Was Tagged And Didn't Even Get A Reach Around!!

Wow; I think I've had a ton of music related entries this month and last. Music is a huge part of my life, no denying. I always have music somewhere (except when I study). I can't drive with the radio off; I can't blog without music; I can't draw without music. It permeates my very being. Those of you who know me pretty well know that this is due to my awesome mother who ALWAYS had music in our home.

As for the pic, go to this website. This was what hapened with "Crash Into Me" by the beloved DMB. It's done by some sort of computer program that follows the notes with a line and then bends them according to the song. It's pretty cool Now, we're on to a music topic again! The always cute and effervescent Jen tagged me.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you? : "911 Is A Joke" - Public Enemy (Telling lyric: " ... They don't care 'cause they stay paid anyways ... ". This is a call to revolution ... not that I would favor that sort of thing!)

Will I have a happy life? : "Nasim Joon" - O.A.R. (Telling lyric: "... Set to ride this here rail 'til the end")

What do my friends really think of me? : "La Tierra Del Olvido" - Carlos Vives (Wish my Spanish was better and then I could give you some lyrics)

What do people secretly think of me? : "Wait 'til You See Him" - Ella Fitzgerald (I'm not sure if this is a good sign or not; but Ella is fucking awesome)

How can I be happy? : "Galaxia" - Gipsy Kings (Well, I do love the guitar and I love these guys; maybe concentrating on playing the guitar will make me happy?!?!? They're coming this summer so I need to snag tickets for this show)

What should I do with my life? : "I'll Drink To That" - The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones (Telling lyric: "... The place is packed / I needed that / The bottles cracked / I'm glad for that / A good nights rest? / Forget about that / I feel alive in this dive so I'll drink to that")

Will I ever have children? : "Como Duelo En Los Labios" - Mana (If I play some music like this with the ladies, I just might .... then again ... probably not!)

What is some good advice for me? : "Simmer Down" - The Mighty, Mighty Bosstones (I think the shuffle function on my MP3 player isn't that great hence 2 Bosstones' songs so close together; actually this good advice for everyone .... except Cheri Oteri doing that skit on SNL where this was her catchphrase)

How will I be remembered? : "A Message To You Rudy" - The Specials (Telling lyrics: "... Stop your messing around / Time you straightened right out / Better think of your future / Else you'll wind up in jail ..."; what is God telling me?)

What is my signature dancing song? : "Havest Home" - Big Country (Super great song ... yeah, I'm playing air guitar while I listen to this home; I love how this band got this super distorted sound almost like bag pipes from their guitars; LISTEN TO THIS SONG: This was one of the best 80's band that is known only for one song and it is a crime to only know that song)

What do I think my current theme song is? : "Mrs. Potter's Lullaby" - Counting Crows (Deeesguy insisted once that "Holiday In Spain" is more of my theme song; Deeesguy took me to their show at Miami U in Oxford and now I am definitely a fan)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is? : "Cum On Feel The Noize" - Quiet Riot (A guilty pleasure? Sure. Is it cheesy? Sure. But admit it; in the 80's when this first came out, you were banging your head like I was. And in case you are wondering ..... yes, I am playing air guitar along with this one too)

What song will play at my funeral? : "Monkey Man" - Toots & The Maytals w/ No Doubt (When I do pass away, I want something like an Irish wake. You don't have to leave my body out for like a day or two, but I want everyone to hit the pub with an open bar, drink, laugh, and remember me for the good times; this is a fun little ditty that just might perk up the mourners!!)

What type of men/women do you like? : "Crash Into Me" - Dave Matthews Band (Maybe this is fitting considering neither Andrea Corr nor Salma Hayek, Paz Vega, Penelope Cruz, Monica Belluci, Kirsten Dunst nor Scar Jo has publicly acknowledged my love. This is a song about a peeping tom, Telling lyrics: " ... Oh I watch you there / Through the window / And I stare at you / You wear nothing / But you wear it so well ....")

What is my day going to be like? : "La Cienega Just Smiled" - Ryan Adams (Beautiful song; when I returned from my trip to Ireland to visit my friends there, this was playing on the inboard music channel the moment the wheels left the ground; maybe it's a day to remember good friends and great experiences)

Now who am I tagging? Well, I believe Mariemm, Deeesguy (you can just post yours in the comments ... unless you start you own blog like I've been bugging you to do), Andi and well ... EVERYONE who reads this should do it if you haven't already!!!

Music, Music, Music Everywhere

Mariemm and I have sorta discussed a music spot. It would be like a blog maybe but also like a forum where you could post the name of some new bands or great music. I'm not sure how to do it just yet, but I could host the blog and give everyone who wanted the opportunity to post and blog on it. I would definitely need Deeesguy to post. He is always 6 months ahead on bands. I will always say "You know I heard (band) the other day. They're great!" Deeesguy is always like "Oh, did you hear (song name)? That's a great song. I've got the CD if you want me to burn you a copy." He is the Music Man so if we all beg him enough, he might decide to become a contributor. And these are the best horrible album covers of all time. Go here for more!!
So ... anyone interested in participating?