You Deserve What?

Jerry Springer’s show has been the inspiration of many of my blog postings. I’m endlessly fascinated with people who seem to have little or no regard for decency (which may explain why I always post about the Republican party). However, this particular morning in my usual morning gauntlet of waking up, moving to the couch to slouch for another 15 minutes, fixing a sandwich for my early lunch, getting dressed, and cursing myself for staying so long at a job that kills my spirit a little more each day, I always have the TV on.

In the midst of the usual “I’m fucking another low-life” episode, one woman came out completely unapologetic. She starts ranting about how she was fucking another man and was there to tell her current loser all about it. Apparently her current fuck somehow lacked that something necessary to be successful in the world today … I think it’s called a work ethic. Anyhow, she rants that she needs a man who will pay her bills, pay for her to get her hair/nails done, take care of her kids, and treat her as she deserves to be treated.

This makes me wonder: what does someone truly deserve? There are the usuals: dignity, a fair shot in life, food, shelter. But when did it become automatic for every hoodrat on the face of the earth to feel he/she deserves to be treated like royalty.

Don’t get me wrong: we all want to be spoiled. Hell, I’d love to date someone who decided that for no reason at all to stop by and pick up a couple of dozen wings and a nice cold six of Newcastle. And vice versa, I’d spoil her as well. I’d show up with some cake frosting for her and a copy of Love Actually (plus some boxed wine and turkey so I’d fall asleep ½ way through the movie … heh-heh). But when in the hell did getting your nails done become part of what you deserve????

I appreciate the fact that this chick has self-confidence despite her thinking that “manual labor” is the president of Mexico. Really I do. However, when that chick looks like she bit a brick and when her old man makes Bush almost look like a C+ student, what gives you so much cockiness? Did you cure cancer or AIDS? Did you compose the 9^th Symphony? Did you write Don Quixote? Nope, you dragged your worthless ass from the bedroom to the couch watching re-runs of Laverne & Shirley.

Nope, this sort of arrogant asshole deserves to have to listen to Josh Groban albums over and over while eating Fazoli’s for 3 meals a day. These useless fucks deserve to be sterilized so that our future generations won’t have to worry about dumbing down the gene pool. These walking wastes of space should have to spend an eternity at Wal-Mart consuming moon pies, drinking Natural Light or Pabst Blue Ribbon, and having to act like they actually believe Toby Keith is an intelligent being.

We’ve become such a self-important culture that it drives me nuts. From the asshole who just walks to the front of the line at Salsa Fresh while you’re standing there double checking what you’re getting ready to order (yep; this has happened to me) to the jackoff driving in the left lane that suddenly decides he needs to make a right turn so he stops all traffic until someone lets him over. Society is out of control with these self-important fucks.

I guess I can’t even fathom saying that I deserve a woman with a body like Salma Hayek, the mind of Aristotle, loaded like Oprah, and the sex drive/naughtiness of Paris Hilton. I only deserve equal what I have done in my life. So at this point, I deserve the female equivalent of George Costanza. Do I deserve to be treated well? No better than what I treat my partner; anything more is a bonus. As with most things in life, the good guys are left behind while the unemployed fuck gets the gal. These sort of people are the reason why 50 Cent will sell millions while Common will only get critical praise.