A Simple Plea For Americans

One of the many blogs I still peruse from time to time posted this video below. I had a hard time figuring out how to put into words the feelings that swell up inside of me when I see it. Right now, we're so divided into blue and red, rich and poor, liberal and conservative, black and white, us and them. I know I give in to those emotions too easily for that very reason: it's easy.

But even the Devil has a heart and some sensitivity. See, in this time of increasing bitterness as the political season comes to an end, it's a shame that we don't focus on the things that unite us rather than divide us. This video drives home that point more than just about anything I've seen lately. Joy is universal. Laughter is human. Silliness is something we all enjoy.

SO my simple plea for Americans is this. Go out and travel the world. The world is so much bigger than Ohio or Texas or New York. Meet people from different places in the world and listen to them. I think what you'll find is that they love their children as much as we do. They want social justice and to help the poor as much as we do. They can laugh at a dick and fart joke every bit as hard as we do.

Have a beer with a farmer from Mexico and ask him what he wants for his family. Ask that family from Syria or Palestine what they want for their children over a cup of coffee. Break bread with some young people from India or Kenya or Russia or Iran and ask what kind of world they want to see when they have children. Guess what? Fundamentally they'll want the same things. No, they may not necessarily be eyeballing that 47" HD TV, but they want clean water and food. Schools and education for their children would be near the top of their wish list. A safe place to call home. The ability for their children to walk home without worrying about mortars. We want the same damn things.

But go out and travel the world; meet some people and share a beer. THEN develop your opinion. If it's the same as before, then great but at least you'll have some perspective. I'll guarantee you though ... you won't be the same and you will learn something.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Proof That This Nation Is One Step Away From ....

... going to hell in a handbasket!!

Bungle Town

It's hilarious. No, really it is. The Cincinnati Bengals are 0-7. Read that again please. ZERO wins and SEVEN losses. It's great how the Cincinnati media is always fed up with this happening again and again and again. In fact, the Bengals have had the most most 0 - 6 starts in NFL history; 8 to be exact. That's twice as many as the Arizona Cardinals ... the fucking Cardinals!! They haven't been to a Superbowl but they have exactly 1/2 the 0 - 6 starts as the Bengals.

While heads must roll in this situation, the calls are for wrong head to roll. Just like GOP supporters are condemning Obama for an association with Ayers whose crime was committed when Barack's age was in single digits, Bungles fans are calling for the head of coach Marvin Lewis. This is akin to the whole "liberal" media argument that pinheads always scream about. While the majority of newscasters themselves might be liberal, the majority of editors who decide the actual content are overwhelmingly conservative.

Don't get me wrong; I've seen this team play. There is plenty of blame to go around. But blaming it all solely on Lewis is like blaming that damn Katie Couric for making Palin look unintelligent. You can only work with what you're given (in Palin's case ... that isn't much). Blaming Lewis for this team is like blaming Obama for passing the bailout bill. He's just one small cog in the whole wheel in a series of gears.

No folks; the real blame here actually lies at the top. It's the team owner, Mike Brown. See, he's never hired a real General Manager and refuses to pay for one. He thinks because his father was the late, great Paul Brown that he's somehow genetically inclined to be some sort of football guru. Nothing could be further from the truth. Under his watch, this team has fallen apart even though it wasn't much of a team to begin with. No Bengals fans, the sad truth is one thing. Until Mike Brown either sells the team or relinquishes control, 0-7 starts will be the rule rather than the exception.

Holy Shit It's Christmas ... In October????

Every year, the Christmas season gets earlier and earlier. I was at an unnamed drugstore the other day and they've already got the Christmas shit up. What the fuck? It's not even Halloween. So along with candy corn, go ahead and pick up a can of that toxic fake-snow shit that pollutes windows in the deep South where there is no snow.

Whose fault is this? Whose grand idea is it to start making poor parents feel like shit for not being able to provide ungrateful demon spawn with that new sportscar just like that cunt from some bullshit staged "reality" show on MTV? Whose fault is it anytime we're glutted with cheap shit from China or repeated violations of worker's rights? Yep, it's the fucking evil empire .... Wal-Mart.

Apparently what I saw is in response to the hordes of cheaply made shit the evil empire is flooding the American market with. After all, what encompasses the spirit of Christmas more than spending money you don't have at a retailer whose labor violations record is longer than the list of excuses the GOP has been giving why Palin is qualified to be VP.

Truly Christmas is in the heart of that "labor" force in China working 14 hour days, 6 days a week. God bless us all, each and every one of us ... except those of you who don't subscribe to the right religion or political bent .... you un-American heathen!!

Just Die With Some Fucking Dignity

There's something to be said about acting your age. We all know some relative or close acquaintance that is convinced he or she is still in their 20's. To paraphrase George Lopez, at one time they may have been hot. That was then, this is now.

So why in God's name are we trying to convince the baby boomers that they can still act cool? Seriously, so you're going to have Social Security and get to live on golf courses while my generation will be saddled with so much debt we'll be giving prison blowjobs for some ramen. So you'll have Medicare and Medicaid for your Viagra while I'll be forced to take trips south of the border hoping that Spanish fly is still for sale. Please quit trying to convince this generation that they're still cool and vibrant.

OK, I get it that you were hippies. Sure, I understand that your saw the Stones back in '69. Yeah, I get it that you once owned a Harley and drank Canadian Club whiskey.

But you also brought the leisure suit. You also gave us Brut cologne. And of course, you gave us the porn stache. But advertisers in the quest to always hock something have created a niche catering to this generation.

The worst is this Touch of Gray commercial with the old geezers surfing and "rocking out" on stage like they're in a bizarro world version of an A&F commercial. They show an old guy and his equally old wife on stage at a "club". His wife kisses him and he's one moment away from his dentures falling out. One geezer takes it to the rim against some younger guys with the coordination of a sorority girl at a fraternity kegger.

But to quote Grandpa Simpson, I'm tired of seeing commercials with these active seniors. Let's see a real commercial. Show me the old woman at Kroger who can't figure out how a self-scanning checkout works. Show me the old man who still can't figure out how to make a call on a cell phone. Show me the old couple who are watching 4 channels on their TV because they can't fathom the idea of using their cable box. Show me the old man walking during the summer with black dress socks in sandals.

Look, we're all going to get older. Hell, I'm old as dirt now. But that doesn't mean that I have to wear socks and sandals. I won't be tucking in t-shirts into my shorts. I'm not going to wear those suspenders that hold up socks. I'll just act dignified and quit trying to act like I'm in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. In fact, I'll be like the old man in this clip!!

It's All Joe Six Pack's Fault!!!

I know, I haven't blogged in years. It's true ... I've become everything I hated. The guy who can't finish a whole pizza leaving 1 slice. The guy who starts yawning at 1:00 AM when he's out with the guys. The guy who actually enjoys watching Antique Roadshow (shudder). The Devil is even in a great relationship with an amazing woman who is way too hot for him. But as all good things must come to an end, some good things can always start again. Thus I will TRY to blog again and keep it going. Sure, I may not be bitching about the opposite sex as much, but I still have plenty of venom left!

Today's bitch is about this election. What in the name of all that is holy is going on?? Didn't we learn a lesson from the last 8 years?? Why in God's name would be put another bonehead in the Oval Office?? Not necessarily McCain but that sorry excuse of a politician named Palin!!! Jesus fucking Christ .... what in the ... how in the ... whose brilliant idea .... I just can't even begin to put this into words!

Let me say this up front. I'm a blue collar sort of guy. Seriously, I am. I grew up with parents who worked blue collar jobs for a living. Neither of them went to college but they understood the value of hard work. They had to stretch every red cent to get the most of it. They enjoy a cold beer on the back patio as much as anyone. So if anyone understands blue collar, it is none other than the Devil, my friends.

With that being said, please spare me this Joe Six Pack bullshit of "I want a president who can sit down and have a beer with me". Really?? So let me get this straight ... you (being the proverbial Joe Six Pack - Palin bonehead supporter) want the leader of the free world to stop in at the double-wide and drink a Miller Hi-Life with you?? So because Jasper knows how to skin a buck in the field means he's able to cope with the complexities of the world's economic markets? That is your criteria for a president???

I'll be the asshole once again and say it: I want a president whose intelligence makes me look like W. I want someone who might be more concerned about the situation in Myanmar rather than whether the mountains turned blue on a can of Coors Light. Give me a president who understands the subleties of international diplomacy rather than the intricacies of flip cup. Regional corn-hole champ does not a good president make!!

Frankly, this is why America is in the mess it's in. We keep up this bullshit that we want someone just like us. We have this complex when someone is more intelligent. We can't stand it when someone grasps a better command of the English language beyond what Cooter speaks down at the "guh-rage".

So when that family down the street saves their money wisely and buys a larger home or even a new LCD TV, we sign onto a shady loan so that we can have something a little bit bigger:

Joe Six Pack: "What? Frank from down the street just bought a 42" HD LCD??"

Joe Six Pack's Old Lady: "Yeah, they saved them a bunch of money for like a year and bought it with cash money!! They even saved enough to buy one of them there Blue Rays too!"

Joe Six Pack: "Well honey, we need to pull some money out of the house so we can buy a 87" LCD the size of a wall with surrond sound because we "deserve" it. After all, we make a combined $40,000 a year. We deserve nice things."

America has become an entitlement society ... you're entitled just because your American. Not because you sacrificed to go to college; not because you put money away; not because you're brighter or smarter; not because you worked harder than the other guy. Nope; you're entitled because you're American and you work 40 hours a week.

No politician wants to say it ... but you know me. I'm an asshole. I'll say it. Joe Six Pack ... it's all your fault.

I Heard A Rumor .....

To quote Bananrama, "I heard a rumor ...". Yeah, I heard a rumor that Ohio had a basketball team. I know, you probably heard it too. Yeah, there was a rumor that Ohio actually had a basketball team. But then again, I hear alot of shit.

This post is for Deeesguy. 4 times in 9 years. Dynasty. I know he's not a fan of the Spurs. But he knows that is my team. Sure, they're old. Sure, they're boring to watch if you like fast moving basketball.

Even if Tony Parker is going to wed my new love, I still dig the Spurs. Growing up, we had the Mavericks, the Lakers, the Rockets, and the Spurs (the Nuggets didn't count). The Mavericks flat out sucked and that coupled with my hate of the Dallas Cowboys rendered them useless. The Rockets were just there. And the Lakers, well, I've blogged about my distaste for them.

The Spurs had the Iceman, George Gervin. I loved David Robinson. The Twin Towers. They are very blue collar. They're just quiet and play. They're not flashy. They just win and act like they've been there a million times before so that it's no big deal.

With that, congrats San Antonio. Definitely a dynasty for the ages.

There Is No God

No loving god would have allowed this to be made.

Even scarier, there are actually people who paid to see this opening weekend instead of waiting 'til it hit dollar theaters like any normal person would.

Freaky!!!

As a child of the late 80's and 90's ... hell, what am I talking about? I'm still living my childhood well into my decrepit 30's!!

Anyhow, there are those events that define certain periods of our life. I was a young 22 year old in the Army who somehow didn't fit the Army mold. In my off-duty hours, I wore Doc Martens, plaid flat caps, listened to reggae and ska. I was engaged and together we were that young activist couple. We helped out in the Tampa AIDS Network; we were involved in the Anti-Racist Action group; we got out to help push the vote for Clinton.

As it is now, music was a huge part of my life. We'd spend Saturdays at independent used CD stores eschewing the corporate label stores that insisted on selling like 20 artists and then jacking up the prices for any artist on a label that wasn't mainstream. To this day, I feel sorta like one of those old hippies that laments about when music meant something ... but I'm just as full of shit as now as they were then (are you telling me there was some deep philosophical message in "Purple Haze" that was lost somehow when "Smells Like Teen Spirit" was released?)

However, the death of Curt Cobain was one of those moments when you realized that an entire genre of music had just died. A part of your life was gone never to come back except as nostalgia.
Now, his crazy wife is selling off all of his shit in order to cover her drug debts and jeopardizing what's left of Curt on this earth: Frances Bean. Look at this kid!! Who can't see Curt in those eyes. Freaky, right?? It's as if one last little piece of my younger, crazier days is all grown up and staring right back at me.

I'm a Nationally Published Author!!!

	New Arizona State coach Dennis Erickson inherits a talented group of players led by quarterback Rudy Carpenter (12). Mike Moore/WireImage.com
	MAILBAG Submit a question or an opinion to Stewart. Your name: Your e-mail address: Your home town: Enter your question:

Well, sorta .... I had my first question answered in a national publication ... well, not really published ... well, published on the web ... well anyways ... here is my first question ever answered on the national stage!! Journalism school here I come!!!

As an Arizona State alum, I was one of those calling for the head of Dirk Koetter. Stewart, you even called him one of the worst coaches in college football. So Arizona State goes out and hires a proven coach in Dennis Erickson. What is it about his hiring that has left Sun Devils fans with a sense of apprehension?
--D. Padilla, Atlanta

I have to admit, I did not realize there was apprehension there. If so, I can only assume it's apprehension over the fact ASU's program is about to be overrun with a band of jucos, and that there's a 50-50 chance the school will wind up on probation. From a football standpoint, however, Sun Devils fans should be thrilled. Erickson may not be big on "character guys," but he's big on winning, and he's going to do a lot of it there in a short amount of time. The cupboard in Tempe is not exactly bare. Any coach would be lucky to walk into a program with a quarterback like Rudy Carpenter (whose confidence should be restored by Erickson), a running back like Ryan Torain, three all-conference offensive linemen and some decent defensive linemen.

While Erickson, like Koetter, is known as an offensive mind, the difference is, he actually knows what he's doing. Koetter had never been a head coach at a BCS-level school and it showed, as he constantly botched key decisions (like last year's Carpenter-Sam Keller debacle) and stubbornly stuck to a WAC-style offense in a league that actually plays some defense. Erickson comes in with far more experience, a proven track record both with Miami and in the Pac-10 with Washington State and Oregon State. He'll have ASU competing at a high level in no time -- and leading the league in personal-foul penalties.

My Newest Addiction

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