It's time for a relaunch .....

I’m a lucky guy. No, really, I am. I’ve got a fiancé that is way too beautiful to settle for a slug like me. But somehow, she has. She has decided to cast her lot with me and I say good luck to that. We have one daughter from her previous relationship. She is every bit as stubborn as I am. I swear it’s like two bulls in a pen … one of us has to win. For now, I’m the adult and that gives me the leg up.

I’m always one step away from greatness. I’m the guy who gets the great interview with say the Department of Justice or a monster law firm only to come out being their 3^rd choice behind the guy who graduated Cum Laude at Stanford Law while starting a non-profit to give shoes to amputees in 3^rd world countries and behind the gal who was law review editor at Vanderbilt while clerking for a federal judge.

I bitch a lot and my girl lets me know that. Hopefully she is slowly becoming immune to it. She’s calling me out on my shit and that is a good thing. I’m getting lazy. I used to work out every day and now I find every excuse to not hit the gym. “I hate the chachs ….” or “My running shoes don’t feel right …” or “My plantar fasciitis is acting up ….” or any variant thereof are my latest mantras. I feel fat and I am fat. I’m in the military reserves and you’d think I’d be more gung ho …. but you’d be wrong. I’m getting older, my body is letting me know it and I hate myself (or my body for that matter really) for the information.

But I really am a lucky guy. I’ve seen much of the world and can’t wait to see more. I am educated enough to have plenty of options. Having a law degree ensures that while I could go work for a firm, I could also go solo if need be or if I want to. I have that wonderful woman in my life. I have an understanding family. I am fairly healthy in the sense that I can run 3 or 4 miles and not die. I have great friends everywhere. What more could a guy bitch about? I’ll show you here on this blog …..

Jim Crow Out West

As Americans, we have a pathetically short memory of history. We'd all like to think that the days of Jim Crow are long gone. We'd all like to think that we're past the point of discriminating against people based on their skin color. Today's segregationists are using a much more subtle method with the same result however.

Don't believe me? Look at what is going on in Colorado this week. Secretary of State Mike Coffman is purging voters from the rosters this close to the election. He's doing this in clear violation of the National Voting Rights Act (NVRA) which prohibits purging a voter within 90 days of a federal election. Naturally, Coffman is a Republican who is trying to purge the rolls of those folks who might not vote for the GOP. You know, minorities and the poor.

Guess what Coffman's defense to this is? It's absolutely absurd, however, Coffman's defense is that state law allows him to violate the NVRA. Now, I know that with my Juris Doctorate, I might have a leg up on some people. However, we all had civics in grade school sometime and the point of that lesson is that FEDERAL LAW TRUMPS STATE LAW!!!

What is particularly disturbing is that the Jim Crow laws in the South were often defended on this state's right claim. All Coffman and several other GOP election officials are doing is creating a new more subtle form of Jim Crow laws. There is currently a federal lawsuit over this and let's all hope that the Courts can see right through this bullshit.

Let's Try This Again : Top Five Tuesday

I used to love this posting every week. I used to giggle with glee in the past when I would start thinking of topics. I would rack my brains for the week leading up to Tuesday. So why not do something I enjoy with my blog .... after all, it is my blog. So, without further delay, here we go with my relaunching of Top 5 Tuesday:

Top 5 Disappointments of 2008 (So far ..... )

5. Rush Limbaugh hasn't OD'ed on hillbilly herion, Bill O'Reilly hasn't contracted Hepatitis C, nor has Anne Coulter gotten her ass kicked by a lesbian : The good Lord hasn't seen fit to let us witness his vengance, but trust me, it will be sweet when it happens.

4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull : Seriously, almost 20 years to make this movie? It felt like Speilberg and Lucas threw a script together in a few hours. Oh yeah, any time you bring in the kid of one of the characters for more than a "by the way" character, you've jumped the shark.

3. Arizona State Football : Pre-season Top 20 team and for the 1st 2 games, it looked like they might actually live up to it. However, a loss to UNLV at home and my team dropped quicker than a drunk sorority girl's bra at a "Girls Gone Wild" bar event.

2. The current music scene : Seriously, there is no one band that has gotten me fired up. Hell, even Hinder somehow managed to drag their useless chach rock carcasses off of the county fair circuit and back onto MTV. Everything being played is so promoted by the industry, there is absolutely no chance for anything different and exciting to come along. How many more "straight from the street" hip-hop acts can come along,make it big, and then they're never heard from again? Heard anything from Young Joc or Webstar lately? Didn't think so ......

1. The Death of LeRoi Moore : This isn't really a disappointment per say in that it's not something he did or didn't do. Rather, I'm more disappointed in myself for not realizing how fleeting life can be. My friends CV, MC and I went to the Dave Matthews Band concert at Piedmont Park in Atlanta. It was an amazing show and you don't stop to think that it could be the last time you see someone. I guess whether Dave and the Band stay together or split up is whatever they think LeRoi would've wanted.

Monday's Piece of Meat

I can usually sympathize with most people. A single mother with 2 kids who is working and going to school I'll give big ups to. A blue collar father working 3rd shift at the factory to make that extra bit of money so that his home doesn't go into repossession and his kids have what they need gets all the respect possible from me. The student going to school and working 2 jobs to pay tuition is due all the praise possible. These are the people who represent the backbone of America.

But let's turn to another group of people who deserve neither praise nor respect: the spoiled prima-donnas of sports and entertainment.

See, this was brought on with a crybaby claim this weekend. Kellen Winslow of the Cleveland Browns has recently had a staph infection stemming from prior injuries. The team has had 6 of them this year. Shouldn't a team paying a player $40 million for 6 years take better care of him? Absolutely. Doesn't a player deserve to get his injuries treated as best as possible? Well, no more than you or I but yes, we all deserve health care.

But .... then again, shouldn't a candyass getting that much money read his contract first? In 2006 Winslow was hurt in the 2nd game of the year so he was out the rest of the season. Before the 2007 season, Winslow was hurt again only this time it was his fault. He was riding a motorcycle in a community center parking lot. Not his fault? Maybe .... but his contract stipulates that he was not to be riding a motorcycle. So for $40 million dollars, he couldn't pay for someone to summarize his contract in easy to read language? For $40 million dollars you couldn't chill out at home playing X-Box or PS3? I think for that much money you could afford a system and a few games.

Now he's claiming that he's being treated as a "piece of meat" because of his current staph infection. Now I've had some great cuts of meat, but never a $40 million piece of meat. Unfortunately, this cut is spoiled rotten and smells to holy hell.

How College Football Is Like An Abusive Relationship

My relationship with my favorite teams is abusive. It really is. Imagine if you will an episode of Cheaters with me as the spurned husband and my beloved ASU football team as the low-down cheating spouse:

Cue the intro music ... Show Joey Greco's cheesy goatee, etc......

Joey: Hi, I'm Joey Greco and meet the Devil. A fragile, older fan who suspects that his ASU football team is flirting with complete and utter failure this season. In our interview, the Devil explains his suspicisions.

Devil: I don't know what's going on. I mean, like last season. They were winning and then towards the end of the season, they started letting me down. They beat Arizona but couldn't come through when it really mattered. Maybe it was the euphoria of being undefeated for so long. But I love them and decided to give them one more season. After all, I have a degree from ASU, you know? I have my suspicions that they're being unfaithful to their promises from last season.

Joey: As the Devil's suspicions grow, our private investigators trail ASU to confirm their infidelity.

Voiceover: Game 1 and Game 2 seem uneventful. ASU does what it needs to do to against Northern Arizona and Stanford. In Game 3, a new mistress appears. Cheater's PI's have identified this mistress as LOSING appears. In Games 4, 5, 6 and 7 yet another mistresss identified as GETTING YOUR ASS HANDED TO YOU appears and never leaves.

Yeah, this is about how badly things have went this season. It's like an abusive relationship with that friend we all know. No matter how you put it, he or she won't leave their abusive partner. They always somehow rationalize it as I would. The friend might tell you "BUT you don't understand him/her. You don't get to see the nice things that go on." Or in my case ... "You didn't see last season. They were so good."

I guess I'll have to catch ASU in the bed we share on top of COMPLETELY PATHETIC before I'll consider leaving.

Dear Axl ....

Dear Axl,

Like everyone else, I've been waiting for well over a decade for this "masterpiece" that you've been working on. Sure, I know you've been busy. After all, cornrows need tons of daily maintenance and you still have to wash those bicycle shorts everyday. You must spend hours still searching for Jerry Rice Oakland Raiders #80 jerseys. Hell, surfing eBay all day for those things is exhausting.

But please do us fans a couple of favors prior to "releasing" Chinese Democracy next month. 1st, get into shape. During your 2002 VMA appearance, you sounded out of breath. I sound like that when I do a 2-mile run so I know that feeling. I know, I know; it's tough when you're over 30 to just start running and exercising. Plus, personal trainers are expensive and $12 million dollars just doesn't go as far as it once did. We all have to watch our spending these days.

Another thing, please quit cancelling shows. See, what you do is you create ill will. Some of your old fans from back in the day might actually want to see you in concert. These poor guys are willing to shell out a couple of hundred hard earned dollars from their jobs as carnys, working at Taco Bell, picking up a few extra hours at Guitar Center, or at Big Ed's Quik-E Oil Change for a pair of those nose bleed seats at the Value City arena in the heartland of O-Hi-O. These guys are getting older and they might eventually lose patience for seeing you live. Heaven forbid they actually find something that might be more important or more dependable live such as an Ohio State football game, another Saw movie or a UFC fight.

Oh yeah, please quit firing every other member of the patchwork band you'll manage to assemble for this album. Just because one of the roadies from the last Meatloaf tour is way down on the list of your choices for guitarists, he might actually be able to pull it off. You can't be pissed off because he's actually relishing his 30 seconds in the spotlight during his guitar solo, so cut him slack.

Lastly, quit talking shit about other bands. Sure, the Eagles of Death Metal maybe aren't the most impressive band. Maybe they're not on par with Nirvana or the Misfits. But let's get one thing straight here: you're old, bro. Seriously, some guy built like Glenn Danzig and a tempter like Zak Wylde might just drop your skinny, old ass. Seriously, the "no-shirt hillbilly getting arrested on cops for oxycontin possession" look isn't good.

SO all in all I can say this: release the damn album and let me have my Dr. Pepper. Let us decide if Chinese Democracy is a masterpiece 15 years in the making or if it's just a self-indulgent piece of crap.

Sincerely,
The Devil

True Stories of Casual Friday

Being a government worker had its perks to be certain. It was hard to get fired despite any degree of incompetence, especially in Atlanta. Don't believe me? Read this article sometime about the work ethic of many of Atlanta's government employees. That's right; 911 operators sleeping on the job, getting tons of warnings, making life threatening errors and still keeping a job. All you get is a warning and you're back at work that same. Suspensions? Oh no, not in Atlanta. See, nearly everyone with any sense will appeal a suspension and they will be back on the job immediately with backpay for the missing days.

But even yours truly has had his run in with the high standards of Atlanta government workers. Yes, I was a government worker in the Atlanta area but thank all that is holy I am no longer working there.

One afternoon, my friend KG and I decided to hit Quizno's for lunch. Being payday, all the malcontents were out and about with your truly being no exception. Sure I was a malcontent, but let's get back to the story lest I digress. Anyhow, in the middle of my Quizno's classic, I notice what appears to be a ghetto-ass broke down version of Lil' Kim. Ghettofabulous in all of her glory. Extensions, tatoo on the neck, gold tooth, corn chip finger nails and airbrushed toe nails. It gets worse though. She was wearing a half-shirt top that made her look as if she was trying to smuggle an inner-tube back into the office. To top it off, she was wearing a mini-skirt that was so short I determine her religion. The kicker, though, was a tatoo across her thigh in olde English font with someone's name.

Plus, she was bemoaning the fact that one of her supervisors at work had told her the skirt was too short!! I mean, imagine the gall of a manager to tell his employee that she wasn't dressed appropriately for an office environment. Super short mini-skirts are the new Brooks Brothers look after all.

However as disturbing as this was, KG summarily informed that this girl was the receptionist at the IT department in a nearby government building. So this woman was the face of her department. In other words, when you walk into the particular IT department's reception area, she is the one to greet you!!

Guess what day this happened on? Yep, Friday. This girl definitely ruined casual Friday for her office.